'AITA for not wanting my fiancé's brother at my wedding since he always flirts with me?'
"AITA for not wanting my soon to be BIL at my wedding?"
Here's the original post:
Hi everybody. I 26f am about to get married to my wonderful fiancé 28m. He and I have been together for 5 years and our wedding is set to take place in this spring. So for some backstory, when I was 18 I was on one date with a guy who was 18 too. We went out to dinner and I thought we had a really great time and really liked him.
After our date, I texted him telling him I had a great time and I would love to meet him again. He just responded with telling me thanks, that he enjoyed our date but did not find a connection with me and would not want to see me anymore as he felt it would not be fair to me. I really liked this guy and was heartbroken, but I moved in.
Three years later I met my now husband, when I met him I had no idea as to who he was. We hit it off and clicked instantly and fell hard for each other. It was not until 6 months later when I was at dinner with his family and his brother was there that I realized that his brother was the guy I went on a date with.
I explained this to my husband, he was fine with it. I also messaged his brother telling him I did not know they were related in anyway but that I really liked his brother and would like it if he did not let our past together disturb my relationship. He responded by telling we that we were all good.
However, he has continually flirted with me. When we meet him for dinner, he always flirts, saying stuff like telling me my dress looks nice, that I look great or telling me a specific thing on the menu looks like something I would like. He always does this in front of my husband who has not said a word about this.
He also tries to make me jealous all the time, like when we all are out with his family he sometimes bring a girl with him if they have been dating for sometime and he will always kiss her on the cheek, talk with her all the time and flirting with her.
I have kept my mouth shut about this as to not cause anything bad between him and my fiancé, but with wedding planning and sending out invites, I just had to say something. I told him I don’t want his brother there because his brother always flirts with me and tries to make me jealous.
My fiancé looked dumbfounded and asked when this happens, if his brother does this stuff when he is at the bathroom or simply not looking. I told him no and brought up all the things I did here. My fiancé laughed and asked me if I was okay in the head and if I was joking. I got angry at him and said that if he could not see how truly disgusting his brother’s behavior is then he is not who I thought he was.
We have barely talked since this, I got a text from his brother saying that he was sorry if he ever made me feel uncomfortable and that he had no intention to make me feel that way. My fiancé is still mad at me. Was I really the a-hole for this? I just want my happiest day to be my happiest day and it can’t be that if I have to worry about his brother doing something.
Hmm. What do you think? Is she the a-hole? Or has her fiancé's brother crossed the line? This is what top commenters:
TapeDeckSlick said:
"He also tries to make me jealous all the time, like when we all are out with his family he sometimes bring a girl with him if they have been dating for sometime and he will always kiss her on the cheek, talk with her all the time and flirting with her." YTA - Sounds like you ARE jealous
SolarPerfume said:
Wait, BIL talks to his date consistently in your presence? He flirts with his date? He kisses his date on the cheek in front of you? ON THE CHEEK?!?!? Oh, my goodness the audacity of that man! He took you out eight years ago and acts this way?? Where is my fainting couch? I must fan myself and clutch my pearls. YTA
jrm1102 said:
YTA - umm… Yeah the dude is just being nice to you. He wasnt flirting.
[deleted] said:
YTA. You have main character syndrome. Dude isnt interested in you. He's just being nice and living his life. Being so egocentric and self obsessed in your life can't be healthy.
Antique_Ad_4413 said:
YTA big time. You are heartbroken after a guy was a gentleman and after your first date said he didn't feel a connection and didn't want to string you along. That is you problem. Heartbroken after one day. Then you meet his brother, full for him and everything is good. You find out that they are brothers and he says everything is fine.
Now you get mad and call it flirting when he says a compliment like nice dress or you look good. That's called good manners not flirting. And the only one sees anything wrong with him bringing a girl around and kissing her on the cheek is trying to make you jealous.
Obviously you are not over the brother and in your mind you feel like you settled for the younger brother who's not the one you truly want. You need to talk to your fiance because you're the one with the delusional issues and no one else.
Your fiance is not talking for a real reason you're being unreasonable and basically delusional. If you can't see normal behavior from the brother, you are ruining your own relationship. If this doesn't change you might find yourself without a fiance.
[deleted] said:
YTA. You have main character syndrome. Dude isnt interested in you. He's just being nice and living his life. Being so egocentric and self obsessed in your life can't be healthy.
Verdict: Most commenters agree she's not only TA, but completely delusional and self-absorbed. Do you agree?