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Woman asks AITA for uninviting my family to my wedding for feminizing my fiancé?

Woman asks AITA for uninviting my family to my wedding for feminizing my fiancé?


'AITA (Am I the A-hole) for uninviting my family to my wedding after they feminized my fiancé?'

Salty-groom writes:

I(24M) am getting married to my fiancé J(23M). My mother’s family is very traditional and religious and always believed I would be marrying a girl and are having a hard time adjusting.

J is a model. He often times where he’ll model clothes on the more feminine-side and no one has a problem with it. My family have seen some of the photos and have often joked that J is 'pretty enough to be a girl' which he would just laugh off as some joke.

My grandfather has offered to pay for the suits. The deal was he would get an opinion when it came to what our wedding suits would be since they were paying. J and I went on different days.

Fast forward, I’m going to go pick up the suits from my aunt’s place. Right away I can tell something’s wrong. My suit is fine but J’s is white. J was adamant saying he wanted a black suit so I asked my aunt why it was white but she said J chose it.

I didn't believe her. Something was definitely off.

J isn’t a large guy or anything but this suit just looked far too small. I ask J about the suit when I get home and he just brushes it off. When I said it looked too small he looked a bit panicked and said he’ll take care of it.

I couldn’t help but feel maybe J was pressured into choosing white. He’s a bit of a people pleaser so it wouldn’t surprise me. I ended up looking up the suit online to see if I could order one in black and that if he liked it we could refund my grandfather.

As it turns out, they ordered a woman’s suit for him. I honestly thought it was a mistake at first and that maybe my grandfather somehow chose wrong so I asked J about it when he got home and he broke down.

Apparently my grandfather told J that every wedding needs someone in the bride role and since he’s marrying into our family it should be him. My aunt had been pressuring J into losing weight to fit into the suit they bought for him and had convinced him their family would only accept him if he wore a white bridal one.

And that’s not even all, my grandaunt has been buying J a lot of hair accessories that are extremely feminine and has even suggested he get a new engagement ring.

I’ve never been so pissed. J said he didn’t tell me about any of this because he just wanted to keep the peace and that just made me more upset. I ended up uninviting them to our wedding.

My mom called and demanded to know what happened and she was deeply shocked and ashamed when I told her what her everything and she says it’s not acceptable but that they’re having a hard time adjusting to this new kind of wedding.

My cousins say if a suit was such a big deal then J should just wear a dress since he's used to wearing girl clothes. I uninvited them, too.

J’s family are all on my side. My mom says that I was overreacting by uninviting everyone that disagrees with me and that I should let them come if they apologize to J. I’ll admit I was harsh but I also don’t think I’m in the wrong. AITA?

Moments later, the OP provided an update:


Update: To start off, thank you guys so much for your support, J and I both appreciate it very much and I’m glad you all are just as upset as I am.

J and I ended up deciding that if my family apologized to him, they would be able to come to the ceremony, but not the reception. J was the one who suggested it and my mom was on board with the idea as well.

We returned both suits and J’s grandparents offered to pay for any we choose by ourselves, regardless of what they look like. They would even pay the shipping fees so they’d be here on time.

Bless them. All the offenders, except for my cousins, ended up apologizing to J, but only my aunt looked somewhat genuine about it, especially after we explained the deal.

I thought that would be it, but I was wrong. Yesterday we got a return on our deposit for our reception venue, the owners saying they ended up double booking and could no longer host us (their policy says they can refund up to the week of an event). As far as the website says the day is still free.

My mom has been getting texts non-stop from her brother and we have come to the conclusion that her uncle somehow convinced the owners of the venue to not host us, presumably because they were pissed about not being able to come to the reception.

So now J and I have no venue and are positively freaking out. We’ve been scrambling all day trying to find one last minute because we have everything booked and invitations sent out but no place for anyone to go. So yeah, as if the situation wasn’t already bad enough. I may end up posting another update if we’re able to sort this out.

The OP then provided one final update two weeks later:


Final Update:

It has been an absolute ride over here. My BIL ended up calling to request the venue in his name, as everyone suggested, but it was in fact already rebooked. My mom got a call saying her uncle sent in a higher deposit in his name claiming he was covering the cost for us to compensate for a higher headcount.

He was essentially dangling the venue over our heads in order for us to go back on our word for not having that side of the family at the reception. I’m not sure how any of that works and it seems incredibly unprofessional on the venue’s part.

J was willing to give in and just allow everyone to come at this point, mainly because we needed a venue and it was impossible to find a new one with such a short time frame. I was not, and given everyone’s collective outrange on the original post, I had enough of them.

They had abused J behind my back and insulted our relationship, they didn't deserve to celebrate our marriage. One of the groomsladies came to the rescue and offered up her small property about 30min from the original site. Bless her.

We transformed this place into something that somewhat resembles a wedding venue two days leading up to it. It looked really good at the end, it had somewhat of a rustic woodsy vibe, which Jace and I actually really liked. In fact, we liked it so much that we decided to have the ceremony there as well.

One of J’s cousins was officiating and the original location had a refundable deposit as well, so it would all work out. The wedding was perfect and the greatest day of my life. Despite the pitfalls, J and I had a truly fantastic day.

I did not tell my mom’s family about the change of plans. I told them that they could come to the reception, at the venue they paid for, and that I was so sorry for being disrespectful to them. They were not pleased when they realized we had switched venues for both events, and thankfully, were unable to get the new address.

My uncle demanded we refund him for the deposit, which we obiously didn't. J and I blocked all of their numbers after sending them the early drafts of the wedding photos, which were edited so it looked as if I were wearing a dress just to piss them off.

We’ve decided to go NC with all of them, something that we probably should’ve done a long time ago. My siblings have as well and my mom is LC.

I still don't know why they chose to act the way they did, though some of their more creepy behavior have come to light. Neither of us are willing to go into depth on everything my family has done, but needless to say, I am fine with never speaking to them ever again.

J said in a few years, he’s open to maybe seeing them at any potential family events. He's far too kind. We have decided though, that when kids come into the picture, they will not have any contact with these people.

And before anyone asks, everyone at the wedding left the original venue a harsh review. Was it petty? Yes, but none of us care. Both J and I would like to thank everyone for their support and well wishes as we go on to start our lives together.

Here were the top comments from readers:


It’s amazing how much could be avoided if people didn’t act like caricatures of a soap opera. So much cruelty. So much money wasted by that uncle. Just because they couldn’t be decent human beings. But that takes emotional intelligence, and sounds like OOP’s family prefers money to learning it.


Why the hell did the venue allow that to happen? I mean I'm glad they found somewhere else but that should not have been possible.


I freaking love that they “apologized” to the bigots and invited them all back to the wedding. And reception and then just moved the whole thing without telling them 😂


See, I think the real reason bigots hate queer people in particular is something like, 'If you're willing to go against what everyone around you wants, how am I supposed to control you?' If you're already brave enough to come out to potentially homophobic friends and family, they probably can't scare you badly enough to keep you trapped in their controlling enmeshed unhealthy relationship.

The thing they're really scared of is self-acceptance, because it makes their shame-based system of control stop working.


I'm glad they gave the og venue bad reviews, that's some bonkers out of line behavior. It goes beyond unprofessional, if they're willing to pull the rug out from under one couple because an unaffiliated party offers them more money they're willing to do it to anyone.

So, do you think the OP being petty or do you think that their feelings are actually warranted?

Sources: Reddit,Reddit
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