Bride asks if she's wrong for 'stealing' BFF's dream wedding venue.
When two best friends are both getting married at the same time, there's bound to be some drama.
Reddit user u/poseidon231 and her BFF are both marrying into the same family. They also both assumed their weddings would be at the new inlaws' fancy family estate, however, only one friend got the green light to say, 'I do,' in the family compound. The other bestie is mad she's missing out on her 'dream wedding' and it's causing a major rift in the friendship.
Now, this bride-to-be is asking the internet, 'AITA (Am I The A**hole) for not standing in solidarity with my best friend and using her dream wedding venue for my wedding?'
She writes:
My best friend is engaged to my fiancé’s cousin. They’ve been planning their wedding longer than we have and my friend thought it was a given that they would get married at my fiancé’s family estate as almost everybody in their family has had at least some part of their wedding on the estate.
They were told they wouldn’t be allowed to get married there and now my friend has pushed back her wedding indefinitely until they can convince the family to reconsider as that’s her dream wedding venue and she planned her entire wedding around it.
I thought they would refuse to let us get married there too so I was looking at other venue options but my future mother-in-law asked me to consider getting married at the estate. I said yes because I know it’s important to their family and if none of this drama with the estate happened with my friend, the estate would’ve always been my first choice anyway.
I told my friend a few days ago and she’s angry at me for accepting and for not standing in solidarity with her. She thinks I should’ve refused as they’re treating her unfairly and by accepting I’m showing them that I’m siding with them and that it’s okay for them to do this to her.
She said I should’ve tried negotiating with my future mother-in-law so that we both could use the venue. She’s since told me she doesn’t know if she can bear being at my wedding unless I change the venue. AITA?
We don't know the actual reason the BFF was denied the venue, but if it were my best friend, I would side with her. Ride or Die. Yes, getting married at 'the family estate' sounds glamourous and amazing, but is it worth ruining a friendship over? Wedding receptions come and go, but best friendships should be forever.
Reddit was absolutely DIVIDED on who the a-hole is in this situation. Some say it's the bride, others the best friend. Who do you think is right?
I would be mad at my friend if they not only did not stand up for me but was happy to appease the very people treating me unfairly. That’s a shit friend.
You are not the asshole for accepting the venue. But it's just my opinion. This seems like too much drama, if I were you I would not marry there just to avoid drama.
NTA. You are not responsible for intervening in the cousin's relationships. You say they told you the family didn't give them a reason for denying their use of the family's estate. Not that it really matters, I'd bet that they have been told the reason but don't want to tell you.
Chances are there's history there and grandpa and your cousin don't get along and haven't gotten along for some time.
NTA - it’s not your place to negotiate or try to strong-arm your future in-laws for your friend. Her whole attitude towards the venue is off-putting as well, especially not being willing to go if you use it, and I’d be interested in why they don’t want her to use it to begin with.
NAH. I’d be pissed if I were her too. She’s clearly not your best friend because I’d never do that to a best friend. You’d only be an asshole if you get upset that she doesn’t come to your wedding
YTA. You are not the asshole for getting married where everyone in the family gets married, but you are an asshole for being vague and obtuse about it and pretending your friend should not be hurt. You admit you understand that the cousin is being denied access to the family wedding venue because the family disapproves of him marrying your friend.
You probably do know why, but it is probably a reason that would make the family look bad. So your friend is right, you are siding with the family against her and pretending you are just “going with the flow.” Just be honest that being in this family’s good graces means more to you than your friend.
Your friend is not an asshole for being hurt and for thinking you are friend enough to her to care that you are hurting her. If you want to show your friend she is meaningful to you and that you consider her a family member, ask her to be your maid of honor.
NTA. You've just been caught in the middle of things that have little to do with you. I can understand your friend being upset, but punishing you or expecting you to punish yourself (by refusing the venue) is taking it too far.
Yta. Don't call her best friend if you don't mean it.
Definitely, NTA and it’s bad luck for your friend, but it’s her problem and getting upset with you is her projecting her feelings.
You’re not necessarily the asshole, but you’re definitely destroying your relationship with her.