'AITA for cancelling our wedding venue a couple of months before the wedding day?' UPDATED

"AITA for cancelling our wedding venue a couple of months before the wedding day?"

Here's the original post:

So about a year ago I popped the big question. I was deeply in love with my girlfriend and everything felt amazing. That is until she transformed into a bridezilla in front of my eyes. Ever since we got engaged all she can do is talk about the wedding, which was fine at first but it started to consume her.

I thought that I would get some say in how the day was going to go but everything I suggest is immediately shot down. The only choice I got to make was my tux and even that had to fit her God damn color scheme. Well things really started ramping up when her mother came down for the weekend. She's your typical trailer trash woman who married into a successful family.

All her ideas are awful and tacky yet my fiancee laps it up like a dehydrated person in a desert. When I try to bring it up with her she tells me that this is "her" big day and I should just be supportive. I told her it was my money and that I should have more say in how it's spent. Her mom picked out maroon table clothes with flowers and suns on them, I feel like it's a funeral for a carnival worker.

She even suggested we have beer kegs on tap. So the last straw was that her and her mother, without my consent, used my credit card as a payment on a venue down by a river instead of the church we discussed where my family has attended for generations and made many contributions, the pricing was even a little cheaper minus the price of the hall afterwards.

Who wants to get married next to a stinking river full of flies and whatever other insects will float around, on top of all the people who will just waltz up to the river to enjoy the day while were trying to get married. I finally had enough so after she told me what she did I cancelled the payment on my credit card (after spending hours dealing with my credit card company),

and told her she could either set up a date at the church or find someone else to marry because I've had enough of this. She's spent the last couple hours bawling her eyes out to her mom and making me seem like the monster after she went behind my back. Am I the A hole in this situation?

TL;DR: my fiancee became a bridezilla and won't let me make any decisions and her and her mother have teamed up against me. She chose a venue without my consent so I cancelled the payment and told her that she either goes with my choice of where we get married or we aren't getting married at all.

What do you think? Is he the AH in this situation? This is what top commenters had to say:

Chronicallyoddsgirl said:

ESH. Your fiancee is way out of line booking something with your credit card without discussing it, but you also seem assholishly condescending. You talk about her trashy mother and look down on her trashy ideas, completely ignoring that these are things your fiancee genuinely likes. Her mother is trailer trash? Then that's probably how she was raised.

That's what she's comfortable with. Why are you marrying someone when you look down on the way she was raised and the things she enjoys? You say the original plan was for you to get married in the church that has been special to your family for generations, but also that you have had no input other than your tux.

Those conflicting statements make me wonder what else you've my-way-or-the-highway'ed her on and not even noticed or cared that you were because it seemed right or normal to you. Honestly, I feel like you both have way more issues to sort out than the venue before you get married.

auberus said:

NTA. Frankly, in your shoes, I'd have called off the entire wedding. It seems like as soon as she had you locked in, her real personality came to the fore. Her mother is probably a good example of what your fiancee will become in the future. I'd have nope'd the fuck out a while ago. You don't say that you love her -- you say you did. Time to walk away, dude. For both of your sakes.

Psuedo_Pixie said:

I may be in the minority, but ESH. Your finance and her mom for the reasons everyone is pointing out, but you for your snobby attitude towards her and her family. Calling your future mother in law “Trailer trash” and disparaging all of the things she and your fiancé like is pretty shitty.

TooLateHindsight said:

ESH. I'm only picking this cause I don't understand why you continue to put yourself through this. You for real still wanna marry her? Some brides can be super excited and control many aspects of "the big day" but she's taking it to reality TV show levels.

songofsuccubus said:

NTA, 100%. This is insane that she booked a venue without discussing it with you, and added insult to injury by doing it on your credit card without asking you. She’s an inconsiderate idiot for doing this and she deserves everything that is coming to her.

Based on the admittedly limited information I have, I think you should also really reconsider the wedding in general. Lot of red flags here. If she’s willing to book a venue without talking to you and use your money to do it, imagine the financial recklessness she could engage in later. Wishing the best for you, OP.

Verdict: A mix between NTA and ESH.

Since his original post, the groom sharted these two updates:

Update 1: Thank you everyone for your great responses. It has been pretty eye opening to say the least, I'm going to confront her in the morning. I'll post another update for anyone still interested.

Update 2: I tried creating a new thread but don't understand how the filters work. Here'what happened after. I got a lot of great advice from my post last and the main thing that I took away was that someone using your money for large purchases behind your back is a big red flag.

Well it turns out you guys were right because I decided to look into our finances regarding the wedding and found a lot more than I bargained for. I have a large savings account that I have been putting money into for the last 8 years or so, about a year back my fiancee ran into some vehicle trouble and it was a hassle so I gave her access to my account in case of emergencies in the future.

This same account is what we were using for a lot of the wedding expenses. We agreed on a maximum price that we could spend out of it and everything else would have to come directly out of pocket. I don't often keep tabs on the account because really it's in the back of my mind, I put money out of each check into it and move on.

Well after all this went down yesterday I decided to check all my finances and found out that not only had she exceeded the limit we had agreed too, but that some of the money coming out didn't make sense. She had transfered almost $2000 to her mother recently.

I confronted her about this today and her answer was that her mom needed the money to come down because she can't be spending her money right now due to a new business venture her mother and father are involved in. I was angry because it's bullshit that not only is the mother and father not helping with the wedding but we have to pay for them the entire time too.

These people are pretty well off so it's pretty ridiculous. That wasn't the end of it though because after more arguing my fiancee told me that she paid for her mother and her dad to come down last time too and it wasn't a big deal and that I didn't even notice the money was gone so who cares. After learning all this I told her the wedding was off for now until I get a chance to think things through.

She cried and begged for another chance but I wouldn't budge I told her I need time. She's staying at the hotel with her mother tonight and I'm not sure what I'm going to do yet. I'm so mad right now and feel really betrayed. I don't know if she's the right one for me anymore. We have talked over the phone recently but still haven't gotten anywhere. It's a pretty tough situation all around.