Bridesmaid backs out a day before the wedding over SIL's 'joking' comments. 'AITA?'
"AITA for stepping down as a bridesmaid just one day before the wedding?"
Here's the story:
So last weekend it was my sister in law's wedding. My sister in law is my fiancé's sister to clarify. I've been with my fiancé for 5 years and we've been engaged for two. Before I got with my fiancé, his family was trying to get him to date another female friend of his who he no longer talks to because she's said some pretty horrible things about him and some of his friends.
Plus she was always trying to put me in my place since I started dating my fiancé, claiming she'll always come first in his life. Long story short, stuff happened and they no longer talk.
I have a pretty close relationship with his family, especially his two siblings, his sister (the bride) and his brother. One day before the wedding we were having a family lunch with the brides family and during lunch she started mentioning that female ex friend of my fiancé. She started saying what a gorgeous girl she is and how pretty she is.
My fiancé and I felt uncomfortable and my fiancé was pretty pissed because that ex friend has caused a lot of damage in my fiancé's life in the past so it was hurtful for him to hear his sister praising her like that but he stayed silent since he didn't want to cause drama during the wedding period.
The nail in the coffin was when my SIL said that it's a shame my fiancé never got to date (female ex friend) since I came along and took her place because she'd love to have her as a bridesmaid but because of me she can't and she can't even call her a sister because of me.
My MIL told her to apologise and tried to do damage control claiming my SIL was joking but SIL said she's not joking, she really feels that way, then proceeded to say she loves me as her new SIL she'd just prefer (female ex friend). I kindly got up and excused myself, saying I'll head home.
While I was gathering my stuff to leave I also said I'd withdraw as a bridesmaid since I'm not really the one she wanted there and that she should contact (ex friend) while she still has time and I'll give her my dress since we are the same size. Fiancé left with me and while leaving he said something along the lines of "you never know when to shut your mouth" to his sister.
MIL justified me walking out, so did my BIL and FIL. They say bride's words were ridiculous, they tried to convince me to stay as a bridesmaid but respected my wish to walk out. My family on the other hand said I'm TA for not sucking it up for one more day and walking away from the role while making the bride stressed. So AITA??
Ps : I still attended the wedding as a guest, bride did not talk to me at all, the groom did and he said I'm right to be upset but he thinks I shouldn't step down last minute over a joke.
Here's what top commenters had to say:
Historical-Soup said:
NTA - I’m so glad your in laws stood up for you and supported your decision! However for the groom to call her comments “a joke” is very wrong (was he there when she initially said them?) I hope you’re doing okay but you don’t need her in your life
TheTARDISRanAway said:
NTA - What a horrible thing to say - she clarified it wasn't a joke so why does her husband still think it is?
LewisHamilton2008 said:
NTA. Your SIL pissed around and found out.. also it wasn’t a joke. It was a calculated dig and left you with no option but to step down.
DK_Boy12 said:
I mean, you got everyone's backing, so why do you need ours? Very easy NTA. Crazy how she thinks that was even remotely acceptable to say. You have every right to withdraw. Enjoy the wedding and open bar.
Amara_Undone said:
NTA. Bridesmaids support the bride on her day but how could any sane person expect you to support her after all those hurtful and nasty things she said. Then she doubled down by making it clear it wasn't a joke and she really meant it.
She is NOT your friend and her words about loving you are BS.