'My MIL, who never showed any signs of disliking me, shredded my dress on my wedding day.' UPDATED 3X

"My (27f) Future Mother-in-law (58f) ruined my wedding dress! I'm getting married in 8 hours!"

Here's the original post:

I'm sitting here in my "bridal suite" bawling my eyes out right now. My wedding party is doing their best to try and find a replacement dress, but I just needed to write this all out and see what random internet strangers can suggest. To make things easier, I'll call my future mother-in-law Karen and my fiance will be Lee.

Lee and I have been together for 5 years and engaged for about 18 months. I met him my senior year of college/his first year of grad school. I met his family a year into dating and they seemed great. Karen was always very friendly to me and I never had any issues with her.

Lee and I even lived with her and his dad during the entire summer two years ago after our adjustment lease was up and we were waiting for our house to be finished being built. There were never any arguments, we had our privacy, and we regularly enjoyed family outings together.

Lee and I decided to hold our wedding near the town where we met. I have a friend from college who is from here and her family has a large estate with an old farm house that is the perfect location for our wedding. We have been planning for well over a year and today was supposed to be the best day of our lives. But Karen has ruined it.

On Thursday Karen, Lee's dad, and Lee's siblings/their spouses arrived in town. We had booked a block of rooms at the nicest hotel in town and were under the impression everyone had made reservations.

Turns out, Karen and Lee's dad expected to stay on the estate. I don't see how this happened, since when we reserved the estate and secured the block of rooms, I provided hotel information to everyone (Karen, Lee's dad, siblings and spouses) at family dinner.

Karen asked if she and Lee's dad would be staying at the estate and I told her that the estate only had the one house and we would be using it to get ready/stay at Thursday-Sunday.

Anyway, when they got here Thursday and didn't have a room, we scrambled and decided to give them the house Thursday night while Lee and I ended up crashing with my friend whose family owns the estate.

No big deal, except Karen refused to get a hotel room yesterday morning because the hotel where we blocked rooms is sold out. Lee gently told her that she and his dad cannot stay at the house again because last night my wedding party stayed here and we were getting ready this morning (and didn't need to worry about Karen and his dad- but he didn't tell her this).

So Karen started crying and I told her I would find another place for them to stay where there would be other guests. We found another room for them at the second nicest hotel in town, got them a larger, corner room, and even covered the costs for last night and tonight.

Last night my 4 best friends arrived and after the rehearsal and dinner we piled up on the couches, watched movies, ate popcorn, and enjoyed a few cocktails at the estate house. At 8:30 this morning, I was woken up by my mother who had tears in her eyes. I thought something had happened to my grandfather since he's recently been diagnosed with cancer and isn't expected to live out the rest of the year.

Instead, she told me that "somehow" my wedding dress had been destroyed and there was no way to salvage it.

My dress was literally cut into strips! My veil had been ripped to shreds! There's nothing salvageable!

I put the dress bag in the master bedroom closet when Lee and I arrived on Wednesday evening. I showed it to Lee's sister, sister-in-law, and Karen when they arrived Thursday night. I hadn't looked at it again since. The only people that had access were Karen, Lee's dad, Lee, my bridesmaids, and my mother.

My bridesmaids never went into my room last night and my mother would have no reason to do such a thing, so it had to be Karen or her husband! I called Lee, crying, and all I could manage to say was, "Your mother ruined my dress" before handing my phone to my mom to explain.

Lee was furious. He called Karen and she hung up on him when he asked her if she cut up my dress. Then he called his sister and she told Lee he was being ridiculous, saying Karen would never do such a thing. But when he asked her who whose could have done it, his sister was at a loss for suspects.

My mother, grandmother, and two of my bridesmaids have gone into town to try and find a dress. Fortunately my aunt is a seamstress and should be able to make some last minute alterations if they find a dress. I keep trying to stay positive, but my beautiful dress, the one I imagined marrying the love of my life in, is gone.

And Karen! Oh my god, Karen! I don't want to look at her ever again, much less have her be a part of my wedding. I can't bring myself to tell Lee how I feel and he hadn't asked- probably because he knows what I'm going to say.

I just... I know ask that matters is that today I'm going to marry my best friend- dress or not. I would marry him in a bath robe. But I don't know how to focus on the happiness of the day with Karen there.

TL;DR: future mother-in-law (never any signs of bad feelings between us) cut my wedding dress into pieces and it's ruined completely. I'm trying to focus on the happiness of the day, but I can't help but feel extremely hateful towards her. Trying to salvage the day, but I don't know if I should allow her there or not acc how to handle that conversation with my fiance/her.

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She later shared this update on the situation:

To share the full story my husband and I met at university 5 years ago. His mother was wonderful to me, respectful, and understood boundaries. We got engaged a year and a half ago. We decided to have a kinda destination wedding to where we went to college. It's a kinda small town, but my friend from university has a large estate there with orchards and houses. We decided to marry there.

So my husband and I arrived Wednesday night to stay at a house on the estate. I put my dress bag in the master bedroom closet. Thursday evening my mother-in-law, father-in-law, husband's siblings and their significant others arrived into town and came out to see us at the estate house. I showed mother-in-law and my sisters-in-law my dress.

Mother-in-law and father-in-law thought they were staying at the estate. Not with us, but at another house on the property. This was the first time anything like this happened and even though I thought I had made it clear they needed to secure their own lodging, I figured it was an innocent mistake.

See, when we got the estate we contacted the nicest hotel in town to get a block of rooms. We told everyone at the same time during a family meal. I provided contact info for the hotel and mother-in-law asked me about everyone staying at the estate. I told her that space was limited at the estate and left it at that.

