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Bride doesn't want fiancé’s ex-lover to be the Best Man, 'I'm not jealous;' AITA?

Bride doesn't want fiancé’s ex-lover to be the Best Man, 'I'm not jealous;' AITA?


Recent exes from long adult relationships usually aren't invited to weddings, but are we really drawing the line at high school flings?

So, when a frustrated bride decided to vent to the moral compass of the internet otherwise known as Reddit's 'Am I the A^hole' about her soon-to-be husband's Best Man option, people were ready to weigh in on the drama.

AITA (Am I the As%hole) for not wanting my fiancé’s best friend to be his best man/in the wedding?

I know I’m probably gonna get a lot of YTA based off of title alone, but I genuinely feel like I have a valid reason here and just want to make sure I’m not crazy.

My fiancé (26M) and I (26F) recently got engaged amongst a small circle of close friends and family.

We have not done much formal planning yet, but when we got engaged amongst the congratulations his best friend (27M) said something along the lines of “I’ll have to make time in my schedule to be your best man” and this hasn’t really left my mind since.

My issue is the following: My fiancé is bisexual and when he and his best friend were in high school together they semi-regularly fooled around with each other.

They weren’t dating or romantically involved, but they’ve slept together, though not since before we met I've been told.

I’m not jealous of their relationship and I normally get along fine with his best friend. However, him having someone at the wedding, a man no less, that he slept with makes me feel uneasy.

I feel like an a-hole for even thinking this, because they’ve been best friends since middle school and helped each other through very dark times, but I really don’t know if I am comfortable with him attending, much less standing up there with us as we get married.

Here's what the jury of internet strangers had to say about this wedding drama:

Impossible_Rain_4727 said:

YTA - I promise you, 10 years from now that friend will still be in your partner's life. You however, may not be. If their continued friendship bothered you, you should not have accepted the marriage proposal.

You don't wait until wedding planning and be like 'It's me or your friend of 10+ years.'

Stormschance said:

YTA. Maybe I missed it, but you don’t cite a valid reason for your unease. You’re okay with them being best friends but not having him stand for your fiancé at your wedding? Does this sound rational to you?

So they hooked up in high school, that’s how many years ago? You trust that they’re not cheating behind your back? Or do you?

You need to decide if you trust your fiancé and his best friend or you don’t. If you don’t, put off getting married. If you do, then you should be fine with the best friend.

mackeyca87 said:

YTA- if you are fine with them being best friends why you not fine with him being the best man?

ProfPlumDidIt said:

YTA. The fact that this man is happy to stand up in front of everyone in support of your marriage should prove to you that there was never actually anything between them and that neither of them sees the other sexually/romantically in any way.

If you can't get past it, don't marry him. He doesn't deserve someone so insecure.

TaxConfident5316 said:

YTA. The wedding is for you and your fiance—not you alone. If he says he's uncomfortable with one in your party, wouldn't you have raised hell as well knowing that the person is someone important in your life?

Sort out your feelings, and I think you're still not at peace with the fact that your husband-to-be fooled around before he met you. They're friends now, so why make a fuss out of it? Better communicate with your fiance and see where it goes.

Note to couples about to embark on the wedding planning process: if you're worried that your future spouse is going to run off with their former high school hookup, there are deeper problems to be discussed.

Sources: Reddit
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