'AITA for calling my SIL cruel for excluding my husband from her wedding because of his pranks?'

"AITA for calling my SIL cruel for excluding her brother (my husband) from her upcoming wedding?"

My husband (32) grew up with one sibling, his sister (28). their parente seperated and because of that they drifted apart because each one of them chose one parent to stay with. he had a rocky relationship with SIL growing up as a result, but later got to work out their differences. My husband is a jokester, Sil complains about being on the recieving end of his pranks and jokes whenever they spent time together,

She claimed that because of him, she lost her high school friends, her highschool sweetheart and lots of self esteem because his pranks wore her down emotionally and mentally. Now they're in a better place but old habits die hard and my husband is still the jokester he was years ago.

SIL got engaged 2 months ago and invited my husband and me. Unfortunately, My husband decided it was a good time to pull a prank on her during the party and lied about her fiance's brother having an accident that night. He was joking of course, but things got out of hands and the party got cancelled. My SIL yelled at my husband and hasn't been speaking to him eversince.

Now her wedding is coming up, but she hasn't yet sent her brother an invite. Seeing him sad and depressed made me call her to ask what the deal was. She bluntly said she wasn't going to send him an invite to her wedding after he ruined her engagement but I thought that was excessive, first of all, it was a prank, a regular one that he pulls all the time and she and everyone else reacted over the top.

and besides he already apologized multiple times and in my opinion, that should be enough for him to be granted some grace and forgiveness. She said sorry but she wasn't going to take a risk snd invite him so he'd ruin her wedding, and besides that her fiance does not feel comfortable having him there and she agreed with him.

I was stunned I called her cruel because this is her brother, and he never had malicious intentions towards her yet, she keeps getting offended and oversensitive over everything he does, at the end of the day they're family. She asked that I respect her choice but I said that this is not okay seeing how sad her brother is because he doesn't wanna miss her wedding.

She ended the call after saying she owes no one nothing. I found that real harsh and cruel and felt like she keeps punishing him over something that was in the past. My husband started crying when I told him about it, but there are actually some family members agreeing with her decision and telling me off for defending my husband's "horrid" attitude.

This is what top commenters had to say:

AshleighChasexx said:

YTA. That’s not something to joke about. I know the mental distress of a person who is the recipient of cruel “jokes” like that. Your husband is an AH for thinking that was a funny joke, you’re an AH for thinking your SIL is cruel… essentially agreeing with your AH husband. You both sound toxic and I don’t blame SIL for cutting you both out.

Dr_Proct ais:

you and your husband are raging a-holes.. totally YTA when people say the line of "oh its just a prank", you know deep down they are assholes as they are trying to cover up being dicks to people by trying the "calm down its a joke" bit. as much as you want to try and cover for him, he ABSOLUTLY had malicious intent towards his sister for traumatizing her for many many years "com'on man, its just a joke" F off

Unit-Healthy said:

"and lied about her fiance's brother having an accident that night"

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! OMG I can't stop laughing at that one! I'm gonna go tell everyone I know how funny this was! (oh by the way my actual brother died in an actual accident , so it's even more thigh-slappingly funny for me!)

Yeah YTA and you know it. And he's the biggest AH of all. That poor bride is probably terrified what will happen to her car, house, friends, or pets while he's banned from the wedding and desperate to play another hilarious prank. I hope she's got security all around her wedding, home and possessions.

drakkya said:

YTA - your husband isn’t a „jokester“, he‘s an infantile bully and you know it. He has proven time and time again that he can’t be trusted. He brought this on himself and no one else is at fault but him.

AnitaSouleata said:

It'll be okay, OP. After the wedding has happened, your SIL can tell your husband it was just a prank not to invite him and he'll stop being upset about it. That's how that works, right? It's fine if he was upset by it, because it was just a prank. YTA.

raerlynn said:

YTA. Hard to swallow pill: what your hubby and your call pranks and teasing, were actually bullying, and she's completely in her right to tell you both you're not invited. You are not the victims here. Hubby effed around and found out.

Tiseye said:

YTA and so is your husband. He's been tormenting her for years. I'm glad she go the courage to tell him and his "pranks" to eff off. Pranks are only funny if all involved are laughing. Otherwise it's bullying. Your husband is a bully.

fakemonalisa said:

YTA. It sounds like you've been making excuses for your husband's behavior for a long time, to the point where you think that what he does, and how he treats people, is normal. There will come a time in your life when you look around and realize that there are very few people left.

You will have spent many of your best years making excuses and arguing away your husband's behavior, telling people to "lighten up" and that it's "just a joke" while refusing to acknowledge that they are real people that he has hurt. Doesn't it get exhausting, having to make excuses for him?

ThornAernought said:

YTA. Honestly, the difference between a prank and abuse is the impact it has on the victim. Traumatizing someone as a prank is not okay.

Verdict: YTA. Do you agree?