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'AITA for not wanting my husband and I to attend his brother’s wedding close to my due date?' UPDATED

'AITA for not wanting my husband and I to attend his brother’s wedding close to my due date?' UPDATED


"AITA for not wanting my husband and I to attend his brother’s wedding?"

Here's the original post:

I’m newly pregnant with our first child. My husband’s brother just recently proposed to his girlfriend (of four months) and they plan on getting married when I’m 38 weeks pregnant. They live about 7 hours away from us.

I don’t really like his fiancé due to some very off the wall and inappropriate comments she made during my mother-in-law’s funeral but everyone else seems to like her so I’m doing my best to get along with her.

When she asked me to be a part of her bridal party, I though cool this is a chance for me to get to really know her and maybe be friends outside the first time I met her which was at the funeral.

She hadn’t set the date yet, but I told her I was pregnant and when I was due and that while I don’t want her to schedule their wedding around me, my husband and I also wouldn’t be able to attend if it was closer to my due date.

They set the date and she asked about dresses for me when I told her that while we are very happy for her, we won’t be able to come. She asked why and I repeated what I told her before she set the date and that I couldn’t travel far that late in pregnancy.

She had a meltdown. She insisted that I could still come since it was only a 7 hour drive (barring traffic) and that if I couldn’t come my husband needed to still come because it was his brother.

I said this is our first child, and if I go into labor I will not be doing it by myself nor will my husband miss the birth of our child to attend anyone’s wedding. She called me selfish for missing her wedding and that if at least my husband didn’t go we wouldn’t speak to them again.

My husband is now anxious because he wants to be there for his brother but knows if he leaves me and I go into labor he could theoretically miss the birth of his first child. The added bit about making sure him and his brother don’t have a relationship when they’ve always been close also adds fuel to the fire.

She texted everyone in the family group chat that I was abusive and controlling for not letting my husband attend their wedding without context saying I did not like her. I hadn’t planned on telling ALL of our extended family we were pregnant yet since I’m still in my first trimester.

My husband texted back saying I am not forcing him to do anything but we agreed not to tell everyone we were pregnant yet so our phones have been going off for hours with texts about setting our pettiness aside to be happy for the couple. Even those who know I’m pregnant and would be close to my due date say I should at least let my husband go.

My mom labored for only 3 hours with me and an hour with my sister and she had us both at the 39 week mark. Her mother also had a short labor so I feel very uncomfortable with the idea of leaving our city to travel so far away during the last weeks of my first pregnancy.

TL;DR AITA for not wanting my husband and I to attend his brother’s wedding when it’s so close to my due date and the wedding is 7 hours away from home?

Do you think she's being unreasonable?! This is what top commenters had to say:

linerva said:

NTA. Babies can come at any time during the last few weeks of pregnancy. Your husband's place is with you during that time. 7 hours away is far too far for him to be travelling when you could give birth any day.

And honestly? Whilst he was there he would not enjoy the wedding, nor could he drink. because he would be shitting his pants in case you went into labour. It would be a lot less fun than they think.

squirreltrap said:

Absolutely NTA- you are supposed to be within 1 hour of your hospital once you reach the end of pregnancy (or even some high risk cases even earlier than that). There are way too many variables and 38 weeks is not the time to be going 7 hours away.

There’s even a chance you’ll already have delivered your baby, and there’s zero sense to bring a 1-2 week old 7 hours away for a wedding. Having a baby absolutely trumps attending a wedding.

Why is she expecting you to prioritize her wedding over your family? You already established your boundary and said no. She needs to respect your wishes. Your husband should not plan to attend without you. Again, starting your family trumps a wedding every single time. He shouldn’t be choosing to be away from that.

biobiatch said:

NTA. Firstly, huge congratulations and I wish you a happy and healthy pregnancy and birth! Your husband wants to be with you for the birth of your child, you told her your due date and told her prior to the fact that you would not attend if it was near. She can re-arrange a wedding, unfortunately baby will come when baby wants to come, you can’t schedule these things!

Sounds like this is a divorce waiting to happen for BIL tbh. Too quick a relationship and fiancé sounds like a nightmare. Stick to your guns. You’ve made the right decision!

ThunderKat99 said:

NTA...The family should understand that you sitting in a car for 7+ hours each way to attend then sit at a wedding at 38 weeks is not good for you or the baby. Your husband needs to talk to his brother, without the fiancée, and explain how possibly missing out on the birth of his first child is not an option and not to take it personally.

If they are as close as you say they are, then he should understand. She is an AH for announcing your pregnancy to the family at all, but especially like that...Congrats on your bundle of joy!!

Verdict: NTA!

OP later posted this uplifting update:

My husband responded to the family members who reached out to us individually and told them the situation including the fact SIL was informed of our due date and that we wouldn’t be able to attend if they chose a wedding date close to it. His brother finally called him back, and he spoke with him directly and from what he understands he was at work so future SIL was not around.

My husband explained how it was 100% his decision to stay with me and had a heart to heart talk of which a lot was discussed. His brother was surprised about the ultimatum, apologized for his fiancés behavior explaining they apparently recently had a miscarriage (news to us) and she likely was taking out her feelings including jealousy on me.

He also told my husband that he was going to talk to SIL and have the date changed since they didn’t sign a contract with any vendors yet. He said he really wants us there since we are close so he’ll either move the wedding forward or push it back.

So I guess we might be going to the wedding after all? Though I told my husband at this point he can be a groomsman but I definitely will not be part of the bridal party because I didn’t want her to take out her feelings on me throughout my pregnancy while she’s wedding planning.

Today was super stressful and I won’t be responding to any more comments, but I wanted to thank all of you for your support and suggestions. I started having doubts about whether or not I was the a-hole here when family kept pestering us to concede but I’m glad to find out our decision was perfectly normal and expected!

Good job, the internet!

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