'Awful' in-laws don't respect the rules of alcohol-free wedding, bring R-rated gift.
Tense moments with in-laws are sometimes just part of being in a family, but what happens when they cause a scene on the one day they're supposed to simply smile for the photos?
Save the passive aggression and sloppy behavior for the group chat and Christmas party cocktails, people. So, when a frustrated bride decided to vent to the gloriously petty 'Wedding Shaming' group about her unruly in-laws at her booze-free wedding, people were ready to join the roasting session.
Awful in-laws, who don't know how to behave at a wedding...
My wedding was a month ago, but some things are still bothering me. I had my fears over my in-laws, but everyone said, that it’s a wedding, they will behave. No, they didn’t...
For a context, I didn’t want a wedding as I was worried about my in-laws. Most events with my IL-s end up with fights and arguing. But let’s start with how they kind of ruined my wedding.
First, my father in-law, got married a year ago with a 5th woman (with 3 of 5 he was not married, but lived together; there were overlaps with some of them). Not from the same country as us (but from the country what is not seen as good in our country, think Russia vs. Ukraine) and they still live in different country.
Marriage was only to cross the border easier. Over the summer, my then-fiancé wanted to surprise everyone with his graduation (5 years after he was supposed to), so he invited his family to “My girlfriend's graduation and my birthday.' Everybody from his family thought it was a wedding. Even if we said it is not.
They were mad when they learned it was not. FIL asked, why his wife is not on invite, as we must invite couples to wedding together (again, we said, it is not a wedding, but he didn’t believe us).
When the wedding came, he registered with his wife and we only got to know, that she won’t be there, when the wedding happened. We had booked a hotel room and ordered food for her.
And it can’t be last minute decision as she had to come from an other country. So, my FIL was sitting alone, not talking, and just not being at the wedding, but constantly referring to his wife.
Now to my “favorite” in-laws: brother-in-law and his wife. To start, BIL-s wife never liked me and tried to get us to break up (think, telling to someone, when my BF was not around but I was, that my BF is never getting married, and never will have one women for longer than a year).
But she was excited for the wedding and just wanted a party. At the wedding, my BIL and his wife were sitting in their phones, filming, the WHOLE TIME, even when the official party was over, and everyone was chilling.
In all pictures, they are in their phones. And even with the first dance, when we invited everyone to join, they didn’t. But when we stopped, they went do dance and kiss alone on the floor. We had an alcohol-free wedding, as I can’t stand drunk people, none of us drinks and my grandfather is almost dying from alcoholism.
But my FIL and BIL had alcohol, were pouring it out to my grandfather and at the end, were drunk also themselves. And BIL-s gift was not better…
We had a list of gifts, what are welcome (as I hate trash). And he gifted a BDSM set. That was not on the list. That was way over my boundaries and made me uncomfortable. We sent the gift back, but it still bothers me, how they just didn’t accept any of our boundaries...
Of course, the jury of wedding shamers was eager to weigh in on this family drama. Here's what people had to say:
PennyoftheNerds said:
It was wholly inappropriate for him to give you a BDSM set that wasn’t requested at a wedding. He was all the way in the wrong. I’m sorry you went through this, but I hope you’re living a wonderful life with your new husband.
msfinch87 said:
You do not gift sex or sexuality related items to anyone unless they specifically ask for it or you know then incredibly well on a personal and intimate level and know their character enough to recognize they will appreciate it. This gift was completely unacceptable on a number of levels and frankly quite messed up.
I think it’s very good you returned it, because that is a demonstration of the inappropriateness and your boundaries. It’s better than just throwing it away because you had every right to make a point and it was important to do so.
imhere4blkpeople said:
You should have opened up the BDSM set and given him a good lashing right then and there.
howyadoinjerry said:
Agh, they sound unbearable! I can’t blame you for still being so bothered, you were very clear with your ILs and they seem to have repeatedly refused to show you the same courtesy. I hope your wedding was otherwise a pleasant experience, even though your ILs had no manners!
HereToAdult said:
Yes, there is such a difference between being upset that someone gave you the 'wrong brand' or 'wrong colour' such-and-such item, VS being upset that someone gave you something sexual (which is even more inappropriate from family members). Completely different. It is not entitled at all.