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Bride asks if she's wrong to kick mom out of wedding for dying her hair bright red.

Bride asks if she's wrong to kick mom out of wedding for dying her hair bright red.


Every bride wants her wedding photos to be flawless, but is it ok to control guests' outfits or even their hair color?

Reddit user u/redhairwedding paid for her mom to get her hair professionally colored before her wedding, but what she didn't bank on was her mom coming out of the salon with bright red hair. Now, she's telling her mom to dye it back to a neutral color or don't bother even coming to her wedding. Now, she's wondering if she went too far.

That's why this bride-to-be is asking the internet, 'AITA (Am I the A**hole) for telling my mum to dye her hair back to a neutral color?'

She writes:

I'm super on the fence about this because I'm the kind of person to gawp at a Bridezilla (and I very well could be), so opinions are urgently needed!

I (28f) am getting married on Saturday. For some background, early on in the planning of my wedding, I mentioned to my bridal party that I really like a cohesive wedding colour scheme - not necessarily the same colour on everyone because I think that can be really unreasonable, but at least the same colour palette.

For me, I generally hate bright colours and I love soft colours on warm days. With this in mind, I was encouraged to give an extensive pastel colour palette (8 shades) and kindly request that my guests followed it. My mum was my biggest supporter ('your wedding, your rules', etc) and none of my bridesmaids thought it was unreasonable so I went with it.

It was a pretty varied pastel palette (plus grey, a slightly darker blue, a slightly darker brown-beige) and I did leave a note saying that I knew this might be hard for some people and that it wasn't necessary to buy another outfit if they wouldn't have done so anyway (or if they hate the colours!). All in all, I decided I was not yet a complete Bridezilla.

On to the issue at hand... My mum came to me a couple of months ago explaining that she would like her hair professionally cut and dyed before my wedding day. She's a box dye girl usually, and she was happy to use it on this occasion, but she asked if I would mind paying for her to go to my wedding stylist (continuity, etc) and I agreed.

I'm paying for the wedding myself and I have more money than my parents, so I had absolutely no issue doing this for her.

'She went yesterday. It is BRIGHT RED.'

This isn't something totally weird for her, as she had bright red hair about 15ish years ago, so it's not like she's only ever had neutrals and suddenly changed her mind. To be frank, I hated it then and I hate it now. It not only looks awful on her (it's literally not her shade at all), but it massively draws the eye.

She asked if I liked it and I just started crying. I know I sound pathetic but I had a whole vision for my wedding that my mum encouraged and supported 100% even when I doubted how practical it would be and now she's going to stick out like a sore thumb on my wedding day. It also looks awful with her dress.

I told her this but she said that I'm being totally unreasonable by trying to control her looks. I was pissed off, so I told her I would pay for her to get it fixed to a neutral colour, and then she could come to my wedding. She left and hasn't spoken to me since then. Am I the Asshole?

Usually, it's an automatic 'YTA' if someone tries to control another person's appearance for their wedding, but what makes this story more complex is that the bride paid for her mom's hair color. Does she get to call the shots if she paid the bill? Who do you think is 'The A**hole' here?

Reddit was divided, but most people thought the bride would really regret not having her mom attend her wedding over something as small as her hair color.

From WelshBluebird1

YTA. Wedding colour schemes are for decorations and the wedding party's clothes and pretty much nothing else. And certainly not people's hair colour.

From tlf555

YTA if you would exclude your own mom from your wedding because of her hair color. Someday, she wont be around and you will regret being so petty for the sake of 'color coordination' on a single day.

From Every_Cap_532

Unpopular opinion, I think going bright red was an attention getting scheme. But, I also think you over-reacted. ESH

From pandaprincess259

...It's hair. Maybe I'm not being empathetic enough here but, I think you're overreacting. YTA.

From Sea-Complex1957

This is gonna get hate but NTA purely because of timing. If you knew you was about to attend a pastel wedding would you dye your hair BRIGHT red? No... She could have waited a day. And seems like mum used the stylish opportunity to get it done even better...

From ladylyrande

ESH. You are being bridezilla-ey. You don't get to tell people what color of hair they use. That said. Your mom knew how you felt about that shade. And she got you to pay for it and that I feel was kinda dickish. Had she paid for it herself, you'd be the sole asshole.

From​​​​​​​ isilington

YTA. And here is why: It's hair. Hair.... Hair doesn't mean a thing when you get married, especially if it's on someone else. The color of her hair isn't going to effect the feelings that you have for your soon to be, nor does it effect your soon to be's feelings for you. If it does then the marriage is doomed to begin with.

My mother died when I was 19, I'm 40 now. She wasn't there when I got married, she wasn't there when I had my kids, never got to meet her grandchildren. I would have done anything for her to be there.

Your mother is alive and well and from your description sounds like a nice woman. Why on earth would you uninvite her or make a big deal about her hair or even as others suggested leave her out of the photos just because of something as insignificant as hair? Just have the wedding get married and focus on what is important, your ever growing family. Best of luck to you red hair or not it's going to be fine.

From​​​​​​​ TrixIx

NTA since it appears she had you pay for her to turn her hair red before the wedding, without telling you before doing so. If she paid, you would be the AH.

From​​​​​​​ truly-diy20

ESH.. yeah its awfull to try and control peoples hair.. but the mom dyed her hair bright red right before the wedding knowing her dress color, knowing the daughter had a color scheme.. the mom literally knew every color that would be regarding the wedding and decided to dye it BRIGHT RED.. if she had had it preciously then OP would be an asshole bit the mom mqde a choice knowing it would not go well.

From​​​​​​​ AcornPoesy

Normally I’d say you were TA for dictating these things. But your mum came to you and asked you to pay for hair to be done for your wedding, knowing that you had a colour scheme that she supported. This directly goes against everything she’s supposedly been championing and it was underhand to ask you to pay. It’s one thing to say that you can’t dictate hair colour, it’s another to get you to pay for something you actively wouldn’t want.

I wouldn’t go scorched Earth on this and not have her at your wedding, but I think that you being upset at her behaviour is totally reasonable. So i would actually say NTA.

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