'AITA for not telling my dad that my mom got married?' UPDATED

"AITA for not telling my dad that my mom got married?"

Here's the original post:

My (17F) parents got divorced when I was 12, because my dad had a 2 year long affair with mom's bestfriend. It was really shameful because mom's bestfriend was with her since they were 3. My mom had been pressurized by dad's family that she forgives him but instead mom decided to divorce him.

A lot of the family members actually stopped talking to mom because of this and some of her friends also took her bff's side. For this reason mom was very devastated. Over the years she has been to 2 different therapists for the trauma she had.

As for my dad, he dated mom's bestfriend for a while before they broke up. That is when my dad realized he loved mom and tried everything to get her back. But my mom was stubborn and shut him off. He was still on and off with Sylvia (mom's bestfriend).

I had to be in this mess. Especially with my dad who would always try to guilt trip me into convincing mom into being with him. I have heard from him things like "I wish we were family together." "It was just a mistake, I am willing to do anything to make amends." "I want us to be a family again but your mom doesn't want to." I had enough of it.

So when I was 15 I decided to stay with mom and only visit dad on weekends because I cannot handle his constant nagging. Also because during that time my mom started dating, Jack who was the father of my classmate.

My dad found out and started asking questions after questions about Jack. He wanted me to spy on Jack. But I had enough of it. I strictly told him if he doesn't stop these nonsense I would cut him off completely.

Few months ago, my mom announced that she will be marrying Jack within few days. They got engaged that day and only wanted a small ceremony with just few family members. It was a small gathering of only 15 people. Just me and Jack's son along with some close family and friends. The wedding happened in Jack's backyard.

They had photographer too but my mom only recently posted the pictures after coming back from her honeymoon. My dad had no idea because my mom didn't wanted him to know anything. She was afraid my dad would create some drama and cause a scene. I respected her wishes.

My dad saw those photos and called me to confirm. I said yes, my mom got married few months ago. My dad was angry. He called me a traitor and said I was an ah@le for keeping it away. He has the right to know which man my mom was marrying.

This was last straw for me. I told him to F off. He has lost all right over mom the moment he decided to stick his dick inside Sylvia. My mom knew he was an unhinged person so I am glad she didn't tell him. I also told him to leave us the F alone and cut the phone.

My mom also got messages from him. I read some of those. They were mostly of him accusing her of breaking up our family. Remind you he is again dating Sylvia. I heard from my cousins that my dad has started to act abnormal ever since. I am wonder if I went too far with it.

Commenters overwhelmingly agreed that she's NTA. Here are some top comments:

GrootSuitRiot said:

He's got no business involving his child in such things and you're right to not give in to his demands. I think you already know that, but if you need to hear it, there it is.

Some-Coyote1409 said:

Hell no you aren't the AH. Your father and his family are huge POS. Really? Really? They wanted your mum to stay with that trashy husband even though he's a disgusting husband?

You are right. He lost any right on his former wife and his "precious" family the moment he cheated on her. Your mum had a really hard time overcoming the betrayal and divorce. I'm glad she finally find someone worth it. Congratulations on your mother's wedding.

[deleted] said:

NTA, although I’m pretty sure you know that already. Your dad literally effed around and found out. It’s not your fault he’s not happy that he can’t just do what he wants with no consequences or the rest of the world moving on without him, let alone if he’s genuinely still delusional enough to think that’s how it works.

Ten days after the original post, OP shared this messy update:

So, something weird has happened. Few days ago, Sylvia came to my mom's house. I was there. She was shouting at mom and said that she is stealing her man (my dad) away from her. She literally said "You already had your fun with him. Why can't you just leave him alone?" My mom told her to get lost.

Sylvia went on a rant that how much she is better than my mom and even threatened that she would sleep with her new husband as well. My mom told her if that ever happens she will be doing her a favor by taking the trash out. And she trusts Jack would never hurt her.

My mom threatened to call the police on Sylvia that eventually made her leave her property. As much as I hate the drama but I must say watching that wretched woman have a meltdown because my dad was still hung up on my mom is precious.

Apparently dad dumped Sylvia again in hopes that mom would see that he is dedicated to win her back. Who knows how long will that last.

My dad also got into a fight with a random person in a bar because he was drunk. I guess he is still coping with the feeling that mom is not going be with him anymore. Thank god the guy didn't press charges. I had a heart to heart conversation with him (at least I tried to). I asked him if he is so in love with mom why did he cheat?

His answers were illogical. He said that as a man it is hard to control the urges. At that time Sylvia was flirting with him and he took a shot. He knows it is wrong. He thought it would be once and then he will dump her. But it went on for a long time. He said I won't understand it because I am not a man.

A man can cheat but still love his wife and would die for his wife. He loves my mom but he still has urges to be with other woman. This conversation was going nowhere. I didn't ask much. I just told him I hope his son-in-law treats me the way he treated my mom. He never gave an answer to that.

I still can't believe he would to this day think he is the victim. Anyways, I am thinking about moving in with mom permanently. I know Sylvia would come by his house now. Can anyone please help me understand what he means because I always though you cheat because you do not love that person? Maybe I am wrong in someway.

Good luck to this girl on setting boundaries with her dad, and hopefully finding peace living with her mom.

Also, if you're reading this, OP, or anyone in OP's situation, you might enjoy this book.