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Bride excludes brother's GF from photos; he's pissed; 'I said some things out of anger.'

Bride excludes brother's GF from photos; he's pissed; 'I said some things out of anger.'


AITA for not letting my brother's gf sit with us at my wedding?

So I just got married and I’ve been planning this wedding for almost 2 years, I wanted it to be perfect. My brother was best man, my sisters were bridesmaids, and my brother had been with his girlfriend for a while, she still hasn’t warmed up to me and frankly seems like she doesn’t like me but I invited her as a guest.

After the ceremony, I specifically wanted the bridesmaids, MOH, best man, and groomsmen to be seated with my husband and I, at least until the photographers were done catching candid shots. My brother went to pull up a chair for his girlfriend and I asked him not to, we needed to keep the colors matching and numbers even for the photos.

His girlfriend looked offended so I told her it’d only take a few minutes and then she could join us, but right now she just needed to stay out of the shots. My brother talked to her a little before she walked to the back tables, which she didn’t have to do, she could’ve sat closer.

My brother looked irritated, which made me slightly irritated because I didn’t want him looking unhappy in the pictures, so I said he could at least pretend to look happy.

I don’t know why that sent him, but it did.

He went off about her being shy and already feeling unwelcome in the family and I’m not making it easy for her. I told him it didn’t seem like she was happy to be here anyway, she doesn’t seem like she wants to be part of this family at all and frankly I didn’t want her unhappy expression to be permanently displayed in pictures of what’s supposed to be a happy occasion, then he storms off and sits with her.

I was pissed, this was supposed to be my day, it wasn’t about her. Made the seating at the table uneven in the pictures anyway, but they still turned out okay. My brother isn’t talking to me, even though I apologized and offered to apologize to his girlfriend.

Some things I said out of anger but also feel like I should’ve been granted some respect and they should know how important it was to me since they know I’d been planning this day for so long. The rest of our family and friends at the table just tell me it was awkward and don’t want to pick sides. So AITA?

Edits from OP:

All partners were aware and perfectly fine with waiting for pictures to be done. After the more “formal” candid shots were done, everyone was free to go where they wanted. Actual candid shots were going to be taken when everybody let loose and started having fun, and everyone was able to get pictures taken with friends, partners, and family.

The “staged candid” shots were specifically to be framed and put up in our house, so I preferred only the people involved in the wedding to be in those. Everything else would be put in an album and also shared with friends and family who might want to print theirs out.

My brother and his girlfriend are still in many of the pictures, for the record I don’t think she was actively trying to get in the shot or mess anything up.

My brother and his girlfriend have been together around a year, further info in my comment responding to this question. And for anyone confused by the staged candid photos, I understand it sounds pretentious but it’s not easy taking actual candid shots of 10 people without at least one person looking like they’re in the middle of a sneeze or something.

Here's how people judged the situation:

princessofperky writes:

Info: did you not discuss seating in advance? because it seems like they were blindsided

chacharealcrunchnow OP responded:

We did, everyone else knew but it’s possible it could’ve slipped his mind or he didn’t understand what I meant. I’ll be honest now that I’ve calmed down and thought about it some, it did seem like an honest mistake and I maybe came across as if I was rejecting her in a way.

tootsweete writes:

More info needed: Is your bro your husband’s best friend and that’s why he’s best man? Or did you pick your husband’s best man for him.

chacharealcrunchnow OP responded:

He and my husband have been close friends since they were little, though after we started dating my brother pulled back a little and they were no longer as close as they used to be, but over the years they’ve mended their relationship and my husband still considers him to be one of the best friends he’s ever had even if they’re not as close as they used to be.

He chose his own best man and groomsmen, I chose my bridesmaids and maid of honor.

mmjames66 writes:

I thought it was common etiquette that only the wedding party sit at the head table? I don't recall being at a wedding where that was not the case. NTA

NightTimely1029 writes:

Yep, that was my next thought. And honestly, the 'shy' and 'doesn't feel accepted' girlfriend pulled the whole thing like a powerplay over the brother, and he fell for it. Bridal parties in the weddings I've been to (USA) have all been seated at the same table or group of tables and it's only with the other part members, no plus ones or anything.

saucynoodlelover writes:

I’m open to the possibility that OP may not have been gracious when refusing to let the GF sit down, I do think that the GF (and OP’s brother) was wrong to even have asked. Also, they made a big fuss over a few minutes. Is the GF so codependent that she can’t be by herself for 10 minutes?

Competitive_Pen_8534 writes:

I was originally going to say Y T A, because I thought that you weren't allowing his date to sit with him for the whole meal. But just for some additional bridal party pictures? I think that's entirely appropriate. You're brother and his gf were out of line NTA.

karmarro writes:

Whether gf should have sat with bf or not, your bridezilla is showing. You dumped on brother. 'doesn't seem like she wants to be part of this family'; 'didn't want her unhappy expression to be permanently displayed'; 'this was supposed to be my day'

'Your day' doesn't give you the right to trash his gf. One other thing, don't you know when someone said they don't want to pick sides, they are really saying 'I don't want to tell you you were wrong'?

Sources: Reddit
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