"AITA for replacing my maid-of-honor over her 'inappropriate' bachelorette party idea?" UPDATED

"AITA for replacing my maid of honor?"

Here's the original post:

I am getting married and my bachelorette party has started being planned. My best friend Katie is planning the bachelorette party. I had not officially asked her yet to be my maid of honor but it was assumed. We’ve been friends since Kindergarten and talked about this our whole lives. Prior to meeting my fiance we had quite a party lifestyle and Katie always joked around about this being the last hoorah.

We were going over the guest list to the bachelorette and I explained I wanted my mother in law and my fiancés brothers wives to attend. So an additional 3 people. I let her know I had told them they were invited. Katie said she didn’t want them there because the activities wouldn’t be appropriate.

So I said that’s okay and we can find something else to do and that if anyone paid any deposits or any cancellation fees I’d give her the money spent back. After some arguing Katie said I’m taking all her work for granted and that she was done. I wasn’t sure if she said that out of anger (that would be typical for her) or not so I called one of my future sister in laws, Jess, and just needed to vent.

Jess said she’d come over and we’d figure it out. Jess called my other future sister in law, Ashley, and they came over with my mother in law and we planned a whole new bachelorette party in a couple hours. (I’m actually really excited for it.)

They really saved the day. I had a conversation with my fiance and asked if he’d think it was weird if I asked them both to be my maid of honors instead. They were both already going to be bridesmaids and their husbands are my fiancés best men. My fiance said he thinks they’d really love that and it would help us bond more.

So the next day I officially asked them both at family dinner in front of my in laws, fiance, his brothers, and some extended family. We all cried and none of us have sisters so we all joked about how we finally had them. My future sister in laws posted pictures to social media and captioned it “All the (insert last name) girls. We can’t wait to spend this special day with our newest sister.”

Katie saw this and flipped out on me about how I’m just replacing her and how I don’t even care about her feelings. She said I’m throwing away our friendship over girls who haven’t been there for me my whole life. And how could I just replace her role on the most important day of my life within 24 hours. Katie even commented on the post saying “the betrayal”.

Katie is making me feel like such an AH. My fiance thinks Katie is overreacting and for me not to worry about it. I just want someone’s opinion who unbiased. AITA?

What do you think? Is she in the wrong here? This is what top commenters had to say:

thirdtryisthecharm said:

ESH. I think you're going to lose this friendship if you don't do damage control soon.

My read is: Katie organized the event she thought you guys agreed to - something raunchy and a little wild as a last hoorah. You didn't want that but rather than saying that explicitly you invited family members.

For Katie this probably felt like you were flipping the script on what you guys talked about for years. Katie got unreasonably angry, probably because she's been thinking about an anticipating this event for years.

Neither of you extended the olive branch to talk. You planned with other people and iced Katie out, which has compounded any bad feelings that existed. So do you want this friendship to still be a thing or not?

Captain_Linebeck said:

Sounds like she planned an entire event for you, then you added more people and changed what you wanted for the event? Yeah, YTA. I am also engaged right now and gave the MOH/Best Man clear expectations of what we were aiming for and who would be invited.

Couldn’t imagine changing that up on them after they’ve put hard work into it already. And obviously your fiancé is siding with his sisters and mom on this..

Odd_Task8211 said:

YTA for letting your best friend find out she was being replaced on social media. When you made that decision you should have told her before you invited the others to be MOH.

Euphoric_Travel2541 said:

YTA, OP. You threw over your best friend since Kindergarden, who always looked forward to this day with you, who had your back, who put in a lot of planning work for your bachelorette party, who you both assumed would be your maid of honor..just to “bond with” your future sisters in law, and impress your soon to be family. It sounds like you are pretty fickle.

Even to call your future sister in law to “vent” is a betrayal. To replace her as a maid of honor and let her find out about it on social media is cruel. Why couldn’t you both have figured out some modifications to the already planned bachelorette party, if you had to have these three new family members added? You didn’t respect her investment of work in it at all.

Or leave the three out of this one and let them plan a smaller family bachelorette event for you in addition? You have not treated your old friend well at all, OP. You know what they say-make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver, but the other’s gold.

Glad_Performer_7531 said:

when u decided to change who was MOH you should have had that convo with katie before she found out on social media out of some sort friendship respect. that is what your friend is upset the most about. hopefully you can salvage your friendship.

hammocks_ said:

YTA Honestly it's weird to me to invite your MIL to your bachelorette party in the first place. Katie should have been more amenable to switching up the plan, but you KNEW what type of party she'd plan when you asked her to do it, you'd talked about for a while, AND the worst part is you let her find out you didn't give a sh!t about her efforts on Facebook. What a slap in the face.

Verdict: YTA.

The bride later shared this update on the situation:

I had a conversation with my husband and we’ve read most of the comments. He agrees that under no circumstances would we tell my sister in laws that they wouldn’t be the maid of honors anymore. They’ve been nothing but wonderful, supportive, and helpful. And we also took into the consideration that maybe Katie and I are just drifting apart and growing differently.

I did call Katie and tell her that I love her, appreciate her, and want nothing but the best for her always but that I am going to keep my sister in laws as my maid of honor and that I want her to be my bridesmaid more than anything but I understand if she doesn’t want to be.

Katie said she still wants to be a bridesmaid but she’s hurt and feels like I’ll replace her with them. We talked and I don’t know where our friendship will end up but it seems like right now we’re okay.