When a groom-to-be fell into a tricky familial conundrum, he reached out to Reddit to ask:
My fiancé and I planned to have a large wedding in July at a venue in the country. I guess that was too out of the way for most people because only 14 people rsvp-ed that they were coming. We had already set aside money for our wedding and since there was no longer going to be a lot of people coming we decided to splurge.
So, we asked everyone who rsvp'd that they were coming if they could take a few extra days off for a longer trip to Hawaii all expenses paid by us. Everyone said yes, so we started booking tickets and suites at this nice resort. We also planned some fun things to do while we're there. Everyone is very excited for the trip.
Now my sister, who rsvp'd that she and her family weren't coming, is upset that I didn't reinvite her when we changed plans. She thinks that since it's basically a different trip they should have been told.
Originally she said she couldn't come to our wedding because that time of the year is very difficult for her and her husband because the summer is the busiest time for their business. They have a landscaping business. Also she said traveling that far with all her kids would be difficult because of the long car ride.
It would have been around a 3 hour drive from where she lives. So it doesn't make any sense to me for her to say she can go on a longer trip even farther away. The plane trip is almost 9 hours long.
Also she says it's unfair because our brother and his family gets to go while hers doesn't. That's making her kids feel left out because their cousins are going and my sister says it's like playing favorites.
My sister and her family would be five more people so even if we wanted to reinvite them they would cause us to go way over budget. The only other option would be to drastically downgrade the trip we already promised everyone.
It just seems totally unfair to everyone else, but my sister also thinks I'm being unfair and says we pulled a 'reverse bait and switch'.
Reddit was all over this with a ruling of NTA (not the a-hole).
NTA. She doesn’t want to celebrate your wedding, she wants Hawaii. She can pay for that herself.
This 100%. OP, she wants a free trip. Too bad. Just tell her, 'I'm sorry you feel that way, but is your busy season suddenly less busy? Can your kids suddenly handle a longer trip? You told me those were your reasons for not coming, and those reasons haven't changed, so let's move on.'
If she keeps pushing, let her know that your budget is maxed out, but you'd never stop her from coming! They'll just have to pay for themselves! Now the whole family can have fun together! Watch how fast she backtracks.
Your own sister couldn't make a three hour trip to celebrate your wedding for lack of time and the traveling was considered too long for the kids. And apparently the kids wouldn't have felt left out had they not attended the original wedding.
Should OP give his sister a break for the sake of her family, or let her buy her own vacation?