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'AITA for wanting to kick my fiancée's sister out of our wedding for coming on to me?' UPDATED

'AITA for wanting to kick my fiancée's sister out of our wedding for coming on to me?' UPDATED


"AITA for wanting my fiancée’s sister out of the wedding?"

Here's the original post:

My fiancée (24F) and I (24M) just recently got engaged, so we have started to pick out our wedding party. Yesterday, my fiancée said she wanted her sister (22F) to be her maid of honor.

Her sister lived with us for a while when she was going to college, which is near our apartment. Due to certain issues with her school’s housing, we agreed to let her stay with us, as it would only be for a semester. I had only met her a few times before this, but she seemed nice. However, once she moved in with us, that’s where things started.

She would say things like “you would look good in that” or “I wish I could find someone like you”. During the few months it divulged into her “accidentally” walking in on me in the shower, spilling things on me so that I have to change clothes, saying that she should be in my fiancée’s shoes, and constantly making comments about my body.

I told my fiancée about these things multiple times because it made me uncomfortable, but she kept dismissing me. I also brought theses concerns to her sister, but she kept playing it off as a joke. Nothing changed, but luckily, she moved out once she could go back to the dorms.

When my fiancée mentioned that she wanted her sister as MOH, I said that I’m not comfortable with that. I told her everything I’ve brought up before, and said that her sister might try to ruin the wedding because of this huge crush (if that’s even the right word) that she has on me.

I also said that maybe I’d be okay with her she being involved in the wedding in some other way, but I don’t feel comfortable with her being that involved and so close to both of us. I said that it’s her choice, but that is how I feel about it.

So my fiancée said, “I’ve told you before, this is normally how she is. I want to keep her as my MOH.” Then I said, “What if you were uncomfortable around my brother (best man)? Wouldn’t you want him to be out of the wedding party?” She said, “Well, yeah. But that’s your brother we’re talking about, so it actually makes sense.”

For context, my brother is married with kids, and he is a truly nice guy. My fiancée has met him plenty of times, and not once has he done anything that would make her uncomfortable, nor has my fiancée brought up concerns about him.

So I said, “What the hell is that supposed to mean?” And she said, “I mean, I just don’t like him very much, it’s nothing against him.”

So I told her that there is a double standard here. My brother could get kicked out of the wedding party for just my fiancée not liking him, while her sister can’t get kicked out of it for her practically sexually harassing me.

I said that she should understand that I want our wedding to go well, so that means I want us to enjoy ourselves without questioning if something will go wrong. She said, “I get that, but having my sister as my MOH would make me happy.”

I said that if she won’t take my happiness into account, then I’m leaving. So as I was leaving, she told me that I was an ahole. AITA?

What do you think? Is he being unreasonable?

This is what top commenters had to say:

RowhyunhRed said:

NTA but are you sure that you want to marry into this situation? She dislikes your brother for no reason, she enables her sister sexually harassing you and invalidates your feelings, and she puts her own desires ahead of your feelings and comfort.

On top of that, you're going to have to deal with her sister more than just at the wedding.

WickedAngelLove said:

NTA and don't marry her. This is very wild that you told your fiance that you weren't comfortable based on the things she said and did and she didn't listen. She doesn't care about your feelings and most likely never will. And her not liking your bother is just ugly also. Find someone else.

wameniser said:

NTA Am I the only one picking up huge red flags here? I sound dramatic but I'd reconsider the marriage tbh

HerRoyalHerness said:

Personally, I prefer to handle differences privately...but in such a case as this, where the other party knowingly & intentionally added insult to injury by proceeding to completely misrepresent the truth at MY table in MY home in MY presence & of MY guests, after damn nearly sabotaging a holiday dinner...!?!...

Well I might not have been able to keep a lid on it until after the guests left. Depending on the guests in attendance, I think a table flip might even have been appropriate.

Verdict: Absolutely NTA

A month after his original post, the groom posted this update:

It’s been a little over a month since I last posted here, and many people have been asking me for some updates.

After seeing all of the responses, I realized that I was not the AH, which I was unsure of from the beginning. The day after I posted, I called my fiancée to see if we could meet up to talk, and she agreed.

During our meetup, I decided to tell her about the post, which she was somewhat shocked about. I mentioned that the comments were eye opening for me, and I realized that she has never taken my feelings into account, not just with the wedding. I said that she has practically put her sister before me on many occasions, even with my concerns.

She said that she understood, but she feels that her feelings mattered more here. She said that this is her family I am judging, and since she is the woman in the relationship, her emotions should be catered to. I asked her why this can’t be the reverse for me when discussing my family, but she couldn’t give me an explanation for that.

I said that that this incident was the tipping point for me, and since she wouldn’t apologize for what happened, then things will not work out for us. I asked for my ring back, which she did with no emotions and nothing else to say, and I walked out.

I have to admit, the holidays were a little rough for me, but I had a lot of family and friends that were there for me. Over time, I grew to learn that this was just a bump in the road, and that I should move on. I plan to start dating again, so wish me luck!

Good luck, OP! May your next girlfriend be an only child!

Sources: Reddit
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