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Bride gives best man's wife 16 hour ultimatum to find childcare for wedding; AITA?

Bride gives best man's wife 16 hour ultimatum to find childcare for wedding; AITA?


Child-free weddings are often a subject of debate, as many parents think it's rude to exclude their kids from family events...

Even though finding childcare on a weekend night can be difficult and expensive, most couples don't imagine their wedding day with a soundtrack of toddlers having temper tantrums during the vows. So, when a frustrated best man decided to consult the moral compass of the internet otherwise known as Reddit's 'Am I the As*hole' about his brother and sister-in-law's behavior at their child-free wedding, people were ready to help deem a verdict.

AITA (Am I the As*hole) for distancing my family from my brother/SIL after SIL attempted to un-invite my wife from their wedding?

My younger brother was getting married (I was asked to be best man) and his fiancé (now wife) almost un-invited my wife from the wedding 10 days before the event because our childcare fell through.

My wife debated not attending early on since our first kid was only 2mo old at the time we needed to buy plane tickets (prices were high for our budget). We ended up agreeing to go for a short trip and my wife’s parents would watch our baby at our house while we were out of state at the wedding.

That childcare fell through because my father-in-law is receiving cancer treatment and was told a slot opened up for a procedure he needed to do that exact weekend in a totally different city.

The next available slot was another month away and his Drs did not recommend waiting that long. So our 7mo old was now going to fly with us and we were reminded she could not be at any wedding events.

2 days after learning this (10 days before the event), my brother communicated that if we didn’t have a babysitter confirmed 'by noon tomorrow,' my wife would not be allowed at the reception (and not at the wedding since she’d have to keep our child outside the church).

Even if we found a sitter in 24 hrs, she would not have a place set for her and would be expected to not attend. This was blamed on the wedding planner needing numbers.

I offered: 'assume she is coming, I will inform you if we can't find someone before they ever set up the reception, and I will pay you for and eat the meal she is supposed to get.' I was told “that doesn’t work for my fiance. My fiance says you need to confirm a babysitter by noon tomorrow or your wife is not allowed.”

Against the odds we found a sitter within the next 16 hrs and attended. I had to be very delicate in my best-man speech. It wasn’t fun and has created a base level of distrust between our families.

AITA for distancing (we don't initiate communication or interaction. We will attend events if they are present) my family from my brother/SIL after SIL attempted to un-invite my wife from their wedding?

Of course, the jury of internet strangers was eager to weigh in on this child-free wedding drama. Here's what people had to say:

Nuisance36 said:

NTA (Not the As*hole). I would probably be distant for a bit myself. Your brother should have taken your word when you said 'assume she'll be there' and that should have been the end of it. I bet if you didn't have a sitter, your wife would have volunteered to not come on her own.

Your brother (mostly his fiance) created unnecessary hostility. You wouldn't have purposely snuck in your kid against their wishes. Once you are comfortable, definitely talk to your brother alone about it. But keep it calm.

hannahsflora said:

NTA. We had a childfree wedding, and we were pretty strict about it, but putting myself in your brother's/SIL's shoes, I would've handled that entirely differently. I probably would've offered to help find childcare by reaching out to my local friends with kids and I certainly would've just assumed your wife was coming and been fine with the no-show if not.

It's pretty sh*tty that this was handled the way it was, and I also don't like that your brother blamed it all on his wife. The first lesson of marriage should be that you're a team with a unified front, and it seems like a cowardly way out for him to put it all on her - when clearly he agreed with the decision enough to push you on it.

nwpoll said:

NTA. They handled the situation poorly and without grace or consideration for your FIL’s cancer treatment.

BenHadjimi said:

NTA. But I guess that you're a very nice person. Because if the same thing happen to me, I'll make sure to mention about it in the speech.

avocadosdontbite said:

NTA. I don't blame you for being hurt. That was an ugly way to treat your wife. I would however be open to mending things in the future if they apologized and were willing to move forward. But I'm guessing they are one of these bridezilla couples who don't believe they were in the wrong...

So, there you have it!

Everyone agreed unanimously here that this best man and his wife wouldn't be wrong to distance themselves as family from these newlywedzillas. Insisting on a child-free wedding is completely understandable, but extenuating family circumstances are also an unfortunate part of life. Better luck next time, everyone...Thanksgiving is about the be awkward.

Sources: Reddit
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