Here's the story:
I (27F) was raised by my maternal grandparents. My parents (M46, F56) are "free spirits" that didn't want to settle down and raise a child. Whatever. I saw them every few months when they would come by. Eventually they stopped coming. I didn't miss them. My grandmother and grandfather were my parents.
I am getting married in March and my invitations have all gone out. I invited my parents as guests. They are not part of the wedding or anything like that. I wasn't going to invite them but my grandfather asked me to please let my biomom be a part of my day.
About a week ago I spoke with my biodad. He wants a plus one on their invitation. I have not seen him in years so I thought maybe they had another kid and hadn't mentioned it. Nope. Apparently him and my mother have a man in his 30s that is a part of their relationship.
While neither myself or my fiance are particularly religious, and I have no objections to polygamous relationships in general, I would prefer not to have to deal with that at my wedding.
I told him that he and my mother were invited as a courtesy and that they had no parental privileges for me to consider. He said that excluding their partner was mean and that he wouldn't have left me with my grandparents if he knew they were going to raise me to be prejudiced.
I have spoken with my grandparents about this. Both sets. Nobody knew anything about this. So it seems that they were going to use my wedding to introduce this guy to the families. I called him back and was very firm. I told him that I have spoken with my wedding coordinator and made sure that no uninvited guests come to my wedding.
Since we are having the reception at a resort hotel in my city they have security. I also spoke with the manager and explained that I might have uninvited guests trying to get into my wedding reception. He said that security would escort anyone like that off the property and call the cops if needed.
All of this was relayed to my parents. Now they are complaining to everyone. I am dealing with it by telling everyone who calls me to fight for them exactly why I am excluding the person they want to bring. I just talked to my mother and she screamed at me for telling people her private business. AITA?
NTA. This sounds like it’s about not wanting some random stranger at your wedding. And not owing your parents anything, they’re lucky they’re getting an invite at all
NTA "Private business" my @&& - they want to parade that specific business at your wedding!
NTA. Ignoring the polyam angle for a moment, it sounds like your parents are trying to upstage your wedding; that's crass all by itself, and a legitimate reason for you to decide you don't want them there.
They're not there to celebrate you; they're there to tell people about their latest excitement. Tell them they can send holiday cards to everyone announcing the happy expansion but your wedding day is about your wedding.
NTA -- I love the "we wouldn't have abandoned you if we knew you were going to be raised like this!" line, you should totally come back with "but you DID abandon me and these are the consequences." And if they were going to use this to introduce this person to their families, then they have no right to talk about "private business".
NTA for not wanting to invite a complete stranger to your wedding.
To this, OP responded:
They are saying that I am giving all my friends and family a plus one even if I don't know who they are inviting.
And Karma_1969 responded:
Couples don't get a plus one. That's standard.
NTA "I (27F)" "My parents (M46, F56)"
JFC, the whole time I'm reading this I'm looking at those age gaps and thinking "please don't let this throuple person be a 36yo."
"Apparently him and my mother have a man in his 30s that is a part of their relationship."
I am going full McKayla Maroney over here.
“I told him that he and my mother were invited as a courtesy and that they had no parental privileges for me to consider”
Well said! How exhausting for you to have to defend this to your own parents. NTA