Weddings

<p>What is it about weddings that seems to bring out the worst in everyone? Is it the pressure, the drama, the chicken dance? Whatever it is, someone is inevitably brought to hysterics by some kind of issue, especially when it comes to the guest list.</p><p>That&#39;s exactly where Reddit user <a data-testid="post_author_link" href="https://www.reddit.com/user/EvalynHTX/">u/EvalynHTX</a> ran into problems while planning her upcoming wedding. This bride-to-be opted to exclude a friend from her wedding for one reason, she used to date her brother. </p><p>Now, she&#39;s turning to the internet to ask:</p><h1><a href="http://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/t3dayb/aita_for_not_inviting_my_brothers_ex_girlfriend/">AITA</a> (Am I TheAs*hole) for not inviting my brother&rsquo;s ex-girlfriend to my wedding?</h1><figure class="image"><div class="image-container"><img alt="" onload="(__markFirstPostVisible || function(){})();" src="https://www.redditstatic.com/desktop2x/img/renderTimingPixel.png" /></div></figure><div className="ad-splitter"></div><blockquote> <p>I&rsquo;m genuinely struggling with this one. About five years ago, my ( 29 F) brother (32 M) and his ex-girlfriend (28 F) broke up after a three-year relationship.</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>They lived together, and he mentioned on multiple occasions he wanted to marry her. Her and I became extremely close during their relationship, and I would have considered her one of my best friends.</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>We were really close and developed a genuine connection. So close that I told her if I ever got engaged I wanted her to be a bridesmaid in my wedding.</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>However she ended up breaking up with him to move to another state for a career change, and he was absolutely devastated.</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>We kept in contact and I went to visit her a couple of times in her new state with my brother&#39;s permission, but we of course slowly started speaking less and less over the last five years.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><blockquote> <p>Fast forward to today - my brother is married to another woman and he and his wife have a one-year-old. He&rsquo;s very happy and him and his wife are doing great. I got engaged to my boyfriend and the wedding is in eight months.</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>Well long story short, my brother&rsquo;s ex and I were randomly catching up one day and I told her I got engaged. She said she was excited and couldn&rsquo;t wait to be in the wedding.</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>I told her that I hope she could understand that I don&rsquo;t find it appropriate for her to go now that my brother is married with a child.</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>I told her it would be disrespectful to his wife and would make for an uncomfortable situation for him and her. Not to mention I want my wedding day to be drama free and about my fianc&eacute;e and I.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><blockquote> <p>She blew up on me and essentially told me I was a bad person. She couldn&rsquo;t believe I wasn&rsquo;t allowing her to be there for &lsquo;one of her best friend&rsquo;s most important days&rsquo;.</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>She accused me of dwindling her down to just my brothers ex and not a human being who&rsquo;s been there for me over the last five years. No matter how much I tried to explain my reasoning, she wasn&rsquo;t hearing it.</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>The last thing she said to me is that she&rsquo;s going to the wedding or our friendship is over. I told her I wasn&rsquo;t changing my mind.</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>Am I the asshole for putting my brother and his wife&rsquo;s comfort before our friendship?</p> </blockquote><p>She added an update with more information:</p><blockquote> <p>I should mention I did talk to my brother and his wife about it first, and they said to do what I wanted to do, but they would probably ignore her.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><blockquote> <p>So I made the decision I thought was best, and the decision I would have wanted if I were in my brother&rsquo;s wife&#39;s shoes.</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>Also should mention we are having a fairly small wedding where it would be hard to avoid each other.</p> </blockquote><p>It&#39;s never easy having to choose between your friends and your family, but sometimes you have to. It seems like there are no winners in this situation, and in my opinion, there are &quot;No As*holes Here.