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Bride won't let 'selfish' sister alter her bridesmaid dress for a medical condition.

Bride won't let 'selfish' sister alter her bridesmaid dress for a medical condition.


After a fight with the bride, a sister and (former) bridesmaid came to Reddit to ask:

'AITA for pulling out of my sister's wedding over a dress?'

LowMemory2124 writes:

My (24f) sister, Hannah (21f), is getting married in May. She's been planning her dream wedding since before she was engaged and has a very specific image of what she wants.

We picked out the bridesmaid dresses in January and they're all the same style but with different shades of the same colour.

In late March, I was diagnosed with a condition that I'm going to be receiving treatments for via port until mid June. Due to the port's placement, the neckline of the bridesmaid dress I'm supposed to wear is extremely uncomfortable.

And for those who don't know what that is, OP clarifies:

A port is a medical device used for people who require regular medical treatments. It's surgically inserted under the skin and attached to a blood source. The purpose is so IVs can be stuck in to make receiving treatments and drawing blood tests easier.

Now back to the story:

When we went in for our final fittings, I requested that the neckline be made a little bit looser to accommodate this. Hannah was pissed off by this request because, in her words, it makes the dress look trashy because all of the other dresses are very fitted and mine would then be a bit baggier on top.

Which would be the end of the world, naturally.

I told her that if she wants me to wear the dress then it will need to be altered to be more comfortable. I was then informed that my dress looking out of place will be something she remembers when thinking of her wedding.

She said that I was being selfish for not sticking through mild discomfort for one day to help make her dream wedding a reality. It hurt to hear that and, after considering my options, I pulled out of the wedding.

I let her know and said that I'll still come to the wedding and wear an approved dress, but, that I'm not willing to place perfect pictures over my own comfort. So I will be attending the wedding as a guest and not part of the wedding party.

This has caused a rift in our relationship and an argument among the wedding party. The MOH sent me a message chewing me out for pulling out a month before the wedding and I'm honestly not sure how to feel about the whole situation.

On one hand, I feel guilty for not supporting my sister but on the other I am hurt by her placing her wedding over me. AITA (Am I the a-hole)?

Here's what Reddit had to say...

psipolnista rules:

NTA (Not the a-hole). Don’t disturb your port just so your sister can have perfect pictures. No one but her will care that your neckline is a tad bit different. Everyone who’s gotten married… how many times since have you gone back and looked at your wedding photos? Now how many times have you looked at your bridesmaid dresses and critiqued them? Literally never.

doomed-danny comments:

NTA. You're not altering the dress to spite her, or for looks. You have a medical condition that was unexpected, and this is one little thing you need accommodation for. Honestly, she's the AH for putting looks first and your medical condition second. Her MOH is also an AH for taking upon herself to chew you out.

Out of curiosity, have you shared this with your mom? I'm wondering what's her take in all this.

OP answers:

Our parents are paying for over half of the wedding and they aren't super happy but staying out of the drama. My mom says I made the right choice by pulling back as a bridesmaid, which means a lot given that she's also had her fair share of medical treatments. I haven't heard as much from our dad but last I knew he was contemplating pulling back on the amount he's willing to pay.

They reply back:

I'm glad your parents are supportive! There are so many stories on here of parents who cave to any tantrum thrown by the bride-to-be / entitled child. It's good to see this isn't your case. Please take care of yourself!

Then OP shares even more:

I get what you're saying. Hannah's future in laws are that 'it's the BRIDE'S day!! It has to be PERFECT!!' type, which is probably part of why this is happening. I'm fully expecting her MIL to hysterically threaten me within the next day or so.

NaijaAunty says:

NTA. Your sister on the other hand needs to sit down and reevaluate why a neckline change (which by the way, is for a valid reason) upsets her so much. If the only thing she’ll remember from her wedding is your mini alteration, maybe she needs to stay single.

Looks like OP is not the a-hole!

Let's hope the wedding goes smoothly, anyway.

Sources: Reddit
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