Bride tells sister that her husband's chemo is ruining her seating chart. AITA?
'Bride cares more about changing her seating arrangement than her BIL who might not attend due to chemo'
My sister is getting married next month. Everything is organised.
My husband was recently diagnosed with cancer and starts chemo soon. I advised my sister (Bride) that depending on how he’s feeling due to chemo, he might not make it to the wedding.
My sister said thats fine and that and that she understands. I offered to invite a friend to take his place, (if he can’t come) simply as the venue is already threatening to cancel the wedding because she has less than the 50 people min required for the venue (per their contract).
I also felt bad for her to have to waste a plate of food if he didn’t come (because of the price).
*Note: she only invited 50 people total to come despite being told by multiple others to invite more people as some always decline. She didn’t and only has 40 people and is struggling to get people to come to the wedding.
Anyway, my sister says no to me inviting a friend in place of my husband (fair enough, I’m not fussed, only didn’t want her wasting her money for a plate). But she is now hassling me to tell her if my husband won’t be attending because she needs to change the seating arrangement.
My husband hasn’t started chemo yet, and won’t know how he feels until at least the weekend before (wedding is on a Monday lol). We told her we plan on coming (RSVP’d months ago) but if he doesn’t come it’s because he’s super sick, and we’ll let her know closer to the date.
My sister has now been texting me non stop saying she needs to know asap as she needs to move seating arrangements around. I keep telling her I’ll let her know the week before as we won’t know until then.
Her fiancé then told her that my husband should know weeks in advance if he’s too sick to attend anything, so we should be telling them this by next week at the latest. This info is based off his ‘mum going through chemo’.
Our dad recently went through chemo (last year) and even told her that it’s so different each day, and for her to stop hassling us. She’s now blocked both our parents’ numbers lol.
At this point I’m honestly thinking of just telling her we’ll make it easy and both won’t go. I don't care what kind of ‘family drama’ it will cause. Thanks for letting me vent.
Here are the top comments from readers:
This is such an awful situation. I’m so sorry your husband is sick. You’ve made your situation so clear to them and the normal answer (especially from close family) should be “of course, whatever you need! And let us know if there’s anything (special food, VIP parking spot) or whatever else we can do to make it easy for you and your husband”.
NOT THIS! Just take care of your husband and don’t worry anymore about your sister’s wedding. They’re behaving selfishly.
Forget creating 'family drama,' it's already there. Your sister and her future husband are extremely selfish. RSVP not coming for your and your DH.
If he's feeling good, get a great carryout. If he's feeling crappy, then just do whatever he needs to get through that day. I pray your DH beats this cancer and your sister gets her head out of her butt.
Was she mostly removed from the family scene while your dad had cancer? Because I can’t imagine she watched her father go through that and acts like this. Her fiance too. They’re both treating you all like garbage. Why are they doing this?
Obviously she can't find enough people to invite to her minimum 50 people for a reason: She's not a nice person. How does your husband not attending create the chaos she perceives in seating arrangements? And what's wrong with you offering to fill the seat?
I'd bow out. #1 she gives two f*cks about your husband's situation and #2 he'll need you if he's not feeling well. Oh, #3 your sister is a poopy head.
Ps. I'm drinking cuz I've had a bad day. Distracting myself with reddit and taking it out on your sister.
As someone who is - hopefully - just finished with chemo, don't go. She can't and won't understand that chemo is different for everyone. I about breezed through it. Other people get kicked hard by it. You never know what your side effects are going to be, or when they'll hit. For example, digestive issues and neuropathy pains hit hardest 3-4 days after chemo for me.
Decline and spend the day relaxing and recharging.