Bride with 'cake smashing phobia' storms out of her wedding; realizes all the 'red flags' she ignored. CONCLUDED
'AITAH for leaving my own wedding because my husband embarrassed me?'
Mindless-Charge-5996
I F27 and my husband M29 have been together for 3 years. In those 3 years I have never have known him to be selfish, occasionally immature yes, but even that was rare. These problems arose when those stupid cake smashing videos got popular and my husband thought they were hilarious.
I've never thought they were funny and he knows that, yet he was always showing me the videos of those poor wives getting the happiest day of their life ruined by their a**hole partner for some cheap laughs. He also knows I have a history with cake smashing.
My family does the cake smashing thing. I remember it was my 17th birthday and I pleaded with my mom to not do it. She promised and I trusted her. I had my hair and makeup done up all nice and right as I blew out my candles my mom pushed my head into the cake and one of the decorations on the cake ended up slicing my forehead.
Not enough to go to the hospital but enough for some substantial bleeding. My birthday was ruined and after I wouldn't come out my room. My mom still calls me a brat for that.
I told my husband that if he ever did something like that to me, I'd leave him. He started laughing but I was being for real. Though he really was not taking me seriously.
Now, skip to a few days ago when my wedding happened. Everything was perfect, I was happy, he was happy. I was excited for our new lives as newlyweds. I felt like a princess in my poofy white dress and done up hair with perfect make-up. All very expensive things, I would like to mention.
We get to the cake cutting part and, as I turn to him he scoops up a huge chunk of our wedding cake and smashes it all over my face. Everything just seemed to go in slow motion for a few moments. He's just laughing at me, and then says 'you should see your face' and continues to laugh. Other people in the crowd (mostly my family) were all laughing at me.
Then I just start walking away. He realizes that I'm leaving and tries to catch up with me and says I'm being extra. I push him away and order an Uber. As I got outside, most of the crowd was following me telling me to come back. I got into the Uber and drove away.
I drove to our apartment and packed most of my things and went to stay at a hotel. I currently am staying at a friend's house. My family and his family has been blowing up my phone for days. They say I'm being childish and my husband is a good man and it was just a joke.
My husband has been calling me off the hook telling me to please come home and that he wants to talk. He says that he's sorry and he didn't think I'd get that 'emotional'. This was supposed to be the happiest day of our lives and he embarrassed me in front of everyone for some prank that he knew I hated.
Not only that, he ruined a $500 cake. He ruined my makeup, my hair and the top of my dress. The cake got all over. I still do love him and I'm wondering If I really was to hard on him, that seems to be everyone else's opinion. So AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
Wubbalubbadubbitydo
NTA. You said you’d leave if he did it. He didn’t believe you. If you don’t leave you’ll be setting yourself for a lifetime of being walked over if it amuses him.
L723
Shout out to the mom for also being a huge AH.
MarvellousIntrigue
Yeah, wtf was with that; calling her a brat?!? I’d be p*ssed off too. It wasn’t the time or place for him to try and get laughs. Seriously, grow the f*uckup! 🤦♀️ I thought cake smash was meant for a 1yo on the their birthday, which I think is also stupid! Just eat the cake like a normal person!
ETA I’m not talking about smashing a 1yo in the face with the cake! I’m saying, the cake smash that the 1yo does themselves, imo is also stupid! Why give a kid an entire cake, just for them to throw it everywhere.
GywnnythAnne
It happened to me at a birthday party, not my birthday or cake but somehow I was the one that copped it in the face. Not only did it hurt but I was so shocked that I started to cry and then left.
The OP responded here:
Mindless-Charge-5996
Oh no! I'm so sorry that happened to you! Also GOD yes it hurts like people think it's just a Lil mushy cake. Like no, it hurts especially if their is decorations.
M4d4m3gr33n3
And some people don’t even think about the skewers that hold up cakes that are multiple tiers or just really large cakes. Knew someone who once got a skewer to the eye from having their face smashed into their own birthday cake. Of course that ended the party and sent birthday kiddo to the ER.
NemeshisuEM
Guy here... I've ended relationships for less.
The OP recently was informed that their post had been removed, so they provided a new one. It provides a lot more information than we recieved in the orginal post, so the situation doesn't seem to be as unnecessarily dramtic as it once did.
