I don't know what to do. I've been sleepless for days because of this. I need to get this all off my chest or my heart might explode.
My wedding is on the 19th and my bachelorette party was last Saturday and was organized by my best friend Lucy. I partied with my bridesmaids, had some shots and they were so excited for me marrying the love of my life Erwin. We've been together for 3 years.
After the party, everyone was wasted and went home leaving Lucy and I in the Airbnb. I was not that drunk, at most tipsy so I helped her clean up because I'll be staying the night with her too.
While we're cleaning she's silent which is very not her. She was very active during the party so I thought she's just tired so I told her I can finish up and she can rest. So she went to the bedroom. While I was finishing the dishes she returned to the kitchen. She told me that she needs to tell me something.
So I stopped what I was doing. Then she said she's sorry. She did not expect that Erwin would propose to me because, "it was a bet gone wrong."
I was confused and asked her to elaborate. But what she basically told me is that when I first introduced them to each other, she and Erwin had a bet that if he could get me to marry him, she will exclusively date him.
Apparently they have been secretly dating since before I met Erwin. Their relationship was toxic so they have these constant breaks but on this particular break she allowed him to date anyone. That's when Erwin and I met.
When I asked her why she's only telling me this now, she said that she felt guilty. She didn't want to hurt me but she didn't want to take full accountability and acknowledged Erwin's part in this. She was trying to convince Erwin to come clean together but he refused and told her na the bet was long gone because he was genuinely in love with me already.
When I asked her if she still has feelings for Erwin, she answered yes and she realized how good of a man Erwin is now. When I asked if Erwin knows how she feels about him, she answered no. But if I allow her, she'll confess her feelings for him.
At that point I just left. I had no energy left even if I want to slap her at that moment. I feel so played and betrayed and humiliated. The two closest people in my life made me a pawn to their sick games. I don't know what to do, where to start, I'm so confused.
It's been three days and I haven't told anyone yet, not even Erwin who is in HK , not even my parents. Lucy hasn't tried to contact me and I think she didn't say anything yet to Erwin. The wedding is in two weeks. How do I face this?
Hi everyone. I didn't expect this post to blow up. When I wrote my original post, I was emotional. Maybe that's why I have omitted some important facts. Also, I am not a native English speaker. So maybe some stuff I wrote was lost in translation. I also commented on my original post about my history with Lucy if you're interested.
Hi. I've been reading comments and a lot of you have been helpful. Thank you for your kind words. When I wrote my original post, I was emotional. Maybe that's why I have omitted some important facts. Also, I am not a native English speaker. So maybe some stuff was lost in translation. Just want to add something here for context.
Lucy and I have been friends for 11 years since high school. We even attended the same uni but different courses. During college we had a bit of falling out due to our busy schedules but after graduation we reconnected.
But she isn't as open to me now as she was before. When I ask about her love life she'll say that she's not ready for dating, only do casual flings. She once introduced me to her then boyfriend. So yes, I admit I was kinda crappy friend and did not keep up with her flings.
I work corporate and Lucy works remotely so sometimes she stays for a month or so on an island or a beach so we rarely see each other. But we always get together when she's in my city. Lucy is not my MOH. My sister is my MOH but she's still in uni for exams so Lucy took over planning the bachelorette party.
When I said that I introduce Lucy and Erwin to each other, I meant I introduced Erwin as my boyfriend to Lucy. Sorry if that's confusing. As for Lucy and Erwin's relationship, I don't know the timeline yet.
A little history of how Erwin and I met: we met at a company event. My company was the host and his was one of our clients. We bonded over the after party and exchange numbers. Days after he added me on Facebook.
I actually saw that he and Lucy were mutual friends. So I asked him if they knew each other. He answered yes and they met during their internship days but they weren't close. I asked Lucy too and she confirmed it too, so I didn't make a big deal of it.
We began casually dating, no labels, just see where things go. I know that he's been seeing someone else at this time as I do too. But when we admitted to wanting to make things official with us, we broke up with our casual flings. And the rest is history.
I appreciate everyone who reached out. Thank you for the kind messages and it made me realize to think of my situation logically. So I did. And yes, Erwin and I already talked.
I picked him up from the airport yesterday and told him about Lucy's confessions. He went pale but he was calm. He told me to ask everything I want to know and he will answer truthfully. I'll try to summarize everything here.
Did he know that I was Lucy's best friend when we met? No. They didn't talk much about their personal lives when they were together. But he knows that Lucy' best friend's name is my name, but when we met he didn't really put the pieces together.
How long were they dating before we met? He did not keep count because they were on and off again but they were casually seeing each other for around four months before we met. And in his mind they were never official as they didn't label their relationship. He did try to pursue her but she kept messing up with his head so when she allowed him to date when they were on a break, he thought of it as a way out.
