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Woman tells aunt to 'get it together' at cousin's wedding, gets called 'jealous.' UPDATED.

Woman tells aunt to 'get it together' at cousin's wedding, gets called 'jealous.' UPDATED.


There's nothing like a wedding to kick up all of the family drama and cause people to let you know what they really think.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a woman asked if she was wrong for telling her aunt to "get it together" at her daughter's wedding. She wrote:

"AITA for telling my aunt to get it together at her daughter's wedding?"

TA account

My cousin “Tanya” just got married. Everything was beautiful and I had the honor of being a part of the bridal party. Everyone in the party had a role to play and mine was practically “quality control” for lack of better words.

I basically had to go around and make sure people were where they needed to be for pictures, activities, etc. to keep things moving. First everything was like butter but I realized my aunt “Carrie” (MOB) kept disappearing and making things fall behind.

Not too much a deal in the beginning, but it seemed like as the reception went on Carrie kept making announcements to literally anyone she passed that she had to step away for a minute because it was an emotional day. It started to become a scene as seemingly every 20 minutes or so you could see her dramatically wiping her face and climbing over people to speed walk out of the hall to let it out.

People quickly got annoyed but didn’t say anything and I tried to ignore it myself but it came to head when Tanya was waiting for pictures and Carrie was nowhere to be found. I figured she was having a cry but after 10-15 minutes Tanya got really worried. A few of us went to search and it took us nearly 30 minutes to locate her.

By the time I get her back, it’s been nearly an hour and now things are thrown off/Tanya’s tensions were high. On the way back she kept repeating she’s emotional and it’s a big day. I told her I know and for that reason she needs to get it together so things can move along smoothly and make less things for Tanya to worry about and she can cry her eyes out when she gets home.

She got quiet and didn’t say anything else to me. We got back, took pictures and things were good until I noticed yet again Carrie’s gone. I asked around and heard she left and was met with a few dirty looks. Soon after Tanya stormed over in tears and reamed me about “forcing” her mother to leave and feel in the way. How today isn’t about me and I shouldn’t be taking over.

She also said a few rude things about me being single and jealous. I walked away because I was hurt (Tanya has always been my favorite cousin). At the bar, I was told by another family member that before Carrie left she went around to a few people including Tanya and said I told her to leave and she wasn’t wanted there so she was leaving to not be a distraction. I was livid.

I tried texting Carrie but she wouldn’t respond and Tanya wouldn’t hear my side when I tried to explain. So I just apologized and left. It’s been a few days and I’ve been getting mean texts from different guests about how I ruined things and I should get my own wedding to control.

When Carrie finally responded she just said next time to keep my mouth shut. I’m just really hurt and now I’m being made to be an evil control freak just because I wanted my aunt to stop making scenes. Should I just have let her be dramatic the whole evening? AITA?

People had lots to say.

mononokegirl_ wrote:

NTA. Your aunt made the wedding about her and for some reason made you some sort of weird scapegoat

I wouldn't be attending any family gatherings again until I got an apology.

LeilaDFW wrote:

NTA. Carrie had her routine down pat to keep drawing attention to herself. Everyone played along because they were likely use to it. You acted reasonably however in a dysfunctional family, healthy boundaries result in escalating and often abusive behavior. You had no way of knowing in advance that you were dealing with emotionally abusive people. Now you know. Stay away from all of them.

DesertSong-LaLa wrote:

NTA - She lied about you. You caught heat from her lie. Perhaps you could have delivered your 'support' with less sting but you did not deserve what she dished out. In the future, don't sign up for the 'dramatic stompin' police' role.

dncrmom wrote:

NTA for the rest of the family simply tell them you are sorry that they are believing Carrie’s lies instead of asking what really was said.

AubreyP1234 wrote:

NTA. I literally rolled my eyes when you wrote that she left. Sounds like something my mother would do. Your aunt is a drama queen at best at narcissist at worst. Your cousin is probably so programmed to deal with her bs. Don’t sweat this bad behavior.

After getting lots of support, OP jumped on with an update:

INFO UPDATE: A few people have mentioned it may have been my tone. I will admit I was extremely irritated in my last interaction with my aunt. But I did not yell or curse at her. I just told her we both know today is important so she needs to get it together and she can cry as much as she wants later. When I last found her she was on a pier smoking attached to the lake behind the venue.

Aside from being irritated about being her wrangler all day, I wasn’t too pleased that I had to take off my shoes, hike up a heavy dress, walk across a field barefoot, convince her to come back, walk back across a field, clean myself up, then smile for pictures like everything was perfect and I wasn’t getting stressed myself.

I answered below Tanya's dad passed years ago but aunt has since remarried and new husband couldn’t stay the whole even but pretty much doesn’t do anything to rein her in anyway. Aunt is constantly dramatic. Any event she tries to make about herself even a funeral once. I can agree I think Tanya is used to it and blind to it now.

I suggested moving on without Carrie once and Tanya wouldn’t have it so that’s why I tried so hard to keep Carrie where she needed to be because Tanya wanted her there for all the pictures and activities. If anyone else wandered off it wasn’t a big deal but if Carrie wandered off Tanya refused to move along until she was present so I did my best.

Clearly, OP is NTA in this.

Sources: Reddit
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