Reddit user and newlywed u/AITA22223 wanted to keep her cherished wedding dress, but her in-laws had other ideas.
I (25F) got married to my husband (24M) a year ago. He has a sister (16F).
I went a little non-traditional with my dress. I got a big light yellow dress and a beautiful strappy top with lace. The dress was gorgeous, and of course very expensive. This was definitely my dream dress.
His family isn’t particularly well off, but they’re certainly not poor or lower income. So when they told me at a family dinner that they were having trouble finding an affordable dress for her, I was a little surprised, but gave suggestions like looking at eBay, goodwills website, etc.
In my younger days, I did pageants and we always resold the dress after at a good discount. They told me they looked but didn’t find anything they like. I told them I hope ‘the dress’ would come up soon.
Two weeks passed and we get invited to dinner again at their house. We show up and immediately his sister starts moping. I assume she had a bad day at school and sit down to eat. Then my MIL explained to me she was upset because prom was in 3 days and she still had no dress.
I expressed my condolences and told her that I could maybe help her have some last looks around. That’s when MIL said “Oh, I have an idea, (my name), why don’t you let (SIL) wear your yellow dress. I could probably get it tailored in time.”
My SIL immediately perked up - and I felt like I was ambushed. I looked to my husband but he just shrugged. I politely told them I was sorry, but the dress was very special to me, and also SIL and I are quite different sizes. It would fall off her.
MIL then told me she knows a “wonderful seamstress” who could make it fit. Which really upset me, I asked her “What if I ever want to try it on again? It wouldn’t fit me. Even if I lost weight my bust would never fit in a dress tailored to fit her.”
SIL ended up bursting into tears, I’m not sure if it was because of me saying no - or me talking about our bodies. My husband and I ended up leaving early.
He was very upset with me for not sharing the dress but said ultimately it was my decision. His family, on the other hand, was livid with me.
They went radio silent until I saw a post of SIL on Facebook in a beautiful blue dress. I commented saying I’m glad she got a dress, she looked great, and I hope she had a good time - and I got a comment back asking me for my portion of the dress.
They have now told my husband I am responsible for either reselling the dress and getting them half back since I have experience with that, or helping to pay for half. I told them that was ridiculous, but my husband told me to just do it. I told him I’m not going to be pushed over, and he ended up leaving for three days to his mom's.
Now I am no longer invited to family dinners or functions, and they only have nasty things to say about me. Saying I almost ruined her prom night. AITA? Should I have just let her wear the dress, or at the very least helped them sell it? At this point since my husband isn’t even on my side, I don’t know.
Edit: I tried to talk to MIL after getting some confidence from these comments.
Basically, she brushed it all off, still demanded I do what she told me to (to either sell it, or help pay for it) because I'm 'family' and that's what family does - but also said she would have looked much better in it than I did, and that I just didn't let her have the dress out of jealousy.
I am honestly speechless right now.
She added another update!
Family or not, you're under no obligation to let anyone else take something of yours if you don't want to give it up. Especially something as special and sentimental as a wedding dress.
I applaud this newlywed for sticking to her boundaries and not giving in to her inlaws' ridiculous demands. She is 'Not The As*hole' here, although her new hubby definitely seems like one. He should've stood up for his new wife instead of running away to mommy's house.
NTA at all. Even if it wasn't your wedding dress, it's still your dress and you have no obligation to even loan it out, much less give it away permanently. It makes sense to feel weird because 'no one is on your side' but it's only this one-sided because it's entirely his family and they clearly have issues.
If his solution to them being upset is 'just give them what they want and his solution to himself being upset is 'run away to mom's for three days' these are some serious red flags and you might reconsider your future plans with this dude.
They are super entitled and set up this plan from the beginning. To expect someone to give you their item simply because you want it is absurd. That your husband doesn’t stand up for you is also absurd. Staying with mommy dearest and giving you the silent treatment until you give in to their bullying…
OP, you’ve only wasted a year on this momma’s boy and his ridiculous family. I’d cut your losses now rather than looking back in 10 years and knowing this was the first sign that you should have run.
I have never heard of anyone so entitled that they expected a woman to give away her wedding dress to a teenager for freaking prom. And then have the nerve to inform her that she has to pay up for the dress they bought! WTF?!
The fact that your husband didn't have your back speaks volumes too. This whole damn family sucks. Time to find a new one that respects you. NTA.
Agreed! That ambush was totally planned. Mom's got a seamstress-- in the middle of prom season-- that she 'knows' can whack a dress in half in 3 days?!? Yeah-- she had already called and asked.
Daughter launches into a full pout when she arrives? Ugh. I can't stand this family already! Also--his mom referring to it as her 'yellow dress' vs her 'wedding dress' tells me she never felt it was an appropriate wedding gown and it's just a dress.
I read this to my husband--his eyes popped when I told him the husband's reaction. His advice: 'tell them all to go fuck themselves.'
OP needs to quit engaging in any conversation about this. She said no, she's said no again, and that's that. Don't instigate any conversation at all with the inlaws until some apologies are made. And there will be no apologies. Just wear the dress to the divorce hearing
OP was definitely ambushed on purpose. I’d tell the husband to stay at his mommy’s indefinitely (since he’s apparently always going to side with them over OP) and wear that beautiful yellow dress to a divorce party. NTA
Congratulations op you married a mama's boy. NTA
NTA, and wow. Who asks to wear someone else's wedding dress to a Prom, FFS?Your SIL, MIL, and HB need a ruddy reality check. They not only ambushed you, they're all punishing you for refusing to be ambushed. You're owed apologies from all of them.
Final Edit: My MIL saw the mirror article that was made about this post after another family member sent it to her. My husband and I fought because of me 'publicly shaming' his family. I told him I'm wanting to separate.
Please do not message me regarding my separation. This has become a private matter. Thank you for helping me see how terrible they are being.
Sounds like she made the right decision to get out of this marriage and away from this family. If her hubby isn't supporting her in the first year of their marriage, things don't sound too promising for the future.