Bride asks if she'd be wrong to cancel wedding because of strippers at bachelor party.
Bachelor and Bachelorette parties are a popular tradition where couples celebrate 'one last night of freedom' with their friends. But what if you found out your future spouse did way more than have a few cocktails? Would you cancel the wedding or would you marry a cheater?
Reddit user u/Anxious-Tax3838 was shocked and appalled when she discovered video proof of her fiancé's bad behavior at his bachelor party just days before they were supposed to walk down the aisle. She called off the wedding, but her family is not supporting her decision.
Now she's asking the internet, 'AITA (Am I The A**hole) for calling off my wedding 3 days before because of what my partner did at his bachelor party?'
She writes:
My (27f) fiancé (30m) and I had agreed on a mutual boundary about no strippers or anything inappropriate regarding our relationship on our bachelor parties.
Our parties were both on the weekend. My friends and I had booked a yacht for my party and we brought our own drinks and ordered takeout before we went so most of our money was spent on the yacht. We had a blast.
All of us got very wasted, to be honest, and the next day when i returned home I was suffering from a hangover and my fiancé was kinda upset with me and believed I was being inappropriate.
For days I felt guilty as if I had broken some kind of boundary when the worst thing I did was get drunk with my friends and sing karaoke and make our own party.
As far as I was aware my fiancé had respected all boundaries we had set which is why I felt more guilty for acting immature at my own party.
But yesterday one of my bridesmaids who's also the gf of one of my fiancé's groomsmen called me crying and said she'll send me a video and I can do as I wish with that info.
She sent me the video and it was some of the groomsmen and my fiancé dancing with strippers and doing extremely inappropriate things with them. My bridesmaid's boyfriend also filmed himself getting a bj from a stripper. My fiancé was dancing with them and touching them in ways he shouldn't.
I showed my fiancé and we had a huge fight over this and I cussed him out for making me feel guilty for being drunk at my party while he did all that at his. He kept apologizing and begging for forgiveness and he said that we both did stupid things and we should leave it behind and promised he'd never do such thing again and he just got carried away.
I didn't buy any of that so I called off my wedding and I announced it to my guests by sending them emails. I notified our families separately and I've been called all names in the book by both families for doing so.
They said they understand why I might feel upset but these things are normal to happen and I should not let my emotions take over and how it's irrational to call off a wedding which cost thousands over such a silly small thing.
My parents especially have been extra hostile and say I am embarrassing them and how instead of trying to work things out and move on I'm throwing everything away. I don't think I'm TA but for a more unbiased and third-party view, am I TA in any way and being irrational?
My heart breaks for this bride. Not only did she find out her fiancé betrayed her, gaslit her, and broke her heart, but she also got no support from her family when she courageously called off the wedding.
I'm sure plenty of people would have bowed down to the pressure, but I applaud this woman for making the wise decision NOT to marry someone who treats her this way. His disgusting actions are a major dealbreaker. It may be painful now, but she's saving herself years of suffering and thousands of dollars on divorce lawyers down the road.
This bride may not have the support of her parents, but she has the support of Reddit users 100%. They declared her 'Not The A**hole' for her decision to call off her wedding to this manipulative and dishonest man. As usual, they did not hold back their opinions on his behavior.
From DancinginHyrule
NTA. It's not normal. And you had a very specific agreement that he broke, and lied about it. Not only that, but he purposely blamed you for getting drunk, because he was building up a defense in case he got caught.
You both did stupid things? Hell no. He's trying to gaslight his way to forgiveness. If he really wants forgivness, he can work for it, starting with rebuilding your trust in him, which can take years btw.
From Kimaris-Vidar
NTA Congrats OP, you dodged a bullet. Your ex clearly tried to gaslight you, even had the nerve to say that you both messed up when it was him all along. You also just saw the true colors of the people around you.
Your friend who showed you the video is a true friend. As for your parents, I'm sorry but they care more about keeping appearances than your welfare. You need to have a serious talk with them and see where to go from there. (hopefully they're reasonable and you won't have to cut them off)
Anyone who thinks YTA has no common sense or has messed up values. Consider spending lesser time with them or cutting them off because they don't care about your happiness.
From chocolatebarcereal
NTA. Infidelity right before a wedding is never a good sign.
From yet_another_sock
I mean, have however sexual of a bachelor party you want. Have an open marriage. Who cares.
Someone who not only lies to you about a very clear, mutually agreed upon boundary, but shames and gaslights (this is the correct use I swear) you into thinking that you broke that boundary when you very clearly didn't, someone who takes your joy away just to assuage their own guilty conscience, is not marriageable.
Sex aside, you cannot share responsibility for finances, healthcare, children with someone so undeserving of trust. NTA.
From Queenbee1120
And the family being upset that they've wasted a lot of $$ on the wedding arrangements is an extra slap in the face. They don't care about her happiness long-term and expect her to sacrifice that because they spent $$ on her wedding. To a cheating AH, no less. OP is NTA and well away from all of them.
From Wholesome_Hyena
wE bOtH Did sTuPId tHinGS… He got angry with you over nothing so that he could use this line on you. Absolutely NTA.
From CrystalQueen3000
You haven’t disgraced the family. This is all his fault and you absolutely made the right decision in calling off the wedding. NTA
From Primary-Criticism929
For me, the lying is just enough. That's not how I would want to start a marriage. Not that I wouldn't be pissed about the rest of the story but even if nothing had happened, just the lying would make me reconsider marriage.
From Jezzmund
NTA because calling off a wedding is easier than getting a divorce later. There's no such thing as 'one last fling'.