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I (22F) met, let us call her Leah (23F), about 10 years ago at school. We were friends ever since, spend a lot of time together mostly in our friends group. Last year she got engaged to her now fiancé Steve (25M) and started planning for their wedding right after. So she asked me to help her with her decorations.
We talked about different options and I spent hours and hours to make her all wishes to come true. All of the things are handmade. Some days ago our friend group and some of her other friends that helped with her wedding came together to talk about the upcoming wedding.
As we started discussing our outfits Leah started laughing saying I don’t need to worry about my dress since I am not invited. I thought it was a joke but later she came to my house and died me how I thought I was invited since I didn’t get an invitation.
I explained that because she said she is on a budget and I helped her crafting the invitations and the decorations for the whole wedding I considered being invited as all of our friends to (that are in fact invited). She never told me I wasn’t before and that day was not the first time I talked about my dress because she is very specific on the dress code she wants.
Now that everything was prepared and ready she tells me I’m not going to be there at her wedding because quote: she feels we are not as close as we used to be and she doesn’t feel like spending money on me because of cause she has to pay per guest. When I told my friend Sarah about everything we planned on getting the decorations that I made back.
So today we went to the location took everything back and told Leah nothing about it, the wedding is tomorrow. Now I kinda feel bad for doing this but I am really hurt and upset by her behaviour. She doesn’t want to pay for me to be in her wedding but was okay with me spending 100+ hours for her. So part of me feels guilty but on the other side I don’t want to be treated like that. So AITA?
I helped placing everything just hours before so the staff from that place let me in and didn’t even question why I am there. I hope they don’t get in trouble
To answer some questions:
• I’ll be definitely not attending the wedding • I actually got all the bills from what I bought for the decorations because I wanted to keep track on how much I spent • I am now at my friends place because I do think there is a possibility that Leah will show up at my as soon as she will find out • I don’t know yet how I will move on regarding the decorations
None of my friends knew I was not invited and are upset too. Three of them tried to talk to Leah and now she is angry with me for causing trouble the night before the wedding.
Also 2 of them who are also bridesmaids plan on not showing up. I don’t know what to think about it…
Leah still has no clue the decorations are gone
So far Leah is blowing up my phone because one of my friends told Steve, her fiancé, about what she did and he is upset too and told her to find a solution to get a seat for me. Well, Steve seems to be a nice guy and I feel really sorry for him… I don’t know him that well but he was always kind to everyone. It’s not just her wedding but also his. Still Sarah and I are the only ones to know that the decorations are gone
NTA. Normally I'm not a huge fan of being petty, but she used you for free labor and dumped you on purpose. Figure out what you'd charge for that labor and tell her she's only getting it back if she pays for it. Since you aren't "that close" this is a business transaction.
I look forward to you telling her “we’re not as close as we used to be, and I don’t feel like spending that much money on you.”
NTa. They are YOUR decorations, not hers. No invitation, no gift. She was ah AH - she tried to exploit you, she waited until the decorations were finised and already there to tell you that you were not invited. But Turn off your phone, and don't be at home in the hours before her wedding. Much less drama that way.
Basic etiquette: no invitation, no wedding gift. Sell it and try recoup your costs, it's probably the only thing salvageable from Leah's so-called friendship. NTA ps. Sarah is a rockstar friend
Petty Crocker here, reporting for duty!! You are absolutely NOT the asshole here. But because I am Petty Crocker, please set up a hidden camera or something. I want to see her face.
Yesterday Steve called me to ask in detail what happened and we talked for a short while. Also I told him the story about the accessories. He was shocked to say the least an the last thing he said was that he needs to think about everything.
Today Leah checked on the location to find it empty and blows up my phone to call me names. She’s insane demanding me to refund HER for the stress an drama I caused… her whole family is after me.
As far as I know now the wedding is cancelled as Steve was not showing up checking on the location even it was promised. But well the cancellation is not official yet, as there is still some time to the wedding. But Sarah and I are trying to find out atm.
The wedding was cancelled.
What do you think about how this wend down? Did OP handle this well? Will Leah ever find love? Will OP marry Steve? Most importantly, what will happen to these decorations???