I realized that I should have specifically told her that she needed to get a room in town. But she also knew that my bridal party was staying with me Friday night so we could get ready there Saturday morning.

So when they arrived Thursday, my husband's siblings and spouses had booked hotel rooms and mother-in-law and father-in-law thought they were staying on the estate. My husband explained that wasn't the case, they were shocked, so we decided to give them the house for the night and crashed with my friend whose family owns the estate.

We did this because the hotel was fully booked and as late as it was we just wanted to take the easy way out. Well Thursday mother-in-law refused to go to a hotel because she didn't want to be somewhere without other guests. We ended up finding them a bigger, corner room at the second nicest hotel in town where there were other guests staying and we paid for it. I thought everything was fine.

Friday we had the rehearsal and after the girls and I hung out, had a few drinks, and watched movies. Yesterday morning my mother woke me up at 8:30 and was in tears. She has gone to get my dress to let it air out and it had been cut into strips! It was cut in 4 sections, from top to bottom and my veil had been ripped nearly in half.

The only people that could have done this were my husband, my mother-in-law, my father-in-law, or my bridal party. So I called my husband and all I could say was "Your mother cut up my dress" before handing the phone off to my mom.

Fortunately I composed myself enough to talk to him a bit and allow a few people to go into town to try and find a replacement dress. I tried really hard to keep positive. My husband called his mother and asked why she ruined my dress ace she hung up on him. Then he called his sister and told her what happened.

She swore her mother couldn't have done that, but when asked by my husband, couldn't suggest another culprit. They decided to confront their mother together. Since a lot of people had a problem with it on my original post, I told my husband not to come to the estate house. We had planned a special first look and I didn't want to let my mother-in-law ruin that as well.

So the outcome of all of this is that my husband told his mother she was not allowed at the wedding. She proceeded to lose her mind. Apparently this was alarming for the family since this was entirely out of character for her.

However no one tried to force my husband to change his mind, which made me feel better about continuing with having the wedding. Just in case we asked a few trusted friends to keep an eye out for her and father-in-law during our celebration, but they didn't attempt to come. Father-in-law also said that they would pay for the ruined dress and the replacement dress purchased yesterday.

There were plenty of people asking where my mother-in-law and father-in-law were but my husband and his siblings handled it by saying she wasn't feeling like herself and that sufficed. This morning father-in-law called, congratulated us, and apologized for mother-in-laws actions.

She's wanting to apologize but I've refused to speak to her. I need to calm down and just relax. My husband and I are at the airport waiting for our flight to go on our honeymoon, so I hope the next week is enough time to get myself together.

—————

She later shared this second update:

So many of you have reached out to me and I couldn't begin to respond to all of the comments. But please know that I have read every single one I received and that I appreciate all of the kind words and congratulations. This will be another post I cannot reply to as I am (hopefully) minutes away from boarding a cruise ship.

Some of you suggested a doctor's exam for my mother-in-law. It's not needed. We found out this morning she has a brain tumor. She and father-in-law were keeping it from the family as to not take away from our celebration. They were going to tell us and the rest of the family when we got back from our honeymoon.

This is why father-in-law was so quick to apologize and offer to cover costs- while he wasn't aware of what had happened, he knew mother-in-law was displaying some odd behavior in the last week. Without giving out too much information, mother-in-law most likely cut my dress because she thought she was "working on it". Given the way it was cut, this makes sense.

I still have not spoken to her, but she did send me a lengthy email apologizing for her actions, admitting she did this despite not fully remembering, and telling me she understands if I never speak to her again.

She did not ask me to "forgive and forget" or to "apologize for how I feel" and not what she did. I never in a million years would have thought she could have done this, but process of elimination ended with only her. Also, to better explain a few things about her and father-in-law staying Wednesday night. Mother-in-law did not show out that evening.

She seemed completely confused and thought they were staying at one of the houses on the estate. Now knowing about the tumor, this explains her confusion that night and strange behavior/attitude Thursday and Saturday mornings.

My husband and I decided to go ahead with our plans at both mother-in-law and father-in-law's request. Both husband and I wanted to go back home immediately, but father-in-law said there's nothing we can do about the situation, so we should just try to enjoy ourselves and worry about the rest when we return. I feel terrible about this and I seriously hope she'll make a full recovery.

Also, for those that felt I should be out for blood- I won't lie, I wanted her dead at several points on Saturday morning. But she was absolutely wonderful to me the entire time I've known her. We even lived with her and father-in-law for an entire summer while our house was being finished and she never once crossed a boundary or was anything but kind and loving.

But I do want to make it clear that if she wasn't going through this medical issue, I would never have seen her again. Nor would she ever see any children we might have.

Oh. Another common question was why father-in-law stayed with her and missed the wedding. At the time he told my husband he felt mother-in-law needed to be "watched" and my husband thought he meant mother-in-law might act out again. We now know father-in-law was worried mother-in-law might have another episode and could get hurt or hurt someone else. Again I thank you all for reaching out.

————

She then shared this third update:

That was my MIL. I deleted the posts because someone “found me” and I was concerned that more people would recognize the situation. Though there was not any ill intent by the person who found me, I felt it was important to respect my MIL, given her actions were not malicious.

DH and I are coming up on a year of marriage. I have no more bad thoughts about my wedding day, which I am thankful for. We are just now in the process of moving FIL into a retirement community closer to us. He tried to stay in the family’s house after MIL passed, but it was too painful.