&quot; Not really. I can understand wanting to keep your wedding small and drama free, and I can also understand how hurtful it must be to lose someone you thought was your friend. </p><p>The reactions on Reddit were mixed. Is anyone the a-hole here? What&#39;s your take?</p><p><a data-testid="comment_author_link" href="https://www.reddit.com/user/JOSOIC/">JOSOIC</a></p><blockquote> <p>NTA. I don&#39;t blame you for not wanting drama at your wedding. And if you&#39;ve been speaking less and less over the years, are you even best friends anymore.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p><a data-testid="comment_author_link" href="https://www.reddit.com/user/its-chaos-be-kind/">its-chaos-be-kind</a></p><blockquote> <p>Agreed, NTA and since she feels confident enough to give you an ultimatum &ldquo;invite me or friendship is over,&rdquo; she would most definitely cause drama. You made the right choice.</p> </blockquote><p><a data-testid="comment_author_link" href="https://www.reddit.com/user/chi_lawyer/">chi_lawyer</a></p><blockquote> <p>NAH, it&#39;s painful to find out someone you were once close to (and still feel closeish too) doesn&#39;t feel like inviting you to their wedding.</p> </blockquote><p><a data-testid="comment_author_link" href="https://www.reddit.com/user/chocobocho/">chocobocho</a></p><blockquote> <p>This is why I actually think OP is TA, opposed to N-AH. Why did OP even have to say anything about her brother? Why frame it in the most hurtful way for the friend?</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>Why not just leave it at the wedding is small with limited invitations or her distance and natural drift as friends for the reason she didn&#39;t make the cut?</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p><a data-testid="comment_author_link" href="https://www.reddit.com/user/NUT-me-SHELL/">NUT-me-SHELL</a></p><blockquote> <p>NTA. So the two of you hardly talk anymore and she demands she gets to come to the wedding or your friendship is over?</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>Are we sure she doesn&rsquo;t want to come so that she can make your brother uncomfortable?</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>That said, kudos to you for looking out for your brother. Losing her friendship doesn&rsquo;t seem like much of a loss.</p> <p> </p> </blockquote><p><a data-testid="comment_author_link" href="https://www.reddit.com/user/KillerBear27/">KillerBear27</a></p><blockquote> <p>NTA. From my understanding, you and the ex grew apart over the years and she is thus no longer a close friend.</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>This is a situation where you&#39;re choosing your brother over an old friend that you don&#39;t have much contact with anymore.</p> </blockquote><p><a data-testid="comment_author_link" href="https://www.reddit.com/user/brandonbadtkes/">brandonbadtkes</a></p><div className="ad-splitter"></div><blockquote> <p>NTA do not invite this person. Your day but also your brother should be able to see his sister get married without the stress of an x that left him for her career.</p> </blockquote><p><a data-testid="comment_author_link" href="https://www.reddit.com/user/beardedmoose87/">beardedmoose87</a></p><blockquote> <p>NAH It&#39;s your wedding, invite who you want.</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>Also, your friend is allowed to be upset. They felt you had a strong connection and friendship that goes beyond being your brother&#39;s ex.</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>If that&#39;s not true, if this is a line you want to draw, she would be justified in also drawing a line on not considering you a friend anymore.</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>So you&#39;re not an AH for not inviting her. She&#39;s also not the AH for being upset about it.</p> </blockquote><p><a data-testid="comment_author_link" href="https://www.reddit.com/user/grop76549/">grop76549</a></p><div className="ad-splitter"></div><blockquote> <p>NAH - id feel the way she does and I wouldn&rsquo;t want to be your friend after that either, but if I was in your position Id also feel the way you do. It&#39;s lose-lose either way</p> </blockquote><p><a data-testid="comment_author_link" href="https://www.reddit.com/user/gidders42/">gidders42</a></p><blockquote> <p>NTA - this emotional reaction from her I think is your answer, clearly would have been a risk of drama at the wedding. Good for you to put your family first.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div>

Bride asks if it's wrong to exclude friend from wedding because she's her brother's ex.

