'AITA for my reaction after my fiancé replaced my wedding dress with one his mom picked?'
"AITA for my reaction when I learned that my fiance returned my wedding dress and replaced it with the one his mom picked for me?"
My fiance M33, and I F28 are getting married in December. His mom is the intrusive type but she's nice overall and we....somewhat get along.
I hate to admit that wedding planning has been an absolute nightmare. His mom wasn't willing to agree on most things, and my fiance said that since he's her only son then I should respect and appreciate this 'vision' she has for the wedding and how it should be.
She insisted to come along for wedding dress shopping. I took her with me and my mom and friends. I was so lucky to have found what I was looking for, but she picked a dress that she liked so much and said that 'she always pictured her son's bride in it' mom and friends thought this line was creepy.
I thought the dress was somewhat creepy and toooootally not my type. I apologized and thanked her for her 'vision' but told her that I'd already decided on a dress that I had 'envisioned' myself wearing at my wedding!.
She got all pissy because of it apparently, then must've told my fiance because, he came home in the evening ranting about how I made his mom upset and 'turned down' her help in choosing the wedding dress and excluded her from the process.
I asked 'what process?' duh it's just a wedding dress...my wedding dress so I really didn't get how she should get a say at all!. He got upset and said that this attitude of mine isn't working on him or his mom.
He said that I should consider the dress his mom wanted me to buy especially knowing that 'both dresses weren't that much different anyway' like she said but I told him yes they were different...like so much different.
Anyways, We argued about it then we dropped it. Yesterday I came home and found out that he had returned my wedding dress and replaced it with the one his mom wanted. I called him and he was straightforward about what he did and why he did it.
I lost it and started screaming at him. He asked me to calm down and really give this dress 'a chance'. I refused to even listen I screamed at him without giving him a chance to speak. He got home and we had an argument.
I then went to stay with one of my friends and he kept calling and calling then texting saying that I overreacted and it's his wedding too so it wasn't cool how I screamed at him. He insisted I give this dress a chance. He went on and on about how his mom has a 'vision' and good intentions and just wants what best for me as her future daughter in-law.
Mom is livid and has been wanting to go scream at him and his mom but my dad said that this isn't worth ruining my relationship with my in-laws. He suggested I wisen up and 'go with the flow' but is it too much for me to be able to pick my own wedding dress without being guilted about it just to keep the peace?. AITA for my reaction?
ETD Q & As
I'm editing in some answers to frequent questions I get.
A. The dress she picked wasn't all too crazy but just wasn't my type.
B. This issue started during wedding planning and there were other things...like way too many things we didn't agree on, but this 'vision' has been there for...quite a while.
C. I AM paying for the dress obviously.
D. My fiance's dad is deceased. also, his mom suffered from multiple health conditions. Has no daughters but one only son.
E. He's still persisting...
F. My dad is your typical 'yes man' who has no knowledge of boundaries whatsoever. The stories I could tell about my childhood with him! There's still some messed up stuff he did that I carry with me into adulthood. it's messed up.
G. It's the current conflict we have....so far it's the biggest one. I feel weary and unable to argue anymore.
H. Yes. We do [plan to have kids]. Absolutely horrific when kids are involved. Kids are hard work and to have to deal with this on top of it? No ma'am. thank you!
Top comments:
Hand him the ring back...Say 'I hope you get the wedding you and your mom have always hoped for.' Walk away. NTA
Throwaway9757657 Response from OP
I swear I'm gonna.....???. seriously! what. is. up. with this 'vision' bull she keeps throwing at me just to get her way?. It's her only son she says, so what,? do you own him ma'am? I don't even know wtf that supposed to mean.
This dynamic isn't something that's going to go away with the wedding. Even if you smooth over the current issue (or simply come to accept her choice) it will not be the end of this.
I know people say this all the time on this sub, but for real, usually people saying divorce are overreacting, but this is absolutely not one of those cases, in fact, this is one of the most obvious divorce (/don't marry) posts we'll see on here all month.