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Woman pauses wedding plans until fiance removes matching tattoo he got with his ex.

Woman pauses wedding plans until fiance removes matching tattoo he got with his ex.


We all have a past, however, we handle that past is not one-size-fits-all.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a woman asked if she was wrong for pausing the wedding until her fiance removes his tattoo. She wrote:

"AITA for asking my fiance to remove his tattoo?"

Me (24F) and my fiance(28M) has been friends long before we started dating. So five years ago he had a girlfriend (26F) and things seemed to be getting serious he spoke about getting engaged to her but she kept saying no, or laughing it off as if he had made a joke. One day they decide to get wrist tattoos together. He still tried proposing to her but she just kept laughing it off.

Two and a half years into the relationship and he caught her cheating on him with her ex Liam and they broke up. After a year or so we ended up getting together and everything went well. We got engaged a year ago. I have seen the tattoo before and found it a bit odd but was still fine with it up until I found chats between my fiance and his ex-girlfriend, 6 months after we got engaged.

He spoke about each time he looked at it, it reminded him of her and the physical scar she left on him. He asked if she removed hers and that's when I found out that she has the same tattoo. They then spoke about the fact that they will always be part of each other's lives in a way. I have asked him to get the tattoo removed or to cover it with another.

It makes me uncomfortable knowing that he has the tattoo and makes me feel like I am sharing him with another woman daily. We have been in multiple fights because of this. To me it seems like he doesn't take my feelings into consideration. I've been trying to find a way to stall our wedding plans as I cannot get married to a man that has a tattoo that reminds him of another woman.

Redditors had a lot of thoughts.

ThisEnvironment6627 wrote:

NTA…not sure why everyone is hung up on you knowing of the tattoo when that isn’t the issue. The issue is that you saw texts after the fact that he views the tattoo as an anchor to his ex and will always remember her and vice versa implying he may not be over her, and depending on when these texts are from it is sketchy for sure and looks bad.

So I get where you’re coming from and if this is a deal breaker and he isn’t compromising then maybe consider it a sign y’all may not be compatible and consider ending things since if he refuses to compromise the tattoo will always be there and it will build long term resentment and tension.

Bright_Honey1788 wrote:

I get being bothered by the tattoo. But I don't get why you're not more bothered by the texting itself. I mean it's a tattoo he got with his ex, of course, it reminds him of her. But most people would look at getting reminded of a cheating ex as a bad thing. His texts with this ex make it sound like he is remembering her/their relationship fondly and it does not sound like he is over her.

If it was me I'd be done after reading those texts. You'd be a fool to marry this man unless you have good reason to believe he is over his ex. And twisting his arm into getting the tattoo removed is not the way.

dazed1984 wrote:

NTA. I wouldn’t be happy about this, why he want to keep a tattoo that reminds him of someone that cheated? Sounds like he still has feelings.

Potential-Educator-6 wrote:

I mean if you’re worried about marrying someone with feelings for another, getting him to remove the ink won’t remove his feelings. I think you’re focusing on the wrong thing. Does he still harbor feelings, or is your firsthand experience of their relationship buttressing some insecurities?

OctoWings13 wrote:

NTA. You were fine with the tattoo UNTIL he crossed the line and brought her into your current life and he also changed the meaning of it. He should be no contact with her, and his weird obsession with needing his reminder of her needs to go away with the tattoo itself.

OP is NTA here, but it does sound like this is a conversation that needs to be resolved if there's going to be a wedding.

Sources: Reddit
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