What is it about weddings that seems to bring out the worst in everyone? Is it the pressure, the drama, the chicken dance? Whatever it is, someone is inevitably brought to hysterics by some kind of issue, especially when it comes to the guest list.That&#39;s exactly where Reddit user u/EvalynHTX ran into problems while planning her upcoming wedding. This bride-to-be opted to exclude a friend from her wedding for one reason, she used to date her brother. Now, she&#39;s turning to the internet to ask:AITA (Am I TheAs*hole) for not inviting my brother&rsquo;s ex-girlfriend to my wedding? I&rsquo;m genuinely struggling with this one. About five years ago, my ( 29 F) brother (32 M) and his ex-girlfriend (28 F) broke up after a three-year relationship.  They lived together, and he mentioned on multiple occasions he wanted to marry her. Her and I became extremely close during their relationship, and I would have considered her one of my best friends.  We were really close and developed a genuine connection. So close that I told her if I ever got engaged I wanted her to be a bridesmaid in my wedding.  However she ended up breaking up with him to move to another state for a career change, and he was absolutely devastated.  We kept in contact and I went to visit her a couple of times in her new state with my brother&#39;s permission, but we of course slowly started speaking less and less over the last five years.  Fast forward to today - my brother is married to another woman and he and his wife have a one-year-old. He&rsquo;s very happy and him and his wife are doing great. I got engaged to my boyfriend and the wedding is in eight months.  Well long story short, my brother&rsquo;s ex and I were randomly catching up one day and I told her I got engaged. She said she was excited and couldn&rsquo;t wait to be in the wedding.  I told her that I hope she could understand that I don&rsquo;t find it appropriate for her to go now that my brother is married with a child.  I told her it would be disrespectful to his wife and would make for an uncomfortable situation for him and her. Not to mention I want my wedding day to be drama free and about my fianc&eacute;e and I.  She blew up on me and essentially told me I was a bad person. She couldn&rsquo;t believe I wasn&rsquo;t allowing her to be there for &lsquo;one of her best friend&rsquo;s most important days&rsquo;.  She accused me of dwindling her down to just my brothers ex and not a human being who&rsquo;s been there for me over the last five years. No matter how much I tried to explain my reasoning, she wasn&rsquo;t hearing it.  The last thing she said to me is that she&rsquo;s going to the wedding or our friendship is over. I told her I wasn&rsquo;t changing my mind.  Am I the asshole for putting my brother and his wife&rsquo;s comfort before our friendship? She added an update with more information: I should mention I did talk to my brother and his wife about it first, and they said to do what I wanted to do, but they would probably ignore her.  So I made the decision I thought was best, and the decision I would have wanted if I were in my brother&rsquo;s wife&#39;s shoes.  Also should mention we are having a fairly small wedding where it would be hard to avoid each other. It&#39;s never easy having to choose between your friends and your family, but sometimes you have to. It seems like there are no winners in this situation, and in my opinion, there are &quot;No As*holes Here.&quot; Not really. I can understand wanting to keep your wedding small and drama free, and I can also understand how hurtful it must be to lose someone you thought was your friend. The reactions on Reddit were mixed. Is anyone the a-hole here? What&#39;s your take?JOSOIC NTA. I don&#39;t blame you for not wanting drama at your wedding. And if you&#39;ve been speaking less and less over the years, are you even best friends anymore. its-chaos-be-kind Agreed, NTA and since she feels confident enough to give you an ultimatum &ldquo;invite me or friendship is over,&rdquo; she would most definitely cause drama. You made the right choice. chi_lawyer NAH, it&#39;s painful to find out someone you were once close to (and still feel closeish too) doesn&#39;t feel like inviting you to their wedding. chocobocho This is why I actually think OP is TA, opposed to N-AH. Why did OP even have to say anything about her brother? Why frame it in the most hurtful way for the friend?  Why not just leave it at the wedding is small with limited invitations or her distance and natural drift as friends for the reason she didn&#39;t make the cut? NUT-me-SHELL NTA. So the two of you hardly talk anymore and she demands she gets to come to the wedding or your friendship is over?  Are we sure she doesn&rsquo;t want to come so that she can make your brother uncomfortable?  That said, kudos to you for looking out for your brother. Losing her friendship doesn&rsquo;t seem like much of a loss.   KillerBear27 NTA. From my understanding, you and the ex grew apart over the years and she is thus no longer a close friend.  This is a situation where you&#39;re choosing your brother over an old friend that you don&#39;t have much contact with anymore. brandonbadtkes NTA do not invite this person. Your day but also your brother should be able to see his sister get married without the stress of an x that left him for her career. beardedmoose87 NAH It&#39;s your wedding, invite who you want.  Also, your friend is allowed to be upset. They felt you had a strong connection and friendship that goes beyond being your brother&#39;s ex.  If that&#39;s not true, if this is a line you want to draw, she would be justified in also drawing a line on not considering you a friend anymore.  So you&#39;re not an AH for not inviting her. She&#39;s also not the AH for being upset about it. grop76549 NAH - id feel the way she does and I wouldn&rsquo;t want to be your friend after that either, but if I was in your position Id also feel the way you do. It&#39;s lose-lose either way gidders42 NTA - this emotional reaction from her I think is your answer, clearly would have been a risk of drama at the wedding. Good for you to put your family first. 

What is it about weddings that seems to bring out the worst in everyone? Is it the pressure, the drama, the chicken dance? Whatever it is, someone is inevitably brought to hysterics by some kind of issue, especially when it comes to the...