'AITA for telling my sister she has done nothing to deserve being my maid of honor?'
Having a sister usually comes with a default, built-in maid of honor that can help brides avoid friendship drama between their bridesmaids across multiple group chats...
What if you don't trust your sister to give a speech that isn't all about her? So, when a conflicted bride decided to consult the moral compass of the internet otherwise known as Reddit's 'Am I the As*hole?' about denying her younger sister the opportunity to be her maid of honor, people were eager to help deem a verdict.
"AITA (Am I the A$*^ole) for telling my sister she has done nothing to deserve being my maid of honor?"
I'm 26f and my sister is 22f. My sister and I don't have a close relationship and I can't say there was ever a time I considered her a friend or even a good family member. Most of it isn't truly her fault but times like these I do place more on her.
My parents believed that being the older sister, I needed to make sacrifices for her. If we were getting takeout and she wanted pizza and I wanted Chinese, well, she was the baby so I should agree with pizza for her sake. If we both had birthday party invites for the same day well she should get to go and I should be fine staying home. Same with going to see a movie as a family.
Or choosing where to go on vacation. We were all supposed to get a vote but hers always counted as two so after a while it seemed pointless. When we got older it was often a thing I would need to cancel plans if she had plans my parents couldn't take her to, or if they needed someone to watch her, and then they would order food before they left, so she'd get what she wanted and I'd just have to deal.
I know stuff like that isn't uncommon and in moderation I don't think it's awful. But there was never any balance. My parents would argue that being older meant I had more freedom and that was what I should focus on. But that freedom meant nothing because I couldn't make the most of it.
My sister grew to expect I would always let her get her way and when she turned 17 and I had been out of the house, and out of her life and my parents lives, she reached out and wanted to know why I left and I told her.
She told me she'd do better and we started to repair things and I would call her on being selfish. But it hasn't really improved and I have felt the relationship is more of a chore than a joy in my life.
A few weeks ago I got engaged to my partner and I asked my three closest friends to be my bridesmaids and I chose to forgo the maid of honor because all three are equally loved by me. She assumed she was my maid of honor and I told her she wasn't. She wanted to know why and I told her maid of honor is a special role and we're not close enough for that.
She then comes out with how she deserves it for being a good sister and how I'm being mean and taking the past out on her. I told her she had done nothing to deserve being maid of honor. That it's not the past when it still actively happens and she still tries to get me to treat her like her choice is worth more than mine.
She started to cry and told me she'd been trying and I'm being mean to her instead of giving her time. But it's been 5 years of me calling out her BS, and of me telling her when she's acting like she has since we were kids.
I think she expects me to always just deal with it under the guise of time. But she ended up leaving and was really upset. She told me after that she understood I didn't always like her but that I was really mean with what I said. AITA?
Of course, the jury of internet strangers was eager to weigh in on this Maid of Honor conflict. Here's what people had to say:
imothro said:
'So I assume I'm your maid of honor.'
'No, you're not.'
'WHAT?! You're so mean to me! I'm going to act hysterical now. WHY am I not your maid of honor?'
'This. This conversation right here. This is why.' OP you haven't done anything wrong. Your sister made a bad assumption because she's entitled. Then she acted outraged at your choice because she's entitled. Notice that nowhere in her conversation with you did she say she cared about your happiness or supporting your wedding. It's still all about her. You made a solid choice. NTA (Not the As*hole).
AlwaysandForeverRed said:
NTA… but I gotta say your parents are TA in this situation. Their parenting skills were severely lacking and they caused the riff between you and yourself sister.
Your sister is an adult so she gets to do work on herself and not let her parents be the cause for her terrible behavior… but your parents really did a number on the two of you, creating this imbalance of power and privilege. And also… it’s your wedding. If you don’t want to choose to have a maid of honor, you don’t have to.
whatsmypassword73 said:
NTA but get ready for your parents, they’re going to come in hard and once again the golden child will end up being the center of attention even though it’s your wedding.
Weekend_Breakfast said:
It's so incredibly tragic that your parents set up this rift between the two of you the way they did. I'm not sure what their reasoning is for how they raised you both but it was divisive to your relationship. Your sister will remain a brat as long as she is always allowed to get away with it. NTA. By miles.
realstareyes said:
NTA. You get to choose who‘s your maid of honor and she doesn’t have the right to insist on anything. She needs to get over her entitlement and actually put some effort into your relationship.
Garamon7 said:
NTA. 'My sister doesn't want me as a MoH because she thinks I'm entitled, narcissistic brat, so I'll make her change her mind by acting like entitled, narcissistic brat.' End of story.
So, there you have it!
Everyone agreed unanimously here that this bride isn't at all wrong to refuse to allow her sister to steal the spotlight (and the Chinese food) at her wedding. While it's a choice that's completely up to the bride and she has every right to curate her own bridal party, many people blamed the parents for their turmoil-filled relationship. Let's light a candle for this bachelorette party...