Woman asked to help pay for mom's wedding to man who called her 'golddigger.'
"AITA for refusing to give my Mom money for her wedding?"
My Mom is 56 and her fiancée is 59, I'm 29 and my brother is 19. My Father is 54 for anyone wondering. About 4 months ago, my Mom got engaged to her fiancée (fake name) Joseph. Joseph is a fairly nice guy but we do have different takes on a lot of differing topics like politics (which I try not to judge someone on), behaviors, and appropriate boundaries.
By appropriate boundaries, I mean calling before coming to see me and my family and not making controversial jokes. One joke he likes to make a lot is how I’m a gold digger because my husband is the breadwinner and makes over double my income. At first, I tried to brush it off and privately texted him and my mom about why I didn’t appreciate these jokes, especially in front of family.
Now before anyone thinks I’m actually a gold digger, my husband actually made less than me when we met. Joseph understood over text but continued to make some of the same jokes. I just tried to move on and continue to ignore them. Since they got engaged, my mom has been saving money for their wedding.
Joseph also has but not as much as my mom since he says and I quote “weddings are just something to make your wife happy and no husband actually likes them.” I'm not sure how my mom hasn’t seen this as a red flag.
Again I ignored it since it's not my situation. Four months into the engagement (now) my mom messaged me asking “Hi Sweetie! You know the weddings coming up and I was wondering when you were gonna help pay for it?” I was shocked because she didn’t even help pay for me and my husband’s wedding, my dad paid for his part and her part.
Also in my opinion I don’t think your kid should help pay for your wedding even if they are grown. I responded to her text saying “I wasn’t informed I had to help pay. I can maybe buy your cake or something.” But she didn’t take that very well and called me sobbing saying how she has done everything for me and how I won't even help her pay for the best day of her life.
Sure if it was a smaller wedding I might have been able to pay for some of it. But this is a 50k+ wedding. She’s expecting me to pay over 15k. I didn’t want to hear anymore of her sobbing so I hung up. I'm not sure how to feel, on one hand she's my mom, on the other she’s expecting me to pay for a wedding for her and someone that doesn’t respect my boundaries and didn’t even help pay for mine. AITA?
This emotionally loaded situation inspired a lot of passionate comments.
Yikes44 wrote:
NTA. According to your mum's partner you're a 'gold digger' who doesn't earn enough to pay your way in your own marriage, so that should be enough of a reason not to pay for theirs.
snarkness_monster wrote:
Tell her you will generously contribute exactly the amount she contributed to your wedding. NTA.
Altruistic_Isopod_11 wrote:
NTA - maybe her gold digger fiance can pony up some money. Honestly, is your mom for real??? If she can't afford to pay for her wedding then she shouldn't have such an expensive wedding.
sunset-tx-armadillo wrote:
NTA - Your mother dumping her expectation of you paying for her wedding on you is wrong a million times over. Plus she waited until the last minute to inform you, not ask. The $15,000 she wants is a lot of money.
Your mom marrying a man who does not respect you and ignores your requests to stop is not someone you want around you & your family. This is just another story of a weak woman putting a bad man above her family. Don’t give mom a penny for her wedding. Stand your ground OP!
HazyLazySummer wrote:
NTA. Tell her you will pay as much as she paid for yours. This “gold digger’s” purse is closed. Yes, she is your mom, yes you love her. It does not give her the right to use you. And she bloody well should have shut her fiancé's crap down a long time ago.
OP is NTA, and her saying yes would only enable her mom's relationship to this walking red flag.