It's wild how even the most deadbeat relatives will come out of the woodwork for a wedding invitation. It's even more wild when other relatives, the same ones who badmouthed them, pressure you to invite a practical stranger to a day of celebration.
In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a woman asked if she was wrong for asking her fiance's stepdad to walk her down the aisle instead of her birth dad. She wrote:
My fiancé and I have been together for 6 years and we are getting married in May. My fiancé’s stepfather married his mom when he was three and raised him like his own. His mom died from breast cancer when he was a teenager but his stepdad let him stay at home until he was 26 and even trained him to be a mechanic like himself.
I have a lot of respect for his stepdad raising a child that’s not his own and helping us both when we needed it. He co-signed for our first place because neither of us had regular jobs and income and when we bought a place he and my fiancé did all the renos. He is a great guy and lives with rescue 4 dogs.
I’m Chinese American so the idea of a stepdad (it’s not really in the culture) being as close as a bio dad is unfathomable but I can see that they are close as if they were blood-related My own bio father is a deadbeat to me. He dated my mom when they were both young and then left when I was born. He didn’t give us money and my mom never asked which is crazy if you ask me.
I found out after I was an adult that he never wanted me but she did and felt guilty because he wanted her to get rid of me. So it’s not like he wanted me to exist. He visited me a few times in my childhood but never let us see his other family so I have half singling I only met when I was older.
My mom and I were pretty poor growing up, we had government aid and when I got older I realized my half-siblings were raised in a middle-class home and my mom and I suffered for very little reason. So I have no reason to want my bio father to walk me down the aisle. When my bio father found out about the wedding he offered and I pretty rudely declined.
I was mad at my mom for telling him but she thinks I should forgive and let him walk me down the aisle because no matter how much fiancé’s stepdad helped he isn’t family. I don’t consider my bio father family either.
theassholethrowawa had a question:
Just curious.....why wouldn't you want your mom to walk you down the aisle?
NTA either way.
I asked her she declined. Said a man should walk me down the aisle. But she doesn’t want my fiancé’s stepdad to. Thinks no matter what my bio father did he is my father so he should.
NTA but I'm kind of curious why you wouldn't have your mom, who saw you through poverty and a difficult life, walk you down the aisle?
NTA - Dear OP, when you mum says you should forgive because your bio dad is family respond with “The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.” The saying means that chosen bonds are more significant than the bonds with family or “water of the womb.” More directly, it means that relationships you make yourself are far more important than the ones that you don't choose.
Your soon to be SFIL is more of a father to you and your fiancé than you bio father has ever been and I can assure you that you will not regret having the love and support of someone that you love on your wedding day and honouring a man that has proven time and time again that he is worth the effort and time and love that you have to give.
I also imagine that it would be your SFIL's honour to walk you down the aisle and his expected right, which is what your bio dad has.
Your wedding is about you and your soon-to-be husband and the love you share and you share that love with your SFIL but not your bio dad. Good luck with whatever you decide and may you have a wonderful life together.
NTA. Tell your
bio dadsperm donor he’s not your father in any way shape or form in the true meaning of the word and to f$%k off. You finally found a real role model for a father and you’re looking forward to finally having a real father figure in your life.
Show this post to your mom to let her know the rest of the world supports your decision and she’s completely out of line to suggest your deadbeat sperm donor who didn’t even want you to exist to play ANY part in your wedding. Including just attending it.
OP is definitely NTA here, her father doesn't deserve that honor.