'My husband smashed cake into my face on our wedding day and I left him.'
Mindless-Charge-5996
So my last post got taken down and I've gotten a lot of messages. I just wanted to update you all about a few things. I haven't gotten my stuff from my ex yet, I just haven't had the energy to because I'm still extremely upset...obviously.
From the videos online to the comments I received on my original post to ALSO the comments I looked at on repost of my post. It kind of made me think that there probably were a lot of red flags and I was just accustomed to being mistrearted so the bare minimum was enough for me.
After speaking about it with my friend, she said that he definitely had a lot of red flags and she even told me I should stay far away from dating until I get some help because I was obviously not seeing the red flags right in front of me.
I'm not going to go into it but sometimes I'd have to cook 2nd dinners for my ex because he didn't like everything I made. His mom apparently didn't get him used to vegetables, so he won't eat them. He would also make fun of my cramps when I was on my period. That's some of what I was referring to when I said immature.
Someone texted me saying if I was sure that he cheated on me. No I am not sure, at the moment it just felt like it made sense because of how horrible he was being. Though they made a good point.
The sister very well could have just been trying to kick me when I was down since I was leaving anyway. I have no evidence and I probably will never have evidence.
I unblocked him to just tell him I was going to come over in a few days to get my stuff and if he could just not be there and that I'd leave my keys. He said fine and that was it. So he will not be there when I get the rest of my belongings. I will also bring a friend with me in case he does try to do something.
I'm still not speaking to my family and I think I'm just going to go no contact like people suggested. I saw a video from a woman speaking about me and someone in the comments said I was groomed into this treatment which is why he felt it was okay to do this. Maybe she's right.
When I get my financials in order, I think I'll try therapy and wait a few years before attempting to date anyone. I also kept getting this question. 'How did the Uber come so quick.'
The wedding venue was in a city, in a building. Uber took 30 secs to order and 3 mins to get there. Plus who was really going to stop me from getting into the car? My husband gave up tbh pretty fast once he saw me trying to get into the car. I thought it was weird but I realize now. Playing victim because he didn't get his way.
Some of you may be saying how did you not realize you were being abused? I don't know sometimes it just happens that way. My brain is kind of dead at this point.
Again thank you to literally everyone for all the sweet comments and even people messaging me privately. I haven't responded to them all but I will try to since you took time out of your day to see if I was okay. I really appreciate that.
To people who say this is fake. I don't care 🤷 I went on this app because I figured I'd get like a few comments and maybe some insight. I got that insight (wayyy more than I thought I'd get in a million years) and now I'm going to move forward with my life.
So this is the last update, I'm going to respond to the pm's and then forget about this account and hopefully my old life. It's genuinely to depressing for me to think about. I'm okay though I feel lonely and depressed but I have my friends supporting me so I'm not that alone. I'll be okay and get myself out of this hole. I realize this post is a bit to doom and gloom.
Here were the top rated comments after this final update from the OP:
wotsitsarepleasing
Can we also just take a minute to consider how absolutely mindlessly stupid it is for the moderators to remove the original post. Thanks. Bloody hell.
SummerNothingness
When you have been manipulated and/or neglected by your own family then, yes, you basically build a blindness to it. I really wish you the best.
PatieS13
That's what I came here to say, and anyone who implies OP should have seen the abuse for what it was has clearly never been in that situation and should f*ck all the way off.
its_all_good20
Sweetheart- it’s hard to see red flags when it’s the only color you’ve ever known. I did the same thing- except I didn’t leave. I waited 20 years and barely made it out with my life. I totally understand that you didn’t recognize it as abuse and I think you need to be extremely proud of yourself. You are insightful and brave and so smart!!! Get that therapy. Take time. ♥️♥️♥️♥️
nan1ta
Excuse me, ma'am? You dropped this 👑
The OP actually returned with a few final comments.
Mindless-Charge-5996
Edit: I'm okay though I feel lonely and depressed but I have my friends supporting me so I'm not that alone. I'll be okay and get myself out of this hole. I realize this post is a bit to doom and gloom.
Edit: I'll bring a policeman with me if you guys say that I should.