After making some devastating cuts to the guest list, deciding which friend is your best friend who also happens to be comfortable with public speaking and being in charge of a team of unpaid planning employees is tough.
Still, accepting rejection gracefully and showing up to the wedding with a smile and a blender is normal wedding etiquette. So, when a frustrated bride decided to vent to the hilarious judgmental 'Wedding Shaming' group of Reddit about a friend who wasn't even in the running for MOH, people were ready for the gossip.
Right after I got engaged one friend (we’ll call her Linda) congratulated us on FB and commented that she couldn’t wait to be my MOH. I have no idea why she assumed she would be MOH. We had previously been very close, but I had moved several years earlier and we naturally drifted.
We were the kind of friends who just talked on the phone every few months to catch up. Anyway, after Linda made that comment, I knew I needed to clear things up with her.
I called her and let her know that I had chosen my best friend to be my MOH and I was sorry if there was any confusion. She claimed that she understood and was still excited for the wedding.
As the date got closer, she would ask questions about plans and seemed genuinely interested/ excited, so I assumed everything was fine. I had a destination wedding and most people were flying in for a long weekend. My MOH came early to help with some stuff, along with my mom and SIL.
When Linda arrived she was angry to find out that we had been “having fun” without her. She complained that she was being left out and mistreated. Linda has always been a bit self-centered and dramatic so I just ignored her.
Later that day was the rehearsal dinner, which we invited every guest to since it was a destination. Linda spent the entire time asking all the guests when they arrived and how much time they had gotten with me and mentioning that she had been excluded from “friend time.'
Everyone was kinda confused as most guests had never met her before. Several guests asked me about it, and even more of them asked my mom what was up. I didn’t have time to deal with her, so I just ignored it.
That night my MOH was staying over in my suite, so I invited Linda and 3 other friends over for drinks and girl time. I hoped that this would appease Linda because she would feel included. Instead she spent the time complaining that she should have been MOH, should have been invited to come early, and that MOH was not even a long-term friend like Linda.
I pulled her aside and let her know that she was being rude. I said that she was important to me, but that I had chosen MOH because we were very close and she was also good friends with my (now) husband. She left right after we talked.
On the wedding day I didn’t see Linda until the ceremony. At the ceremony she sat in the back alone. Not a peep, which was good. The reception started, dinner was calm. And then dancing...Linda started crying (loudly) during our first dance. Another friend of mine went over to comfort her.
After formal dances, I went over to talk with her and she continued to loudly sob. She said that she had no role in my wedding and I left her out of everything and she couldn’t believe that I would plan a dance with my husband, dad, and wedding party but not with her.
Wasn’t she just as important as my husband?! (Answer: No!) Finally I was just fed up with the attention-seeking behavior so I told her to stop whining and leave me and my guests alone. Luckily she left soon after. She didn’t show up for the farewell breakfast the next morning.
It’s been a couple years now and I haven’t spoken to Linda since that night. The good news is that despite her behavior my wedding was amazing and I am married to my favorite person in the world. And, my MOH is still my closest friend.
You actually were very rude. The Bride/Linda dance is a time-honored tradition at weddings, it trumps even the First Dance. The only thing you can do at this point is to do the wedding over with Linda in every role at once so her attention quota can be satisfied.
I'm sorry this happened to you. I have a younger sister like this, who will passive aggressively take it out on family members if she feels like if she's being 'left out', including public fits of tears.
I opted not to make her a bridesmaid in my upcoming wedding next spring (actually I'm having no bridesmaids at all), but I'm afraid she'll pull the same BS like your 'friend' did.
The whole crying and saying she's as important as your new husband, was she in love with you? Cause those are the actions of a unrequited lover...
I’m so sorry that this happened to you, it’s absolutely ridiculous! I will never understand why people feel entitled to be a part of someone’s wedding, or why they get so offended over not being a MOH/bridesmaid when they hardly talk to the bride at all. It’s crazy how some can even mayor YOUR wedding about them, and I’m glad you had a great day regardless.