'AITA for not attending my brother's childfree wedding because I don't want to get a sitter?'
"AITA for not attending my brother's childfree wedding because I don't want to get a sitter?"
My (25 f) brother (20 M) is getting married to his fiancée (19 f) in two weeks, which we just found out over the weekend. They are getting married on her father's estate and the reception will be there as well. I don't really interact with his fiancée much but she seems nice and makes my brother happy, so good for them.
They let us know that the wedding would be childfree as well, which is entirely their choice, however as much as it hurts I don't think I am going to be attending. My daughter (2) has recently been diagnosed with epilepsy, which I have also dealt with most of my life so I know this gets worse before it gets better. We are going through tests, medication changes, etc.
The venue is over 3 hours away and I am completely uncomfortable leaving her for that long. I let my brother know this and he was hurt, and said that I am punishing them for having a childfree wedding, and they are entitled to do so. I said he is absolutely entitled to do so, but they gave little notice and he can't get mad when people put their children first, especially when they are dealing with medical issues.
He said I should just get a sitter and I told him absolutely not, I am not comfortable doing that with everything going on. He said I was being an a$$#hole and 'sorry the world doesn't revolve around your kid.' My parents understand my decision, his fiancée thinks I am being a complete a$$#ole as well. AITA?
ETA: Husband and I are still together, because of his job he will be away at the time of the wedding.
The jury of the internet jumped on with their thoughts.
theHermanator119 wrote:
NTA. Tell your brother the world doesn't revolve around his shot-gun wedding.
BoundPrincess84 wrote:
Absolutely NTA. The world doesn't revolve around your child, true, but right now YOUR world does revolve around your child. The world also doesn't revolve around his wedding either. This is not a case of you just not wanting to bother with a sitter. Your child has seizures for crying out loud!
To top it off, it's not well managed yet and she's not old enough to tell anyone when she thinks she might be about to have one. I wouldn't leave my child with a sitter 3 hours away if I was you either. Part of having children is dealing with medical issues, and I can't imagine how hard this must be for you right now.
Part of having a child free wedding is accepting the fact that some family members won't be able to attend. If they can't accept that, that's their problem, not yours. Take care of your baby girl and tell your brother and soon-to-be SIL that you're not risking your child's health to satisfy them.
TimotheeChalamet wrote:
NTA. Your 2-year-old needs you physically more than your brother needs you. They can stream it and you can attend it virtually, but I think you being responsible and wanting to be there for your daughter in case anything happens triumphs over everything else.
They gave little notice and knows you have a child with epilepsy. It wasn't considerate of you (which is their right because it's their wedding), but you're uncomfortable leaving her for almost a whole/half day. Listen to your discomfort, and sorry but the world doesn't revolve around him or his wife. Him and his fiancee sound like they need to grow up unfortunately.
The fact that your parents also understand your decision is right on the money to say you're NTA because they're actual parents too, they understand they have responsibilities as parents. Your brother does not.
ThatHellaHighHobbit wrote:
NTA- Your husband is working, your parents will be attending, it seems like all of the humans you’d trust to take care of her aren’t able to babysit. It’s not a normal situation and your brother and bride are not being gracious at all about her diagnosis and the impact of that on your family.
Your daughter comes first. Plus they gave a two weeks notice for a child free event. They get what they get and you don’t throw a fit. Hopefully with time they will see what a$$&aces they are being. Good for you for saying no.