'AITA for feeling like my bridesmaid owes me for upstaging and ruining my 30k+ wedding?'
"AITA for feeling like my bridesmaid owes me for upstaging and ruining my 30k+ wedding?"
My now husband and I got married 1.5 months ago. We had 6 people on each side of the bridal party. This wedding took 3 full years to plan and prepare for. When I got engaged, most of the bridesmaids were very single, including Anna, the 'star' of this story.
Two of them were in long term relationships. I wanted to just give the two partnered bridesmaids plus ones. Anna seemed offended by this, because my wedding was then years off, and she was actually dating her now husband at the time (though it was casual).
I eventually got pushed by my mother to give all of them plus-ones. Anna actually continued to date that guy, and married him four months before my wedding at two months pregnant.
She brought her new husband as her plus one (who I never met prior) and convinced one of the other bridesmaids to take her friend as hers (when she KNEW we didn't like him).
She was hugely pregnant, and didn't refrain from showing it off. We're both fairly young (25) and in my husband's culture, getting pregnant before late 20s/30s, married or not, is basically a teenage pregnancy and drew ATTENTION.
She also has a vibrant personality and has a way of eclipsing everyone around her. Her husband is also very tall and incredibly attractive, which drew a lot of attention.
All anyone spoke about or of was Anna's pregnancy and her attractive husband. Even in the line, people were asking about that 'electric woman' and of her pregnancy/marriage/life.
When they got up to dance, all eyes were on them. Anna's friend ended up hooking up with my brother, outing him as gay and causing a huge scandal. I ended up leaving midway through the reception in tears, and never attended the next morning's brunch.
Anna and her entourage left early the next morning and also didn't attend. I can't even look at the pictures without crying and desperately want a do-over. I'm not a bridezilla, but this was beyond the pale. It felt like a celebration of Anna's marriage.
I'm sorry, but I put so much planning, effort, and money into this while someone that got pregnant without a thought and married spur of the moment reaped the benefits. I honestly feel like Anna owes me a wedding and did all of this as revenge for me offending her years ago. Am I wrong?
Here's what the jury of internet strangers had to say about this mess:
drbiddy said:
YTA and I don’t even know where to begin to explain why.
[deleted] said:
YTA what the actual f%$k. The only thing wrong your friend did was convince the other bridesmaid to invite her friend. But being angry at a bridesmaid for being pregnant is a VERY birdezilla thing to do and I can’t understand how self-centered you have to be to not even realize that.
j_bgl said:
YTA. I read the entire thing twice and I can’t figure out what Ana allegedly did wrong. Just because you spent 3 years and a presumably absurd amount of money on your wedding doesn’t mean you get to control aspects of your friends’ lives such as who they date, who their other friends are, how charismatic and attractive they are, or when they get pregnant.
LittleBookOfRage said:
YTA - are you actually serious? You can't selectively give plus ones to your bridal party (well you can but it's an asshole move). You think she got pregnant to ruin your wedding and you're bitter she married a tall attractive man...
wow that's just ??? And it's not her fault that the other plus one hooked up with your brother, that situation sucks but isn't her problem.
VictoriaBells said:
YTA. Just to recap, your qualms with Anna are:
-got married
-got pregnant
-is likeable
-has an attractive husband
It sounds like your jealousy of Anna is what ruined your wedding, not Anna herself. You also definitely sound like a bridezilla.
I highly doubt Anna decided to marry this man and get pregnant just to exact revenge on you (you do realize that sounds insane, right?), but for the record, you're also the ahole for telling your bridesmaids they weren't allowed to have a plus one unless they were married, especially three years out from the wedding, and especially when Anna was, in fact, dating the man who would become her husband.
MaxTheWonder said:
YTA. You are coming off WAY too sensitive about this, and unfortunately it's too late to do anything about it and actually enjoy your day, and let your friend* be happy celebrating you.
*Also - she's a bridesmaid of yours but you'd NEVER met her husband (who she'd been dating for years as well)? You sound like a bad friend as well. Was there anything she could have done that would have been okay to you?
smugpugmug said:
YTA and honestly it sounds like you’re also a bad friend too. No one owes you anything.