'AITA for not wearing my MIL's wedding dress or compromising on a dress she likes?' UPDATED
"AITA for not wearing my MILs wedding dress and not compromising on a dress she likes?"
Here's the original post:
My MIL who is usually very sweet and nice asked me to try on her wedding dress as she wanted to gift it to me for the wedding. I did not want to hurt her and so I tried on the dress (even though I knew that I wanted to buy my own dress). It fit quite well and looked pretty but not what I was looking for at all.
So I thanked MIL for the opportunity and the gesture but that it was not what I envisioned myself wearing on my wedding day. But that she was welcome to join me and my mom the next day when we were looking for wedding dresses.
She joined us and I thought everything was fine. But during the shopping she tried to make me try on dresses similar to her wedding dress, but more my style. I tried two of her picks but stated that it was still not what I was looking for, even though I liked it a little better on me then her dress. And I thanked her for helping me.
She got quiet and only shrugged her shoulders over the other dresses I tried on. I finally found my dream dress, bought it (I am paying about 2000€ and my parents payed about 300€ for shoes and a veil. My In-laws don’t pay anything towards the dress or the wedding) and then we went to eat lunch together.
MIL was still unusually quite so i asked what was wrong and if I could help her. She shrugged her shoulders and said “it’s fine” and I thought she needed a little time for her. So I started a conversation with my mom and started eating after we all got our food. We did not exclude her and tried to make her a part of our conversation. But she just shrugged and moped.
A few minutes into lunch she said “You are a ungrateful spoiled brat.” And I was utterly confused and asked why. That’s what she said:
“I would have gifted you my dress but it wasn’t good enough for little miss-I-want-a-new-dress. That’s ungrateful. And i tried to find a compromise with a dress that matched our both tastes in a dress and you still denied all that. Your so ungrateful and impolite. Not even able to make a compromise.”
Then she stood up, paid for her meal and left without me being able to say anything. I asked my fiancé later that day about it and he told me to not very as I did nothing wrong. But SIL texted me that I was an ungrateful @$$hole for hurting her mother this much and not compromising on anything. AITA?
Do you think she should stand her ground? Or try and reach a compromise with her MIL?
Here's what top commenters had to say:
MacaroonHead5187 said:
NTA. Why the fuck would you compromise? You’re not her kid who might like the history behind it and really every bride wants to be special in their own wedding dress.
[deleted] said:
NTA, this is your future btw. She won’t get any better as time goes on.
Prestigious_Isopod72 said:
MIL is way out of line. You're NTA.
jettaboy04 said:
NTA - There is nothing to compromise on here. You tried on her dress as she requested and did not feel it was for you, she was not expected to pay for the dress you chose so cost wasn't a factor that would affect her. It's your wedding, your choice.
Three hours after her original post, the bride shared this update:
My fiancé already talked to her. I believe 3 or 4 days ago. But thanks for the suggestion
My MIL called me just a few minutes ago to apologise. To me it sounded sincere.
She told me that she was disappointed that day because she wanted to be a part of all that at my wedding day and she did not know how to ask since my parents already said they pay for my veil and shoes. And she knew that I don’t were jewellery expect my engagement ring and a necklace my fiancé gifted me 8 years ago, so she couldn’t give something like this.
And she did not want to gift me a garter, since she thought it inappropriate to gift her DIL something like that. And that she was hurt after trying to give input on my dress and was rejected. She apologised again and then asked to treat me and my mom to lunch tomorrow as an apology for her behave and that she wants to offer (if I am up for it) that she pays for my bridal bouquet.
So tomorrow we are going out for lunch and after that to a florist so I can show her the flowers I like and the idea I have for my bouquet.
I thank you all for your judgments.