'WIBTA for not inviting my sister’s BF to my wedding because he's so much older than her?'
"WIBTA for not inviting my sister’s boyfriend to my wedding because of his age?"
romanciere1
My sister (27F) has started dating her new boyfriend (age relevant) a couple months ago. Historically, her relationships are short-lasting and not very serious. But she speaks of her current boyfriend differently. In the couple months of their relationship, things have become serious. They are living together and have spoken about marriage and are in love.
So naturally, I ensured space for him at my upcoming wedding wanting to support her relationship and make them comfortable. The wedding is small and casual; close friends and family only. Invites have yet to formally go out.
Yesterday, when on the phone with my sister, she revealed that her boyfriend is 65-years-old. I was surprised. Her boyfriend, afterall, is older than our dad, and her boyfriend’s children are older than my sister. Her boyfriend even has an infant granddaughter.
I refrained from judgement as my sister has a history of forsaking those who do (fair enough). For example, my parents and family (who will be attending the wedding) have been nearly cut from my sister’s life as she often feels they judge her and disapprove of her life choices.
Needless to say, she has not revealed the age of her boyfriend to my parents and family, and they will meet him for the first time at my wedding. I imagine my family will be disapproving and upset; likely completely spoiling the mood of the wedding as my parents, mom in particular, are very sensitive and reactive.
So, now I’m in a bit of a dilemma. Do I want my wedding to be a source of inevitable drama? Should I not invite my sister’s boyfriend to avoid this; risking my sister becoming upset? Or do I accept what will be will be?
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
Sparklingwine23
NTA, but tell your sister that your wedding is not the time to introduce her boyfriend to your family. She should introduce him more than a month before your big day to get to know him and stave off any family drama on your big day.
RevRagnarok
This is what I was thinking - even a rehearsal dinner may be too late!
holisarcasm
Do the adult thing and call her and let her know if she wants him to be invited to your wedding, she needs to tell the family about his age now or you will because you will not wait for it to become the focus at your wedding. If she doesn't like that, don't invite her. If she wants to cut off family, let her do so.
makethatnoise
NAH. She's an adult, and she can do what she wants with her life. At the same time, an almost 40 year age difference is going to make some people uncomfortable. It's valid to not have the first time they meet be at your wedding.
I would talk to your sister, and tell her you're happy that she's happy, but you don't want the first meeting to take place at the wedding. Suggest a family get together with everyone invited, and if she's not willing to do that, respectfully ask her to not have him attend.
If you're mature enough to date a 65 year old, you should be mature enough to understand it's going to weird some people out, and that you will have to navigate those meet and greets with family/friends with tact.
Garamon7
NTA. Your sister is hiding BF's age because she probably wants to use your wedding to introduce him without risking a big drama. She hopes that during an important ceremony your family will hold back and won't show their true reactions. This is selfish behavior, even if she has a bad past experience. Talk to her and explain that you'll invite her BF only if she introduce him to your family beforehand.
RB1327
"The wedding is small and casual; close friends and family only."
The compromise position you might offer, is that she set up a meet-and-greet with your immediate family and her boyfriend---well prior to the wedding date.
NAH yet. The resulting interactions/reactions will let you decide clearly how to proceed.
The OP responded here:
romanciere1
I think the general consensus is to have her introduce her boyfriend to my family before the wedding, which I think is a great idea! I hope she's receptive to it. Either way, I think it's the most appropriate way to handle this before making any potentially damaging decisions on invites. Thank you!