Woman busted for celebrating her birthday on the same day as her friend's wedding. AITA?
"AITA for posting about my birthday and not my friend’s wedding?"
txglow
So my friend just got married. We’ve been friends for a few years now, we’re not best friends but we’re part of a larger friend group so we hang out a few times a month. She had a HUGE wedding and a huge bridal party. I wasn’t a bridesmaid (thank god) because she has a lot of high school and college friends, but I was invited to the bachelorette party.
I declined, because it was bar hopping in Nashville and I no longer drink. Plus her wedding was a destination already (Caribbean) and I couldn’t make both work financially.
Her wedding happened to fall on the same day as my 30th birthday. I wasn’t too bothered by this because I figured it’d be cool to be in a tropical place for my birthday anyway, plus a lot of my friends were invited so I’d get to celebrate with them anyway.
When the bride realized she had booked it on my birthday last year, I remember she got kind of quiet and then said something like, “I’m sorry I did that but I’d appreciate if you celebrated the day before or after instead of on my wedding day.” Again, didn’t really have a problem with that.
I don’t use social media very much, I was playing the comparison game too much but this last year I really worked on myself and I’m feeling more fit than ever before. I got a really nice dress for the wedding and I felt amazing in my skin for the first time.
I decided to have one of my friends take some pictures of me on the beach at sunrise the morning of the wedding/birthday so I could have some good pics of me. I always hated taking photos because of low self esteem and I just was really feeling myself for the first time.
A few of us who weren’t in the wedding did a little birthday breakfast together on the beach. It wasn’t a big thing, just five or six of us. My friends made me a little picnic. Got some great photos there too and I felt really happy. I decided to post the beach pics and the breakfast ones on IG. It was my first post in probably 2 years.
The wedding happened and then a few days later, I got some really angry texts from the bride. She said I broke my promise that I wouldn’t celebrate on her wedding day, that I was trying to steal her thunder, and that I didn’t even have the decency to post anything from her wedding when all our other friends did.
She was on her honeymoon when she was texting me all this. She said she had already been upset with me for not going to the bachelorette and basically called me a bad friend. I’m really confused and hurt.
It wasn’t my intention to make her upset, I guess I did technically break my promise not to do anything on my birthday but I guess I just didn’t think it was a big deal since it was just a breakfast. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
conswithcarlosd
NTA she doesn't get to own a day. She's TA for trying to get you to diminish your own birthday. Two different things can be celebrated on the same day. What you did was tame. I could see her being upset if you came to the ceremony in a birthday girl sash and crown upon your head but posting to your own IG about your own birthday is not breaking any promises nor did it impact her in any way.
The OP responded here:
txglow
That’s what I thought. I’m wondering if she’s just upset I posted about it. Like if it all still happened and I posted pics from her wedding instead if she would even care that much. But it’s still really weird to me regardless.
Silver_Struggle_8115
Agreed NTA. I would think "don't celebrate the day of my wedding" meant don't show up trying to get everyone to sing happy birthday while wearing a crown or a sash like you said.
But she didn't want OP to celebrate her birthday at all? OP should tell her off, "heifer, you're lucky I'm even coming to this thing at all. I did my celebration before the ceremony, so get over yourself and enjoy your honeymoon."
namesaremptynoise
NTA. Has it occurred to your friend that from now on her anniversary is going to be on your birthday? Are you expected to permanently move your birthday to another day so as not to "steal her thunder?"
That's not even getting into expecting you to go bar-hopping when you don't drink and having a destination wedding you couldn't afford but still expecting you to put up pictures of it.
The OP again responded:
txglow
Didn’t even think about it like that! You’re right. Tbh this whole situation is making me reconsider our friendship in general, so that might not ever be an issue moving forward.
HappyCamper82
You aren't a marketing contact, you're a friend. You were invited to the wedding as a guest, not a content creator. You have no obligation to post anything for anyone else. NTA. Live your life. Hope you got more likes than any wedding post.
history_buff_9971
NTA - You're "friend" - who is not your friend - is a selfish little madam. She booked her wedding on your birthday which is neither here nor there because one has nothing to do with the other but then she had the nerve to demand you don't celebrate on your own birthday because she's a bride?
Frankly, that's when you should have told her to take a long hike off a short pier however having a birthday breakfast on the beach is hardly partying it up. What kind of a spoilt, entitled brat thinks they can demand other people don't celebrate their own birthdays in whichever way they choose just because they happen to coincide with her wedding day?
Some women really could do with a reality check on how little their big days actually matter to most other people. Oh yeah sure, attending a wedding is nice, but really, other than the wedding party for most other people it's a nice party where you get to dress up and have a good time with friends and family.
It is not the most important thing in really anyone but the bride and groom's lives. And as for this throwing a tantrum because people can't make a bachelorette party. that's just silly.
But you have to feel a bit sorry for her really, if she's spending her honeymoon checking out all her friend's Instagrams - how else would she know - and firing off nasty texts if they haven't published enough adoration of her then it can't be much of a honeymoon.
I'd simply ignore her, anyone who treats other people like this over something as ridiculously trivial as this is not someone you should invest any time or energy worrying about. You're not the bad friend here. She is.