Bride asks if she's wrong for refusing to let stepdad give her away at wedding.
Having your dad give you away at your wedding is a long-standing tradition many women dream about from the time they are little girls.
Reddit user u/makaylaaaaa03 desperately wanted her beloved father to walk her down the aisle at her upcoming wedding, but unfortunately, he passed away before he could have the honor. In his absence, this bride has decided to carry a picture of her dad instead, but her mom disagrees and thinks this is a job for her stepdad.
Now, this bride-to-be is asking the internet, 'AITA (Am I The A**hole) for not letting my stepfather walk me down the aisle?'
She writes:
I, (18f), have recently become engaged. I come from a religious family so getting married young is expected. I don’t mind this though, seeing as I have been dating my boyfriend for over 2 years and I love him unconditionally. Although we’re now engaged, we don’t plan on marrying until I’m out of college.
My mother was ecstatic about the news and she insisted we begin planning so we can get a rough draft of what I wanted my wedding to look like. I told her the colors I was wanting, what kind of venue I imagined, my bridesmaids, the whole 9. Then she asked a question that made my excitement drop: “And Frank will be walking you down the aisle, right?”
'Frank is my stepfather. Not that he isn’t a good man or anything, he just isn’t my father.'
My father passed away from cancer when I was 13. He and I had a close relationship so his death really shook me. I remember we would dance around the halls of the hospital to “I Loved Her First” by Heartland. He always wanted that to be the song we danced to at my wedding.
My throat became dry as I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t want to hurt my mom or Frank with my answer but it was my wedding.
I explained that I wanted to carry a photo of my dad down the aisle instead of Frank walking me. My mother looked puzzled and said that I should let Frank walk me because he was my father now.
I repeated my decision and my mother stopped helping me plan right then and there, saying I was being inclusive to Frank when all he has done is love and care for me. I like Frank, but we aren’t close by no means. I mean, I have only known the guy for about 4 years.
Since then, my mother has texted me, calling me an asshole for not wanting to include Frank. I have also received similar messages from Frank’s family too. I want to honor my father at my wedding, but I also don’t want to risk my relationship with my mother.
She added more info to plead her case:
A lot of you guys are confused on my relationship with Frank. Frank is my mother's husband, nothing more, nothing less. I don’t wish to incorporate him into my walk down the aisle. I do not want to have a first dance with him.
We are not close but there is no bad blood between us. He doesn’t want to replace my father nor do I wish for him to. It seems my mother wants Frank to replace my father. AITA?
Reddit users were firmly Team Bride on this one. Overall, they declared her 'Not The A**hole' here. Brides can't control everything single detail at their wedding, but they should at least be able to decide who gives them away. If she wants to honor her father by bringing his photo with her down the aisle, then that is absolutely her right. Her mom and Frank can be honored in another way... if they stop acting like spoiled brats.
Do you agree with this NTA verdict?
From weeblewobblers
NTA. Pick who you want to walk you. If you don't want anyone, so be it. But don't let mom talk you into someone she wants.
From StonewallBrigade21
NTA - Your mom is the AH for calling you the AH. It's not her decision, at all. And Frank's family's opinion doesn't matter in the slightest. Do what makes you happy in honoring your father.
From HexStarlight
NTA your mom wants her husband that you bearly know to do something that your beloved father would have done. Your mom is wrong to try and replace your dad. Also due to the length of the relationship, a close grandfather or even your mom would be more appropriate than her new husband.
From quplit
NTA. This is your wedding, OP! You get to choose what you want, and commemorating the memory of your father in that way is a wonderful way to honor him. Your mother and step-father are seriously overstepping here. Do not let them push you into something you are uncomfortable with.
From tired_lady123
NTA. It is your wedding and if carrying a picture of your father down the isle is the most meaningful option to you, that’s exactly what you should do (It’s a very sweet way if honoring your father by the way)
Frank isn’t « your father now ». Your father is the man you see as your father. I’m sure Frank is a good guy who was a good father figure, but you need to do what feels right to YOU, not anyone else. Congrats on your engagement (:
From Churchie-Baby
NTA it is your wedding and honestly, I would have thought she would be more understanding it sounds like a sweet thing to do. Maybe Frank can have a different role in the wedding
From StrangeAeons1
NTA, if you dont want it to happen then it shouldn't
From The_saint_o_killers
NTA- no one is entitled to walk you down the aisle. It's your wedding do what you want. Explain to them calmly your reasons and if you want you could still offer Frank some role in the wedding to keep the peace (you don't have to just an option).
I hope this is just a knee-jerk reaction from your mum. If she doesn't apologize soon it might be better that your plan the wedding without her as she may try to make it fit her wants over yours.