Bride makes groom break promise nephew can be ring bearer; parents consider not going.

AITA for insisting my brother explain to his nephew why he can't attend his child-free wedding?

My (31M) son is five years old. About a year ago, my brother (34M) reassured my son that he could be the ring bearer at his wedding. This conversation occurred after he heard us talking about mine and his dad's wedding and was very offended he wasn't invited despite the fact that wouldn't be conceived for another three years after the event. My son really latched onto this comment.

Now, all these months later, my brother has proposed and is planning a wedding with his fiancée. When I told my son that his uncle was getting married, he was obviously overjoyed and immediately launched into bragging to his younger brother (who wasn't born when the initial conversation took place and was just giving him typical baby babbles in return) that he got the be the 'ring bear.'

I heard the proposal news from my mom and when I called to congratulate my brother, I also told him the story of how excited our oldest is. My brother went on to tell me that his fiancée is pretty adamant about a child free wedding, so the promise he made might not be doable anymore.

This was obviously hard for me to hear. Not only would this break my son's heart, this would also make mine and my husband's lives considerably harder. We're currently living abroad and didn't think we would have to find childcare for the time of the wedding. Our only options now would be:

1. Fly with our children and leave them in the care of people we don't fully trust since all trusted family members will be attending the ceremony

2. Leave both children with a trusted friend near our home and fly to the wedding (not ideal since, thanks to flexible work schedules, we were planning to spend a month with our families following the wedding... flying in for the celebration, flying home to pick up our children, and then flying back is too exhausting. Them flying alone obviously isn't an option.)

3. Not attend.

My brother said he would try to get his fiancée to reconsider, but we spoke two nights ago and he said she's putting her foot down. Admittedly, I was hurt over this on my son's behalf. I told him we would still try to make it, but it was unlikely that we could.

I also told him that if he even wanted us to consider coming, he would have to tell his nephew himself that he was going back on his promise and why.

My brother said it felt like I was issuing him an ultimatum and making him choose between family and his wife on what's supposed to be the happiest day of his life and that I was being unfair. I said he shouldn't have made promises he couldn't keep. AITA?

Here's what people had to say:

Whorible_wife69 writes:

YTA. You're making your brothers engagement news and wedding all about you and your son. You should be congratulating him and his fiancé. Letting them tell you about the proposal and wedding plans and letting them enjoy their moment.

Have a mock wedding at home with your husband get all dressed up, have a 'fancy' dinner at home and let your son be the ring bear and have his fun so he can get it out of his system. Take lots of photos and let this be a core memory for him.

You gave 3 options cool here's a few more:

1. You and your husband fly over with the kids, your husband skips the wedding.

2. You fly in attend the wedding your husband comes with the kids later on.

3. You get a room at the the hotel/wedding location hire a sitter referred to you by friends/family and check in on the kids occasionally.

4. You and your family fly in with a trusted friend/sitter they stay for a few days (at your expense) to watch the kids and you can have your fun adult time knowing your kids are in trusted hands.

Imagine how you would feel if someone made your engagement/wedding all about them. YTA

pofex writes:

NTA, I think you summed it up beautifully. Your brother made a promise that got child all hyped up, and now he wants someone else to deal with the emotional fallout when he renegs, because it would be inconvenient for him to deal with it himself? That's an asshole move right there.

ErixWorxMemes writes:

“Your wedding; your right to have it be child-free. Your promise; your responsibility dealing with the fallout of making that promise before you knew whether you could keep it.” NTA

genomerain writes:

Kids don't remember everything but they remember promises made. I don't know why people assume they wouldn't. Kids remember promises better than the adults who make them because at that age they actually still believe promises mean something. That's why you don't make promises to kids flippantly.