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Bride's 'short' fiancé calls her 'selfish' for wanting to wear heals at wedding.

Bride's 'short' fiancé calls her 'selfish' for wanting to wear heals at wedding.


My fiance (M31) is short. His height has always been a source of insecurity for him and he takes others comments too seriously.

With our wedding approaching, he asked if I'd consider wearing flat shoes at the wedding. I was confused, like very confused. I asked if he was joking, but he went on a rant about how doesn't want to be made fun of on his own wedding, and that if I choose to wear high heels then we will look 'awkward' in the photos and in front of the guests.

I refused, and he kept calling me selfish and inconsiderate and said that I prioritized high heels over his comfort and happiness for the big day. He had his mom involved and she is pushing me to reconsider.

When I refused to discuss it she said that my unwillingness to cooperate is a huge indicator of my level of maturity, she then went on a long rant about what lengths 'real wives' are willing to go to to help out their husbands and said that I'm apparently too immature and shallow to be committed in a marriage if I make such an issue out of it.

Am I being selfish? It's not just about what I want, but the high heels help make the wedding dress look better and I feel like I deserve to look my best at my own wedding just like every bride's dream. His insecurity is preventing me from getting that. AITA?


To clarify, I'm slightly taller but he said he doesn't want me to look any taller than that.

The gusts he was talking about are his male friends, and the men in his family. They comment on his height all the time, call him names from 'shorty, koala, Lil D, hobbit' and the list is long. They even have a list of jokes about him.

We had similar arguments about this height issue before but this is the first time he asks me to not wear heels. Other times he lets me wear them but sometimes refuses to attend events with me.

I'm 27 for those who are asking about my age.


perfectdrug659 says:

Seriously. Men need to get over the weird height insecurity. If a woman is bothered by it, she's the asshole in that situation. I much prefer a man to be closer to my height and not taller than me.

Apprehensive_Yam_567 says:

Given he has refused to go to events with her when she wears heels, lifts are not going to solve fiance's issue. He has a major insecurity which his immature 'friends' and family are aggravating, or even causing.

justlemmeread says:

ESH. Look, I do agree with you that you should look and feel your best, but that's equally true for your fiance. It's not like his insecurity is a shock to you, you knew about it. Practice being a partnership and talk about it, communicate, think of ways to help- like standing up for him if you hear a comment, kicking some jerk out, etc.

But him running to his mom? Look. Everyone deserves to have a support system and a close relationship with a parent is not bad. But having mommy lecture your future spouse is always a red flag. He needs to grow up. Think about if you want her lectures for the rest of your life when you disagree.

Brilliant_Air76 says:

What 'real wives' are willing to do? Like a 'real man' who gets his momma to fight his battles for him? Yeah shows great maturity 😱

capriolib4 hr. ago says:

ESH, I would think at 31 your fiancé would be a little more comfortable in his skin but hey self love is a marathon, not a sprint. Then he goes and involves future Mil, red flag.

Your response to him trusting you with this insecurity “is this a joke?”, red flag. Your wedding is a day to celebrate your love, in front of an audience. I’m sure appearance is very important to each of you.

No better time than now to learn to compromise. Shoe inserts for him, a heel with an inch he’s comfortable with for you? I’m not sure…but if the two of you can’t effectively communicate and reach a compromise without all of the extra opinions, might be a deeper issue.

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