Did they really bet on me? Yes. But he did not take it seriously. He also did not initiate it.
When did the bet happen? It happened days after I introduced him as "friend" to Lucy. He admitted that since we were still not exclusively dating, he still sees Lucy. Lucy initiated the bet and if he does win, she will know that he is mature enough to seriously date.
When did their relationship end? A month or so before we made our relationship official, he already broke things off with Lucy because he was starting to fall for me. Lucy took it well and did not even bring up the bet.
Why all of a sudden Lucy brought up the bet? Lucy started bringing it up after we made our engagement official. He admitted to have forgotten about the bet until she reminded her of it. So when Lucy reached out to come clean, he refused because he didn't really think that it was serious.
Is he aware of Lucy's feelings? No. He genuinely thinks that Lucy is happy for us.
Right now I don't know where to go from here. I believe him but I just don't like the idea that the foundation of our relationship is from a bet. Whether it be serious or not, it's still not good. Can we rebuild trust from here? I don't know but I'm willing to try.
Aside from this issue, Erwin has been a great boyfriend and I don't want to make harsh decisions about us and regret in the end. What I do know now is that we need to call off the wedding.
He told me that he'll understand if I don't want to go on with our wedding anymore but he asked me to consider our relationship because he loves me and he'll do anything to regain my trust back.
I also learned that Lucy actually tried to contact Erwin days after the bachelorette party but Erwin missed her calls. She's still not reaching out to me but I don't care anymore. Many of you say that she's sabotaging our relationship, this is her last ditch effort to have Erwin by herself, and I think you're right. It just hurts that our 11 years of friendship have to end this way.
So there. I think this will also be my last update. Everything from here on will be Erwin and I's decisions. Thank you everyone for listening. And to everyone who thinks I made this story up, I wish I did. I guess real life is stranger than fiction? I'll be watching Cruel Intentions and Dangerous Liaisons this weekend.
She didn't want him until she saw how good he was to someone else. Now she wants that kind of connection and figured she can just have it transferred over to her without the work it takes to build a relationship.
She still doesn't see Edwin as a person, just as a piece she doesn't have, but should because she had him first. To her OPs and Edwin break up she will just step into OPs place in his heart, like putting on a new pair of shoes.
I’m sorry but what kind of bet is that?? I just don’t get the purpose of it…she was like “if you get to marry her I’ll date you!” It doesn’t make sense.
"Betting on the bride" : "A womanizer bets that he can get someone to accept his marriage proposal after just 30 days of dating. What he doesn't know is that the woman he targets has serious commitment issues." Is this what you had in mind?
“He knows that Lucy’s best friend’s name is my name, but when we met he didn’t really put the pieces together.”
And she’s just buying that? Really? That doesn’t get just a little bit more scrutiny???
Wowza, it would be so hard to trust him. I can’t believe it never came up that he had a history with Lucy.
I 29F was supposed to get married last month but my ex best friend 28F confessed two weeks before our wedding that the foundation of my relationship with my fiance was from a bet.
I was heartbroken and emotional at that time so I posted on a different Reddit community about my situation using a throwaway account (this account) basically to get it off my chest, without any ill-intent but to receive advice.
I didn't think my post would blow up on Reddit, but I never expected my post to reach other social media sites. A TikTok account that does Reddit readings featured my post and it reached my ex best friend. Apparently one of her friends forwarded it to her.
Although I used fake names in my post, some of her family and friends figured out it was her so she confronted me about it. She said she has apologized to me already and it's unfair of me to share that story even if it's anonymous.
She wants me to delete it because she is receiving harsh words from them but I refused because this is also my story, and this is a constant reminder of her being awful, and wasting 11 years of our friendship. So AITA for "doxxing" my ex best friend?
NTA - You were going through a lot and posted an anonymous account of your perspective to help process your thoughts and emotions. Doxxing is publishing someone's personal, confidential information on the internet— that is not what happened here.
Your former best friend seems to be playing the victim in attempt to save face instead of taking accountability for the harm she caused. Even if you deleted the original post, it would not make it go away at this point and she has to know that.
I'm 50-50 on this one. It sounds like a plot to Cruel Intentions (as mentioned earlier) but at the same time, there are also dramatic young adults in the Philippines. And 2 weeks to the wedding date, they managed to postpone it? Hmmmmmm...
Lol even if OP deletes it all, it ain’t going anywhere. It was already on BORU by the time the new update happened. Sorry Lucy, you’re gonna have to deal with the fact that Erwin was absolutely capable of being in a serious relationship this whole time, just not with you, for as long as the internet is around.
This is just basically Cruel Intentions.
"she and Erwin had a bet that if he can get me to marry him, she will exclusively date him"
Still can't understand the logic behind this tho.