Bride plans 'no-kids wedding,' tells guests it's ok to decline, takes it back; AITA?
"AITA for getting upset at something I had originally said is ok regarding my wedding?"
I was supposed to get married last year but it had to be cancelled and we moved it to this year. I'm getting married in a month and I couldn't be happier. I have a no-kids wedding and I had notified everyone that it's a no-kids wedding so they could tell me whether they'll be able to attend or not.
I said it's fine if you can't find a babysitter for the day and I won't judge if you can't afford to have a sitter or you can't find one and you won't be able to attend, I just said I'd like to be notified at least two weeks prior to the wedding because that's when I'm gonna give the list of the guests to the venue.
4 of my friends and a cousin of mine called me earlier this week to tell me they won't be able to attend because they can't find or afford a babysitter. They wished me well on the wedding. I got very upset. They knew for an entire year that I was planning a no-kids wedding and they couldn't figure something out which tells me they don't actually care about me.
The phone calls of the 4 friends were separate and happened in the span of 2 days and my cousin actually visited me to give me the wedding gift and tell me she won't be able to attend. My cousin was the last one to tell me and I went off. I told her how I feel like my wedding is not important to them if they can't figure out how to leave their kids alone for one day.
My cousin then said how I'm being unfair because I had previously said its fine if we can't attend because of the kids for whatever reason and then I said that I'm being notified last minute and she pulled the argument that they notified way before the two weeks notice before the wedding and that they notified more than a month before it.
I told my cousin to leave my house because I needed to think. I called my mom to ask for advice and also consulted my fiancé but they both told me that I'm overreacting because the girls met my wishes and notified one month prior and how I was the one that said its not a problem if you can't attend because of the kids.
I said I felt it was unfair that they'd put their kids above my wedding when it was just for one night and my mom scolded me and said I'm being too entitled for expecting people to put their kids needs or their financial issues aside because I'm getting married and that my wedding might be the most important thing to me.
But, it's not the most important thing to everyone else and if someone has to attend 10 weddings a year it's natural they won't be able to meet the needs of every single one. So AITA for getting upset at something I previously said I wouldn't mind?
Of course, the jury of internet strangers was eager to weigh in on this child-free disaster. Here's what people had to say...
gw2kpro said:
YTA (You're the As*hole) because of this attitude. 'I said I felt it was unfair that they'd put their kids above my wedding.' If there is someone out there that DOESN'T put their kids over your wedding -- or any wedding -- then they are sh*tty parents I understand why you want a kid free wedding, and that is your right.
The other side of that coin is that some people with kids won't come to the wedding for lots of reasons involving their kids. That is their right. You asked for notice, and they were polite enough to give it to you.
SometimesSmarmy said:
YTA, you said it was ok and gave them a deadline and now you went back on that. Childcare is hard to keep and often people won’t know for sure if they have it until a week or two before an event. You’ve given no reason why you aren’t the asshole here, and every reason that you are.
salukiqueen said:
YTA even if you hadn’t said you were ok with it earlier, which you did, you’re still being unreasonable. Especially for those who can’t afford the sitter. Your wedding may be the center of your universe but other people have lives outside of you. You’re the one ruining your special day with your attitude. Let it go and enjoy the day or spend it sulking - your choice. And apologize to your poor cousin.
bonniebluest said:
YTA. This is what happens when you write no kids on the invites. You said it was ok so this is 100% on you. You're being very dramatic.