A best friend and bridesmaid posted to Reddit, asking if she had done the wrong thing in a tricky situation. Here's her story, you can decide who the a-hole is for yourself.
AITA (Am I the A-hole) for not attending my best friend's wedding last minute?
I (27F) have been invited to Pam's (29F, fake name) wedding. I helped preparing everything, location, food, decorations, all that. However, a few hours before the wedding, we (the bridesmaids) were with her for preparation. After some chatting, she pulled me aside and asked me to not wear my sunglasses on her wedding.
For explanation, I have an eye condition called anisocoria (my left pupil is always extremely diluted while the right one works normal) and suffer from photophobia in this eye, therefore I always wear sunglasses.
I wanted to know what she expected me to do about my condition and she said I could wear a pretty lace eye patch because that would fit better into the aesthetic of the wedding rather than my glasses or my eyes.
I refused because 1. I would've had to go and buy one (I don't think I could've done it on time) and 2. Don't feel comfortable to wear something like that in front of everybody (big wedding).
We got into an argument and I ended up leaving. In retrospect, I feel like I was being childish about all that, but I wish she would have told me about her issue with my eye before. I don't know if I'm the a-hole here so I'll accept any judgement.
Reddit has a lot to say on this one, but it all included NTA (not the a-hole).
WhichSomewhere1818 lays it all out:
Okay let me get this straight: You have an eye condition that you can't help and it's painful for you to not wear sunglasses because of the light. Yet your best friends thinks her aesthetic is more important on her wedding than your well-being?
That's beyond f*cked up. Especially this comment:
because that would fit better into the aesthetic of the wedding rather than my glasses or my eyes.
Am eye patch is better than your eyes? Because they don't look the same? Holy shit. Are there only blue eyes people allowed or something? Your friend isn't your friend.
Hello, thank you for the answer. I'm used to people not being comfortable with my eyes because of the difference between them. It does not fit into the standard of beauty in their mind but many react like this I don't have an issue with that anymore.
hi, I hope this isn't an insensitive question, but so your eyes look like Bowie's?
And OP graciously replies:
Hi, not an insensitive question at all. Yes they do.
Thousands of people the world over thought Bowie’s eyes were beautiful and compelling. You need better friends. Also, as someone with mild photophobia who has to wear glasses in anything but dim indoor light, f*ck your friend and her aesthetic.
NTA, and I’m honestly having trouble believing you’re in doubt on that score. You have a disability. She wanted to take away your accommodation because it was “ruining” her aesthetic. Do you really think that makes you the a-hole? Especially when, if she was determined to make this an issue, she could’ve brought it up and at least given you a chance to skip out well before the event, let alone doing all this sh*t for free?
NTA It's like saying 'Please come without your wheelchair.' It's sad you missed your friends wedding. I hope you will get an apology for this behavior.
This bride is way more than a bridezilla, she's a selfish a-hole. Good luck finding better friends, OP!