Bride refuses to provide 'special porta-potty' for mom's BF at wedding. AITA?
Something old, something new, something borrowed and something blue?
You most certainly have heard this classic wedding tradition. One bride-to-be was very surprised that her 'something blue' was expected to be a porta-potty.
"AITA for refusing to pay for my mom’s boyfriend’s porta potty?"
I (23F) am getting married to my fiancé (23M) this September. We are having a small wedding and reception at my dad’s friend’s house with lots of land and a barn where parties are thrown through the year. We are expecting about 45 people.
There is a toilet and a urinal in the barn so bathrooms won’t be an issue for the guests. My mom (48F) tells me that her boyfriend D (60M) needs a special bathroom. For background, D is nearly 550 pounds.
I am not fat shaming anybody, I think people of all shapes and sizes are beautiful. Heck, I know I’m on the bigger side too. Lots of people in my family are.
D used to be in great shape but then years of poor mental health, 3 divorces, and the loss of his son resulted in not taking care of himself. My mom is now basically his caretaker. And D likes things being that way.
D is alright, but we’re not that close. My mom cheated on my dad with him, and maybe I hold some resentment because of that. My mom says the bathroom at our wedding venue is not going to be big enough for D to fit in, and says we need to rent a handicapable porta potty for him in case he needs to use the bathroom.
We looked at local prices to rent one, and they’re starting at $180 per day. And that doesn’t include the fees for the company to drop it off and pick it up the next day. I wouldn’t have an issue with this except I’ve been to their house and their bathroom is smaller than the one at the venue.
So I don’t know why he needs this porta potty to use maybe twice for one day when he’s using something smaller every day at home. My mom also insists I pay for it since D is my guest at my wedding.
Not only do I think it’s unnecessary, but it’s also on someone’s personal property. How would you like to have a porta potty in your yard? My fiancé and I think it’s unfair for us to have to pay for the bathroom, but my mother is calling me selfish for not wanting to make him feel welcome and comfortable at my wedding.
I should mention that my mom has not spent anything on my wedding (even after saying she insisted she will) so it’s not like she is at a spending limit. My dad is on my side, and so are my bridesmaids, but maybe they’re biased. So, AITA?
Here are the top rated comments from readers:
NTA And if your mom is so insistent on a portapotty, she can come up with the money herself.
NTA the fact that his bathroom at home is the same size as the one at the venue is the only argument you need.
I'm wondering whether he takes a long time to complete a bathroom trip due to his size & is more hoping to avoid having a line of impatient folks outside the door and so is thinking he'd be left in peace in a porta potty (since others would choose indoor facilities).
Anyway, you're not obligated to explore his inner thoughts --he's not a beloved family member or cherished friend, HE'S YOUR MOM'S AFFAIR PARTNER. Honestly, they're lucky either of them is invited.
Your mom wants to flex. Call her bluff. Either that or she wants a reason to skip the wedding and feel self righteous about it.
Nta. You have bathrooms. Those are definitely bigger than the Porta potty.
NTA. There's already a bathroom that he can use. If he and your mother insist that he needs his own Porta Potty, they need to pay for it.
Have they asked the property owner if it would even be allowed? If they bring it in, who will be responsible for possible damage or injury caused by alcohol-fueled practical jokers? (There are reasons the people who organized the annual block party in my neighborhood only had PortaPotties once.)
Honestly, if I were your dad, I would pay for the porta potty. It would be such a massive flex. Then if I were you, I would thank him in your speech for doing so, and declare that his act of kindness, to enable your mom's partner to attend, was an inspirational act of selflessness.
Who cares if you are biased? He helped break your family up, and shouldn't expect special considerations. Heck, he's lucky to get an invite or that your dad isn't objecting. Being that the bathroom is larger than his normal one, it's more likely that he just doesn't want to share a restroom with people. Just tell her the people said no they don't want it there.