When a recent bride had her heart set of wearing her late mother's vintage wedding dress - to the point where she wouldn't even eat or drink in it - she found her dreams crushed the day of her wedding. When she took out her anger and disappointment on the careless bridesmaid who caused the damage, she was told she overreacted.
That's where Reddit's infamous Am I the As*hole forum comes in. Here is the bride's story, and you can decide for yourself whether or not this 'bridezilla' went too far, or not far enough:
I (27 F) got married a month ago. My dress was this long, lacy gown that my mom wore at her wedding. My mom passed away about 2 years ago.
Because the dress was so important to me, I had a big plan to keep it safe from any damages. I would only wear the dress at the wedding itself, and I would switch to a more casual dress for the reception. When I was wearing the dress, I wouldn’t eat or drink anything except water, and I would stay inside at all times.
I promise I’m not usually this crazy about cleanliness, but this was my mom’s dress, and the thought of it being damaged broke my heart. But I also knew I wanted to wear it when I got married to have a piece of her with me. She adored this dress and always dreamed I would wear it.
My bridesmaids knew very well about my particularities with the dress. I had a room above the venue where I was getting ready. My dress was hanging in a safe place in the room.
On the day of the wedding, I went down to check on something for the wedding, leaving my bridesmaids in the room. Here’s what happened, as they told it to me:
They opened a bottle of Pinot Noir (my favorite) as a celebration.
They poured themselves glasses and began to walk around checking out the room. One of my bridesmaids, “Anna,” (27 F) wanted to get a closer look at my dress. She got really close to it, and she started touching the lace. Somehow, her hand holding the wine glass slipped, and wine spilled all over the bottom of the dress.
When I came upstairs, they told me what happened, and I started sobbing. My maid of honor called several professional cleaners, and they said there was no way they could get the dress in before the wedding. They told us ways to save the dress until we could get it into them, so my MOH (maid of honor) started doing that.
After that call, I became extremely angry. I asked “Anna” what the hell she was doing holding red wine so close to my dress when she knew how careful I was being. She dismissed it and said it wasn’t such a big deal because I was planning to wear the dress, so it could have gotten damaged that way too.
I couldn’t believe she said that. I called her thoughtless and careless and stupid. I told her that she was no longer part of the wedding and that I wanted her to leave. She left, and neither of us have reached out to the other since.
I got married in the dress I had planned to wear for the reception, and I was heartbroken not to be wearing my mom’s dress. After the wedding, my bridesmaids joked that I was a bridezilla for kicking “Anna” out after she made a “honest mistake.”
I absolutely don’t think I’m the AH (as*hole) or a bridezilla because Anna’s reaction was so horrible and insincere. But I wanted to get the story off my chest and ask some people who might be more impartial, AITA (am I the as*hole)?
Here's what straightaspasta had to say:
NTA (Not the as*hole) at all. If I was Ana, I would have been absolutely mortified and would have been apologizing profusely to you. (I also would never have red wine near a wedding dress, especially one that holds so much sentimental value).
And unikkorns_ agreed:
Yeah, same here. I'd feel super bad, begging for forgiveness, offer to pay for the damages. But I also wouldn't be touching the dress with a f*cking glass of wine in my hand (I don't drink wine) but I would have put down whatever was in my hand to avoid an accident in the first place.
But also knowing how much it meant to my FRIEND and that it's her WEDDING DRESS and the wedding is TODAY so the dress can't get RUINED, I wouldn't have gone near it or touched it. But when you fuck up something that belongs to someone else, you apologize and pay for the damages. Anna was rightfully kicked out for being so rude and ruining a doubly special dress.
But stop_spam_calls suspected foul play...
Anna’s “mistake,” really came off as intentional. Red wine even being in the same room seems like a risk but wandering over touching the dress while holding the worst possible drink to spill when it comes to removing stains….this just really feels like a set up, especially since Anna was so nonchalant about it afterwards was a big giveaway to me.
And they had theories to back it up.
People who make honest mistakes show how remorseful they are…she has not. Was it Anna who opened the bottle in the first place? Usually before the wedding the bride and bridesmaids have mimosas or just plain champagne. Pinot Noir is kind of aggressive to be drinking before the wedding ceremony…..
I dont know maybe I'm jumping to conclusions but OP, have you had any other similar altercations with Anna? Has she ever displayed any sort of jealousy towards you? Does she possibly like your husband? Just seems too perfectly set up to be just an honest mistake. I really hope you are able to salvage the dress. Maybe you could do a vow renewal in the dress? NTA (Not the as*hole).
But mostly, people just felt bad for the bride. Like No-Rub1544:
NTA (Not the as*hole) Why the hell would anyone have red wine that close to the dress? She couldnt have waited to see it without the red wine?? I feel so bad you couldn't wear your mothers dress. And to say it 'could have been damaged from wearing it' is the lamest deflective excuse. I would have done the same thing you did.
There's nothing wrong with loving Pinot Noir, but unless you plan on using a sippy cup, keep it the **** away from ANY bridal gown - vintage or not. And if you do make a life-altering mistake like that, it's so much better to humbly apologizer than to try and depend your actions. Yes, I am talking to you, 'Anna'.