Woman wants to uninvite SIL from wedding after she plans hers close to the same date.
There is nothing quite like a competition between wedding dates. Since weddings are expensive both for the couple and the guests, having a few close together in the family can sometimes pose an issue.
In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a woman asked if she was wrong for not wanting her SIL at the wedding anymore after scheduling shifts. She wrote:
"AITA for saying I don't want my SIL at my wedding?"
My (25F) and my partner (26F) haven't had a traditional relationship. We eloped, then did the formal engagement and are now planning a small intimate wedding, no more than 40 people. It was originally planned for next year, however, her sister (28F) was graduating college for her doctorate during that same week so she asked if we could push the wedding.
My partner agreed and we moved it to the following year as we want to have the ceremony on the same day that we eloped. We are deep into the planning process, save the dates have been created, the venue has been booked, hotels have been blocked off as we will have family traveling to the wedding. Recently, SIL got engaged to her fiancée.
I just found out this morning that SIL has planned her wedding for just over a month ahead of our wedding. When we told SIL that there was a good chance our jobs would not allow for us to take time off of work to attend her wedding and still have ours with our honeymoon, she said it was fine and she understood.
My partner's younger sister was supposed to be one of my partner's bridesmaids, and as a broke college student in their words they won't be able to do both. My partner doesn't understand why I'm so upset about this. She is trying to convince me it isn't a big deal, but I think I'm justified in being upset. We have bent over backward to accommodate SIL/SIL life.
I just see it as a huge sign of disrespect that SIL would plan it so close knowing not everyone will be able to attend both weddings. I don't want someone who doesn't respect me at my wedding. AITA for saying I don't want SIL at my wedding?
People had strong thoughts on the scenario.
gonzothegreatz wrote:
Jesus. No one is the AH. These comments suck. Yes, it is totally okay to be upset about how close her wedding is to yours, especially because you planned yours first. People don’t realize this, but loads of people in your family may have to choose which wedding they attend now.
For some, travel and work schedules make it hard to go to both. This exact scenario happened to me, but my SIL planned hers for 2 months after mine. People chose to go to hers because it was at a resort, causing many folks to cancel their plans to come to ours. It sucked having so many people tell me they’d rather go to hers than ours. And that’s what happens.
On the other hand, she is allowed to pick whatever day she wants. It’s inconsiderate to choose a date so close to yours, but this is one of those things where if you make a big deal out of it you look jealous, so you have no choice but to deal with it.
MorphogeneticGrid wrote:
It doesn't matter that you're already legally married. You planned a celebration to include your family in your joy. SIL made a request that the date be changed, and you were kind enough to accommodate her because you wanted her to be a part of that celebration.
Now, after things have been decided, she has made a decision that will potentially deprive you of the company of people you wanted there, and that hurts. It feels, if not an intentional slight, at least inconsiderate on her part. NTA, and all of the YTA responses confuse me. This has nothing to do with who's already married, and everything to do with giving basic courtesy where it's due.
But I don't think uninviting SIL is the right move here. You've told her you won't be able to make her wedding, which she seems okay with, but you haven't told her that you feel hurt by the lack of respect she's showing by making the schedule impossible for you, when you made it work for her.
Of course, she's entitled to whatever date she wants, and if that's her priority you've already made your decision not to attend her wedding. But before you burn this bridge, have a heart-to-heart and share your feelings. Maybe the two of you will find another solution. Or maybe she'll reveal she did it on purpose and you can uninvite her with impunity.
Or any number of possibilities in between. So many of these posts are matters of poor communication; don't let that darken a day you've been planning for years.
Regular-Confection56 wrote:
NTA. I guess I wouldn’t go as far to disinvite her. But you’ve moved this event for her once and she doesn’t even care that you guys can’t attend her wedding...that’s kinda messed up. But I’m not sure I would want her at my wedding either.
PhilosopherEqual7748 wrote:
NTA. Lots of cultures have a legal civil ceremony and then separately hold a symbolic family and friends celebration. It sounds like the OP and partner would have had the celebration much closer to the legal ceremony but they put it off for a YEAR to satisfy SIL's request and not rain on her parade.
Now SIL's thanks is doing something that deliberately means the pair won't be able to attend themselves and other family members have to choose between them. Maybe SIL doesn't consider her sister's marriage as real as her own because it's two women and that makes it OK to trample on them.
In any case SIL is AH. Whether OP and wife want to deal with the family drama that will inevitably ensue if they don't include her is another question. On the other hand, seems like with this SIL there is going to be family drama in any case.
laureleggs wrote:
YTA. I can see why you're hurt but translating that hurt into not wanting the SIL at your wedding is childish.
No one can agree on this one.