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Bride asks friends for cash instead wedding gifts; one friend offers $5. AITA?

Bride asks friends for cash instead wedding gifts; one friend offers $5. AITA?


Money can be a difficult subject between friends, but weddings tend to create the most awkward financial situations in the group chat and Venmo feed...

So, when a conflicted future doctor decided to consult the moral compass of the internet otherwise known as Reddit's 'Am I the As*hole' about refusing to donate to their friend's wedding fund, people were eager to deem a verdict.

"AITA For Not Wanting To Help Pay For My Friend's Wedding?"

I have a close friend from college who's getting married next year, and she's been asking for my help to contribute to her wedding. I think it's sweet that she's thinking of me, but I don't think it's a good idea for me to help out financially.

My friend and I have been close for a few years now, and I'm happy for her. She is struggling financially, and they have asked that instead of wedding gifts, people can donate to parts of their wedding ceremony (there's a registry and everything, like “table flowers” and stuff).

I know she's trying to save as much money as possible for certain reasons unrelated to the wedding. But I just don't think it's right for me to be helping her out with the costs at this time.

I'm a recent doctorate candidate (soon), am currently writing a memoir, and I don't know when I will have time to get a job - anything I give is just that much less time I can live on my own.

Even if I could afford it, I don't think it's fair that I should have to help out when I know her fiance already has a job and could definitely get another, and some of his friends seem well off.

I tried to explain my financial situation to my friend, but she's still asking for help, even a little. She suggested that I could contribute a much smaller amount than others, but I still don't think it's a good idea. I told her that if I was in a better financial situation I would be more than happy to help out, but right now it just isn't possible.

My friend got really mad at me and said that I was selfish, and that she expected more from me. Our group of friends all pledged to help pay for each other's weddings back in college, and she says that since she helped pay for my wedding ($550), that I should help her out, even if it's just $20.

She is also threatening to tell our group of friends, just because all of them contributed to my wedding - but she completely ignores the fact that my marriage didn’t last even one year.

I don't want to lose her friendship, and I really don’t want her to tell our friends - my financial situation is private. More importantly, I also don't want to be taken advantage of. AITA for not wanting to help pay for her wedding?

In general, it's always better to plan a wedding you can afford than hope your friends and family will crowdfund the luxurious 5-star gala of your dreams...

However, asking guests to contribute cash or help plan in lieu of a wedding gift seems like a completely reasonable request from this bride. Later, the post was edited by the alleged memoir author to include more damning details:

Edit: ok, after seeing all the reactions and misunderstandings here, I talked with a couple other friends in our group and showed them the post. They sent me some money ($100) to give to our friend for her wedding. I’m going to offer $5 at first and see if that is enough.

Couple other points: My friends fiancé agreed to purchase my ticket to fly, so giving up that money and not going is not an option. My friend did also give me a wedding gift which I returned.

I do not have the money for a wedding gift, but I believe being there for her on her big day is a present itself - everyone laughs when I say “my presence is present enough” so I don’t think it’s as negative as others see it.

I have not been accepted into a school yet, I am starting to apply for PHD programs. I’m writing a memoir as a tribute and gift back for my experiences - and doing it now to prepare to become a doctor.

Edit 2: to clarify, I understood the $100 is to be used for ALL friend weddings in our group, not just the one now. I am NOT just pocketing the money. I am saving it for when others get married and that means I have to try to ration it out, for lack of a better word. Note - there are only three people left in the group who are unmarried: my friend, one other person, and myself.

EDIT 3: A LOT of people are asking about my memoir. I won’t be sharing details here so as to not take it off topic. Anyone can DM me for more info though.

Edit 4: I offered the $5, and didn’t hear back for a couple days. So today I offered $20 as a gesture of good will, without waiting to hear about the $5. She said no, and even had the audacity to tell me I didn’t need to come to her wedding at all!

I offered $25, then $50. Still nothing she just seemed to get more upset even when I INCREASED the amount. Idk what she expects literally more than double what she asked for, and it isn’t enough?

$5 that isn't even your own money? This person should be embarrassed...

If there are only 3 people left to get married and they assumed the $100 gift was to be split between the friend group, this person is definitely saving some of that money for their own wedding. Of course, the jury of internet strangers was eager to weigh in on this wedding mess. Here's what people had to say:

schoobydoo42 said:

Well I'm glad I withheld my judgment until I got to the end. I'm going with YTA (You're the A$*@ole) because you didn't slip in until the second-to-last paragraph that the reason why she's asking you is because she contributed over $500 to your wedding, and now that it's your turn to chip in, you don't want to give her a red cent.

You said she was also asking for help with things like decorations. What have you offered to contribute for labor, since you are unable to give a single cent, because you are busy being a not-yet-doctoral student and writing a memoir?

FLmom_Report4590 said:

Oh wow…this took a turn. At first I was like, why would anyone expect someone else to pay for their wedding, then we get to the cliffhanger. You are an AH. You took $550 for your wedding and can’t even come up with $20 for your friend. Wow! You are going to end up with no friends. YTA.

murphy2345678 said:

YTA. I was going to judge the other way too until she gave me $550. Give her the money or expect backlash from your friends. It will be well deserved backlash.

Nericmitch said:

Wait…am I understanding that your friend group all pledge to help with each others weddings and they all helped you but now you are backing out of a pledge you’ve already taken advantage of.

It doesn’t matter that you marriage didn’t last. You still kept you friend group to their word and they all stepped and honored that agreement but now that you have gotten what you wanted out of it you can’t even find a small amount to keep a promise you made. YTA and you deserve to be called out.

kretanhaze said:

I have a title for your memoir: 'I AM the a*^@ole'

So, there you have it!

Everyone agreed unanimously here that the friend is 100% and completely in the wrong. It's almost hilarious and impressive how wrong they are here and blaming the memoir is just the icing on the cake. Good luck on finding new friends, everyone...this is going to be an awkward wedding season.

Sources: Reddit
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