Bride takes back guest's plus-one because of former fling; AITA? Updated.
Plus-ones can often be a subject of debate in the wedding planning process, as every invitation can dramatically increase the catering and alcohol bill...
So, when a conflicted bride decided to consult Reddit about whether or not she'd be roasted for taking back a friend's plus-one after her breakup, people were ready for the piping hot tea.
AITA (Am I the As*hole) for telling my friend she can’t bring a plus 1 to my wedding when I told her at first she could?
I’m getting married in 2 weeks. I (28F) had told my friend that she (29F) was allowed a plus one when I sent her the invite months ago. She was dating someone at the time and I figured she would bring him.
I just found out that she broke up/took a break (not sure on the details still confused). She is now seeing a mutual friend of ours, she wants to bring him to the wedding.
The thing is I’ve hooked up with the guy in the past. I don’t have feeling for the guy it was a dumb young thing. My fiancé (M27) knows about the guy, he doesn’t really care for him.
I told him that it was his decision to make. That whatever he wanted to do, I would stand by it. I told him that I don’t want to make him uncomfortable by having that guy there.
My fiancé said he doesn’t care if he’s there. That he will not go out of his way to talk to him. Or spend any time with him. I told him are you sure? I feel like it’s weird and disrespectful toward my fiancé.
My fiancé said if that’s who she wants to bring and is dating she can bring him cause we already told her she could bring someone. We’ve all told her in the past that she should date this guy.
That he would be great for her. So we can’t deny her having him there. So would I be the ahole for telling her he can’t come? It’s just f'en weird.
Of course, the jury of internet strangers were eager to weigh in on this wedding drama. Here's what people had to say:
Sooner70 said:
YTA. Your fiance is good with the guy coming. You told your friend she could bring a +1. You said you don't feel anything for him... WTF is the problem? Why wouldn't the other guy be welcome? The only thing that's weird here is that you can't accept that other people are cool with it.
No-Personality5421 said:
So you and your friends told her to date the guy, now you're punishing her for dating the guy you told her to date. Yta.
MrChaddious said:
YTA if your fiancé doesn’t care and everyone thinks they’d be a good match what’s the issue? You said you don’t have feelings for him so why would it be weird? You said he’s a mutual friend.
Grannywine said:
YTA, yes this situation is weird, but not for the reasons you are stating. It is weird because you are making it so by over thinking the whole thing and trying to assign the blame for this on everyone but yourself.
You are uncomfortable having someone you had a brief intimate relationship with at your wedding. While understandable, to a point, that would still make you petty af to rescind a plus 1 two weeks before the event.
PleasantFishing9010 said:
YTA you told her she could bring a plus one and she probably didn’t realize that that came with rules. You should’ve explain to her that you get to decide who her plus one is.
While it looks like everyone originally agreed that this bride would be 100% and hilariously in the wrong to take her friend's plus-one back over some petter drama, she did provide an update:
UPDATE: I took your guys advice and saw a point where you guys are coming from. I meet of with my friends for lunch. She had asked me if it was okay for him to come. I told her yeah, he can come.
I congratulated her on dating him. How happy I’m that they are finally together. She corrected me and said oh I’m not with him. I’m still with my boyfriend. I said okay, I totally get wanting to bring someone you're comfortable with coming to the wedding.
She said yeah, plus ex hook up kept asking me if he could be my plus one and he really wanted to go to the wedding.
When I got home my fiancé ended up telling me, he you know I thought about it and I don’t really think I want him there. It makes me uncomfortable for him to be there. You know I don’t like him and what he did in the past.
I told him I understand, but I unfortunately already told her she could. There isn’t really much we could do now. To just let it ride out.
To people saying I still have feeling for said guy, no I don’t. Trust me I wouldn’t be marrying my fiancé if I wasn’t 100% in love with him. I thought it was weird because I personally wouldn’t want one of my fiancé ex hook up there.