Bride discovers ex-bridesmaid called her a 'bridezilla' for wedding demands.

Are brides really 'bridezillas' for having a specific wedding vision and asking their friends and family members to help achieve that? Is using your loved ones as free labor always crossing a line, or are there some circumstances where it makes sense?

So, when a conflicted bride decided to vent to the gloriously petty 'Wedding Shaming,' group of Reddit about kicking a bridesmaid out of her bridal party and her entire wedding list, people were ready to deem the ultimate bridezilla verdict.

Friend calls me a bridezilla behind my back after leaving my wedding party...

Some background: I’m getting married in about a year and a half. The wedding is going to be in the town where my fiancé’s family lives. It’s a beautiful, waterfront venue.

We don’t live near most of our friends and family, who live all over, so it was going to require travel for most people regardless of where we had it.

I asked one of my oldest friends to be MOH, largely because she had said she wanted to do it years ago, and I assumed that was still the case. She said yes. I created a group chat for the wedding party.

I let everyone know plans as they arose. It’s a small community where we’re getting married, so we have to book vendors really early to ensure we have them. I also want to give everyone time to plan out any possible days off, money, etc.

I told the party that they could book whole houses for like $100/each and that I’d be happy to help them find places to stay. I also offered to help them find affordable tickets, and I sent a link for the site to get dresses. It’s a common one that sells dresses for under $100, and I just asked they get a specific color in any style.

I recommended not getting floor length, as most of my friends are short and that would require tailoring. I offered to pay for hair or makeup for everyone, as I can’t afford both, but I made it clear that professional hair/makeup is not required at all. My bachelorette will be in my city, a couple months before the wedding.

One bridesmaid can’t come because she has to fly internationally, and that’s a lot to pay just to come back for the wedding. I totally get it, and am visiting her this summer so I can see her beforehand. I’m really trying to be flexible.

My MOH, Diane, asked a bunch of questions about the bachelorette and the wedding, and seemed excited about trying on dresses. We all joke about wedding prices and how we should do crypto scams or rob a bank to pay for everything, as I’m on a budget (though my in laws are lovely and paying for most things).

Everyone in the party said they’re happy to help put together centerpieces and do basic set up and break down (MOH was the only one to not volunteer). I was in a much more expensive wedding and had to do as much, and it was easy work. The bride and groom did their fair share too.

Diane tells me about a month ago that she had a sudden expense come up and couldn’t afford to be in the party anymore. I reminded her that there was a lot of time and that another bridesmaid (Sam) offered her a seat in her car to drive to both the bachelorette and the wedding (Sam prefers to drive).

Diane said no, it’s not going to work. I said fine, I understand. Everything seems normal, I asked another friend to step in and she happily agreed.

A couple weeks later, Sam tells me that she invited Diane over (they know each other through me but were trying to become friends) and that Diane complained that I had demanded she do a lot of work for my wedding, and that no one should expect the bridal party to work.

I pressed Sam because I could tell she was holding something back in an effort to not hurt me, but she admitted that Diane called me a bridezilla and went on a rant about how I was demanding a ton even though I hired a coordinator who should do everything.

She also said I was spending way too much and couldn’t afford the wedding. This was weeks after she had left the party.

The craziest part is that I never hired a coordinator, I was under budget (still am), and that I never asked her to do anything more than what I asked of the rest of the party. She just made all that up to a good friend of mine who was still in the party.

I hadn’t expected any drama, but I guess sometimes weddings bring out the worst in people. This just seems so unnecessary. I was obviously hurt and have uninvited her from the wedding.

Of course, the jury of wedding shamers had a lot of theories about this one. Here's what people had to say:

Ellustra said:

She might not be used to this level of requirements from the bridal party. Might be a cultural difference (I’ve been in multiple bridal parties in the US and UK and some destination weddings), but I’ve never been asked to help with setup, breakdown, or making centrepieces.

The most involved task has just been coordinating the bachelorette. It does sound like you are quite flexible with peoples limitations so she should have just voiced her concerns directly to you! Going behind your back is very rude.

tbone56er said:

You don’t necessarily sound like a bridezilla here, although I’d love to hear Diane’s version of the story. As a bridesmaid I wouldn’t really mind making centrepieces, but I would not appreciate having to do the take down at the end of the night.

I think that’s a lot to ask. It’s already a long tiring day, and then you have to stay until the very end and clean up after a large party at the end of it? No thank you. Maybe some people would be totally fine with that, but I wouldn’t be.

Laughorcryliveordie said:

I think making centerpieces might be more of an ask than you thought it would be. You both had differing expectations. Her budget was one factor but the workload probably added to that.

Bergenia1 said:

I don't think you're a bridezilla because you were pleasant about all your requests, but I do think you requested quite a lot from your attendants. Being a bridesmaid should be a one day event, and shouldn't require chores to be done.

Even the bachelorette party is a lot to ask for anyone who doesn't live in your city. Particularly if you make it a whole weekend, or want them to go somewhere expensive like a spa or resort or something. They shouldn't have to pay hundreds of dollars to participate in a party.

Spencersbiggestfan said:

Making centrepieces? Setting up, taking down? No f*cking way. People take the “maid” part too literally. The fact that people were “joking” about wedding costs makes me highly suspicious of what you’re asking.

You’re obviously trying to paint yourself as reasonable, but I suspect the truth lies somewhere between “reasonable” and “bridezilla.' Try to do better.

wowIamMean said:

I think she was a bad friend and you’re better off without her in your wedding. Talking crap and lying about someone is never the response to a problem. She should have came and talked to you with any issues she was having.

That being said, I think it’s unfair to use your bridesmaids as free labor. They are there to support you on your big day and celebrate you at the bachelorette and get ready with you the morning of.

It’s not fair to use them as a florist to make centerpieces AND to set up and break down the wedding. If you’re under budget, hire a wedding coordinator or breakdown team.

Later, the post was edited to include...

It seems that expectations for wedding vary by individual. I appreciate people who pointed out that I am asking my party to spend quite a bit on travel. I’m trying to be sensitive to that as I can.

If my friends hadn’t all volunteered repeatedly to help me, I wouldn’t have asked. This has made me super grateful to the rest of my party for being such lovely people.

So, there you have it...

While the opinions were slightly mixed here, most people agreed that this bride isn't necessarily a Grade A, classic 'Bridezilla' villain in the story, but she might be asking too much of her bridal party.

Bridesmaids aren't supposed to replace your venue staff, planner, coordinator or any other job involving in the wedding process and asking them to be DIY craftsmen might have crossed the line. Good luck, everyone!