'AITA for not designing my cousin's wedding dress even though I've designed everyone else's?' UPDATED

"AITA for not designing my cousins wedding dress even though I've designed everyone elses?"

Here's the original post:

So I (29f) have designed all the wedding dresses for my cousins, siblings, and aunts for the past decade. When my eldest sister (35f) got engaged at 24 she asked me to design her dress since I'm passionate about design and she always loved my style.

Her dress was a knock out, everyone loved it and ever since when ever one of our relatives announces their engagement they ask if I can design their dress for them. I've always said yes because I absolutely love doing it just so much fun.

On to the issue, my cousin (23f) is getting married next February and called me up to see when we could meet so she could share her ideas for her dress and I can start designing it. I do not like this cousin at all, her parents spoiled her beyond rotten. I decided to still meet with her though and see if anything has changed since she's now an adult.

She immediately shows me some photos of wedding dresses by Sara Burton and tells me she wants something exactly like the pictures, I try to suggest a change in neckline or color and she shuts it down and tell me she wants exactly that. I told her I would not be making her dress as I love designing clothes that embody their wearer and suit them, not rip off others designers so she can look fancy in a knock off.

Some of my family and especially her and her parents are beyond upset and have been blowing up my phone because I've "broken tradition and my baby cousins heart because she's been looking forward to having me make her wedding dress for years now"

I feel kind of bad but at the same time she's taking the fun and bonding out of designing a wedding dress. AITA?

Commenters agreed she's NTA. Here are some of the top comments:

DoIwantToKnow6417 said:

If your cousin wants a specific dress, she should just buy the specific dress. The 'tradition' was for you to design the dresses, and sharing these moments of creation with your family members. Of course her and her parents are upset. The sort of dress she wants cost a lot of money. Having you do it is much cheaper. I think it's time you broke with the tradition. NTA

bamf1701 said:

NTA. She’s not asking you to design a dress - she’s asking you to help her save a buck on a designer dress. Besides, you can say “no” for any reason you want. Your family is not entitled to your efforts.

KronkLaSworda said:

"I love designing clothes that embody their wearer and suit them, not rip off others designers so she can look fancy in a knock off." Exactly right. NTA These are gifts you are giving, not demands you are capitulating. Cousin and her parents can kick rocks.

Mopper300 said:

NTA. You can just say, "I'm a designer. I design custom, one-of-a-kind dresses based on the personality of the wearer. I do not create copies or knockoffs of other designers' hard work. She wanted me to create a cheap copy.

That's not what I do, and frankly, it was insulting of her to even ask me to make a copy. If she wants to get with me and we can come up with something unique and custom for her, I'd be happy to."

Two weeks after her original post, she shared this update:

So the good news is I managed to set most of my family straight on what happened and they apologized and a few aunts even sent me chocolate and wine as a proper apology for all the stress I was dealing with.

I did decideto meet with cousin again just to see if she had changed her mind, and if not I decidedto record the conversationto send to a few of the people who couldn't believe my cousin would lie to them. As expected she was still insisting that I copy the other dress design. I still refused and told her if she wasn't going to budge on this then I'm leaving.

As I started grabing my stuff, she said fine and asked if would let her have my dress. I was stunned. She started going off that it's her big day and she deserves to look like a princess and if she can't have the sara burton dress then the least I could do was let her use my dress since it was never used and just sits in my closet collecting dust.

I left and went home to relax and honestly cry after what just happened. As expected a few members of the family texted me again upset that I won't let her use my dress.

For back ground, I was engaged back in 2018 but called the wedding off in 2019 for personal reasons I will not discuss. I designed the dress myself and sewed it, but my grandmother added all the little details on it, I'm talking indian style wire threading, rhinestone everything.

I couldn't bring myself to get rid of the dress, but I also knew I'd never feel comfortable wearing it again after the engagement ended. My grandma sadly passed away shortly after due to covid. I did end up gifting the dress to my friend for Christmas. We supported each other during our dark times and she finally remarried earlier this year so she wore the dress to her reception.

Back to the actual story. My cousin apparently told our family that I was being unfair and that since I didn't feel like designing a dress for her, she asked if she could use mine just for the ceremony so it would feel like she had grandma there with her, and I told her no. I sent the recording I had to everyone who texted me and they were shocked.

Most apologized but a few who I've decided to block still thought I should let her have it since I would never wear the dress. When they found out that I gifted it to someone else they were even more upset since according to them I clearly wasn't attached to it since I gave it away, and it would've meant more to cousin than to my friend who didn't even know grandma.

Like most people suggested I did go no contact with cousin after this.

Tl;dr cousin decided if I wouldn't steal a design I should give her my dress

Here's to boundaries! Good luck to OP on continuing to not take sh!t from her spoiled cousin and her family.

Do you agree with how she handled this situation?